formerly Diane's Addled Ramblings... the ramblings are still addled, just like before, and the URL is still the same...
it's just the title at the top of the page that's new

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Yes, I'm Bi...

And no, it's not what you're thinking (it's always about sex with you, isn't it?)...

My daughter is a lefty. And she hates it. And though I tell her it’s a good thing – that it means she has a creative mind (and she does) – I kind of hate it, too. She’s always dragging her arm through marker or paint (she hasn’t mastered the ‘lefty curve’ yet) and I can’t ever get her sleeves clean. Her left hand is always covered in ink, her handwriting leaves a lot to be desired, and though my mom has tried to teach her to knit several times (something she really wants to learn), we can’t figure out how to flip the instructions to apply to a left-handed person. It’s frustrating.

And I can totally sympathize. Not that I’m left-handed. Not really. Well, OK, sort of. I’m bi-handed (and yes, I believe I coined that term). Bi-handed is someone who is not quite ambidextrous but uses both hands pretty much equally. See, here’s how it goes...

I write with my right hand.

But I throw with my left. This was an issue when I was 9 and my parents wouldn’t buy me a lefty’s glove for softball, because, duh, I’m right-handed. So I would catch with my left hand, switch the ball to my right, throw my glove down on the ground, and – finally – throw the ball with my left. My coach said it was taking too much time and the other teams were scoring too many runs. Not cool. My parents broke down and bought me a lefty’s glove.

But I bat right-handed.

And I catch with either hand. Though I’m better with my right.

I also bowl with either hand. The first time I realized this was when I was in my 20’s, bowling on a league with some people from work. After my turn, my captain looked at me strangely and said, “Do you realize you bowled the first frame with your right hand and the 2nd with your left?” Nope, I didn’t even know I did it. Too bad I suck equally with both hands.

I play tennis and racquetball with either hand.

I golf right-handed. This was finally sorted about 10 years ago, as I hadn’t touched a golf club since a nightmarish mini-golf excursion when I was 7, where I was mocked by my entire family for not being able to determine how to hold the club or stand… the whole lefty/righty thing was very confusing back then!

(I apologize in advance for this bit, as it’s really TMI, but it clearly illustrates my ‘condition’) In the bathroom, I do the whole wipe thing left-handed. I simply cannot do it with the right. However, I do the other bathroom thing (you know, that thing only girls do to plug Aunt Flo for a few days a month) with my right hand. I simply cannot do that left-handed.

So that's me. Not quite a righty... not quite a lefty... Bi.

20 comments:

Mel said...

Again, you know someone for almost 20 years and you still find out new stuff about them. Not stuff you WANT to know, but stuff all the same! ;)

Snort, honk, wheeeeeeeeew!!!!!!!!!

Lee said...

Well, yeah, okay. At least people don't try to make LH people (sinister!) write RH. Dirty cuffs you can live with. There was some stats recently that said something like 5 out of the last seven US presidents was left handed. Against the odds.

Protege said...

Diane, I have never met anyone who can use both their hands equally; I met left handed people who taught themselves to sometimes use the right hand, but not the other way around.
Very interesting.;)

J Cosmo Newbery said...

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Ronda's Rants said...

Okay...j cosmos newberry...that IS funny!
I have never meant anyone who could do these things with either hand! I have noticed my grandson does to many things well with either hand....I wonder if it will continue.

Stu Pidasso said...

Left handed people are gay. Not because they want to be, but because they are genetically inclined to be gay along with their left handedness. Right handed people who are gay, are even more gay because it is a personal choice. At least that is what my older brothers used to tell me growing up. sick sick people, my brothers!! But I wouldn't trade them for the whole world.

Note: No gay people, left handed people or people without a sense of humor were harmed during the typing of this comment. Do not try this at home, we are trained left-handed professionals.

Stu Pidasso said...

Funny and creative post BTW. Have a great Friday!! And thanks for leaving a commment on the caption contest, another good submission!! GB!!

