formerly Diane's Addled Ramblings... the ramblings are still addled, just like before, and the URL is still the same...
it's just the title at the top of the page that's new

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

It's Official...

Pigsknuckle is now officially the Redneck Capital of the US (and maybe the world)...

Not because we have two (count 'em... two) WalMart stores (and only one high school)...

Not because pick-up trucks outnumber kids two-to-one...

Not because the tallest building in town is the feed mill...

Not because you could wear camouflage to any restaurant in town and not feel out of place...

Not because the social event of the year is a Brooks and Dunn concert followed by a monster truck pull...

Not because the average man-on-the-street would be hard-pressed to name five authors but you can be damned sure he could give you the names, stats, birthdates, and family histories of the top ten NASCAR drivers...

Not because beef jerky and chewin' tobacco are impulse items located at the counter of every convenience store in town...

No.

Pigsknuckle is now officially the Redneck Capital of the US (and maybe the world) because I heard on the radio this morning that local grocery stores have been receiving numerous requests for the 'new dark meat'...

Raccoon.

Yes, it would seem that simply running Bandit over with your Ford F150 and scraping him off the highway to make a week's worth of stew isn't good enough for the discerning redneck... now the little critter has to come skinned and frozen in the meat section of the local grocer's. Yee ha!

And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to head on over to the cement pond to do a few laps before the inauguration of our new President (who happens to be the antithesis of 'redneck'... unlike others who have passed before him). But first, I'm going to load up the old .22 'cause I might be able to pop off a possum on the way (I'm partial to white meat, you see).

30 comments:

blognut said...

Do they have plenty of trailer parks there? And, if so, do the trailers come with either a matching shed or matching carport? And, are the decks on the trailers so big that they actually amount to more square footage than the inside of the trailer? Just askin'.

Enjoy your possum. I'll stick with beef or chicken, I think.

Heather said...

It's amazing.. you could have been talking about my town in this post. No lie. Except the raccoon part. I don't think our grocery store offers that yet.
And we only have one Wal-Mart, but it's bigger than any other building in town - I think our entire population could fit in there with room to spare.

Heinous said...

mmm...yummy. My god, even my town isn't that far gone. You win, hands down.

Protege said...

OMG, Diane, this was funny, I did burst out laughing reading the end!;))
And this is all serious, right? They really demand raccoon meat?
My goodness, that is just way out there.;) I remember I had a raccoon visiting my porch when I lived in Durham. The are quiet viscous little creatures, but they are really cute.;)
To me it would be like eating cat - yucky, yuck!

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Diane, that was just the funniest piece of writing I have had the enormous pleasure to read - the detail is wonderful, and how could anyone eat dear ol' Bandit?!

Please forgive me, I thought Pigsknuckle was a fictitious town, like my Neurotica!

Still, there are households here you know who 'fly the redneck flag', except here we call them 'Chav'!

Congratulations on such a day in history, my dear bism!

Jane! said...

And pretty soon they'll be selling raccoon jerky at the check outs?

I'll pass, I think.

Ronda's Rants said...

I always love the way you describe where My Hubby would like for us to retire!
I am sure I will just fit right in...and I look Gawd awful in plaid!

sherri said...

Here round my parts my folk take a likin' to squirrel. It's a little more Up there than coon. Coons are nasty creatures why them there squirrels are furry little fellas!

Gotta' go watch me sum Nascar!

Dang! I'm all outta chew!

Sam_I_am said...

Oh, silly. Opossoms only come out at night. You can't shoot one in the middle of the day! haha ;-)

Mel said...

It's a recession/depression, Diane! People take food where they can.

Besides, what do you think Coonhounds were developed for??

Sheesh! ;)

Amy McMean a.k.a McSunshine said...

Oh my gosh. I must visit this place it sounds very interesting.

Michelle said...

Pop off a possum??? Oy Vey!!!!

I'm frightened!!! But oh so intrigued!!!

Love ya girlie!!!

Michelle said...

Pop off a possum??? Oy Vey!!!!

I'm frightened!!! But oh so intrigued!!!

Love ya girlie!!!

Missy said...

Let me know if Possum becomes scarce! I am known as the Possum Queen! I kill at least three a day on my way to work! Great post!

Sometimes Sophia said...

A great bit of writing here. You are too funny. How did you end up in this little piece of paradise anway? I must have missed that post.

Missy said...

Oh, I forgot to mention the dead groundhog we have in our freezer!

Lee said...

You angling for a job at the Tourism office?

Pauline said...

I've eaten coon - elk is MUCH better

Coachdad said...

Wow... that, there, sounds like it would be goood! I'll tell ya, got to get me some.

Drama Mama said...

Ha haaaa! Lmao! Well..lemme share al little about MY town...

We dont have a Walmart only a Family Dollar. But... I saw a sign on the street that said..

Coming Soon: Dollar General.
(I can hardly stand the anticipation)

The highlight of the weekends here are MUD BOGS...which is a sport where men deliberatly get their huge oversized trucks stuck in the Mud and people PAY money to watch them do it.

woop.dee.do.

I sometimes wonder if I will EVER find a decent man in this town. I seriously doubt it! I better stock up on those batteries. For Real. (If ya know what I mean;)

Alyssa said...

You're friggin awesome. Do you post recipes also?

Jen said...

Raccoons, eh? You know, now that you mention it, I haven't seen a whole lot of them lately. Someone must be scraping them up to cash in on the profits! [**lives in an area of TX where deer and armadillo frequent the streets and especially enjoy crossing the road right as you drive by**]

Here's some possum recipes for you so you'll have a variety of options to choose from:

http://www.tngenweb.org/tntable/possum.htm
That website was surprisingly a little too easy to find.... :D

J Cosmo Newbery said...

And you SURVIVE in that environment?

Terri said...

Oh Diane, move to Oregon. You'd love it here.

Braja said...

I didn't get past "Pigsknuckle." If a place name like that exists, how could there be any doubt it's redneck capital of the universe. Holy crap....

C Woods said...

I thought my town was bad. I'm north of the Mason/Dixon line and there is one local resident who rides around in his pick-up (shot gun in the rear window, enough empty beer cans in the back to fill a dumpster) with two 3-foot X 4-foot Confederate flags posted on the back of the truck bed. And about every two months, when they are in shreds from the wind, he replaces them with new ones. I've been told. "He's a nice feller and he don't belong to the KKK anymore 'cause they disbanded the local chapter for lack o' interest." I think I'll keep my distance.

I know it sounds impossible, but the KKK scene in O Brother Where Art Thou? was able to pull off being frightening and hysterically funny at the same time.

creative kerfuffle said...

wow. just.wow. i thought we had rednecks here in nc, but wow. however, the next town over does still have an active kkk chapter and not only do people display the confederate flag they also hang fake testicles from their trucks.

Blarney said...

OMG ... I had a coon curled up on my front porch this Saturday. Had to call the local hunter to get'em. I wonder if it's in a meat market near you by now?

Heatherlyn said...

I'm assuming maybe that isn't the real name of the city. But if your post is accurate, I guess maybe it could be. To each his own, I guess. Your post is hilarious.

Shala said...

I haven't stopped by your blog in awhile and am loving catching up. This post made me laugh out loud! I'm surrounded by a few rednecks out here in West Texas.