formerly Diane's Addled Ramblings... the ramblings are still addled, just like before, and the URL is still the same...
it's just the title at the top of the page that's new

Friday, June 27, 2008

All Good Things Must Come to an End...

And all crap passes eventually, too, I guess. I signed my divorce papers today. I know, it was a long time coming and because of that, I thought I’d feel differently about it… at best, elated… at worst, indifferent. But I don’t feel either of those things. Truth be told, I feel a bit empty… and sad, too (which I didn’t expect). All the anger and hurt passed a long time ago and I thought the grief had as well, but I still feel it… it’s like mourning, but not for the life or relationship that was, because neither were good or happy; but for the life and relationship I thought I’d have and that I thought I was working toward.

It seemed fitting that I waited today... waited for nearly an hour for the notary to become available to sign off on the divorce papers. I spent so much of my marriage waiting… waiting for degrees and work projects to be finished; waiting for time together and vacations that never came; waiting for kind words and compliments and ‘thank yous’ and ‘I’m sorrys’ that never came either; waiting to be a top priority in an overloaded, over-scheduled life; waiting to simply matter to the person I was supposed to matter to the most.

But now the waiting is over. The notary was finally free and she witnessed my signature, signed her name, and stamped and dated the document - the piece of paper that effectively ends a chapter of my life that lasted more than fifteen years. I wouldn’t change it… I don’t long for the marriage or the relationship or the person… not ever. And I know this empty, sad feeling will go away… because everything - good and bad – must come to an end.

5 comments:

Missy said...

I love you, Diane, and everything will be OK!!!!

Lee said...

Pretty much anything people do is an anticlimax - the joy is generally in the doing not the getting, even with things like divorce, where the doing is extremely painful; the destination is usually dull. But you are now on a new journey, a different adventure, and I hope it is a very happy one for you.

Diane said...

Thanks :)... xo

Mystery Man said...

I'm sorry this chapter has finally ended, but something tells me you'll do just fine. You should have taken the money 18 years ago...

Good luck and best wishes!

Diane said...

A lovely man I know offered me a blank check on the eve of my wedding NOT to marry my ex... I laughed... maybe I shouldn't have... maybe I SHOULD have taken the money. Mystery Man, could you be he, the lovely man who was going to sign that check?