Heather said...

Thanks for the laugh this morning. TMI? Maybe, but still funny.
Oh, do you know that they make really cool "lefty" notebooks now? I hear the spiral bind in notebooks has been an issue for lefties for years, so now they make them with the spiral on the opposite side. Won't help with the dirty sleeves, but might help with some lefty frustration. :)

Drama Mama said...

Well now that I have plugged my eyeballs back into their sockets...after reading the title of this post...I must say that the whole bathroom chat...was WAAAAAY too much information. LMAO!

Ummmm...did Stewey not get the memo about the whole double comment thing. He is really pushin it...

Sam_I_am said...

I'm left-handed and I LOVE it. It's something that makes you unique. My mom taught me to crochet by facing me. It made a perfect mirror image and I could copy what she did; although, I never really put a lot of effor into it, cuz it wasn't my thing. My nephew learned how to tie a tie from our left-handed, blind preacher the same way. Rick couldn't see what he was doing to coach him, so they faced each other and made a mirror image. That might help your mom to teach her to knit.

Heinous said...

All lefty here...except for using scissors. I blame my kindergarten teacher for that.

My poor son watches me to learn sporty stuff and has to translate it to righty. He bats lefty now though.

I'll have to come down and play racquetball with you sometime.

Shanna said...

The title made me laugh which of course is always great! We thought our first born would be left handed. But she's not. Just thought I'd throw that info out there.

Have a GREAT Friday!!!

Jane! said...

I am totally in awe of the wiping thing. I broke my right arm and had to drip dry for 2 months.
Wiping and toothbrushing are things that I just can't do left handed. (I held the toothbrush in my left hand and mostly moved my head)

Diane said...

Mel... yeah, I know... the TMI... sorry :(

Lee... I have sometimes wondered if I was supposed to be left-handed and was sort of forced into right-handedness. I don't remember it happening, though, and I'd think I would.

Zuz... it's one of the few interesting things about me... weird things - now that's another story ;)

JCN... You can have mine... I only use it half the time ;)

Ronda... keep me posted. I'd be interested to know, too.

Stu... dork ;)

Heather... I did hear about those notebooks recently! Haven't seen any yet, though.

DM... I figured someone's eyes would pop out ;). And yes, Stewey clearly ignored the memo!

Sam... I'll give my mom your suggestion... thanks!

H... I said I can play with both hands. I didn't say I can play WELL (with either hand). I tend to get hit BY the ball more often that I actually hit IT.

Shanna... glad you got a giggle ;)

Jane!... the toothbrush thing made me snort. I can picture you making yourself dizzy from brushing your teeth ;)

Last Place Finisher said...

I'm kinda bi. I mean, I speak a little Spanish, maybe not enough to be completely "bi."

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

LOL, that is too funny. Wiping with the left and plugging with the right? Girl, youse a freak! Nah, just kidding...it's probably better--hygienically speaking LOL

Jennifer P. said...

I hated that my mind went "there"--but yeah--you got me ;)! I think it is a sign of high intelligence to be able to use both hands!

Thanks for the funny comment on my Writer's Workshop post. I think you were the only one who "got" all the left out details of getting me from the igloo to Switzerland :)!

Guinhyvar said...

Ok, lady, you have officially captured my interest. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Jenna (aka Guinhyvar) and I followed you over here from Shanna's blog. Shanna is my best friend, I've known her forever, and she says you're pretty cool and that I should check you out. So I did, and she is right; you are pretty cool.

So I think I will read you now, too. I might even comment from time to time. Few things you should know about me; I tend to ramble, make random comments that are totally unrelated to the topic, and am something of a spaz. But don't be alarmed. I'm harmless. Most of the time.

And that is all.

Heinous said...

There's an awards for you @ my blog.

Red Cup Mom said...

Haha. This is so funny. I think it is kinda cool to be bi and coin a new term too. I have no idea about my own bathroom habits in that regard. I am not too sure I want to know personally for myself. ; )