formerly Diane's Addled Ramblings... the ramblings are still addled, just like before, and the URL is still the same...
it's just the title at the top of the page that's new

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Internet Knows What I Need...

So, since I'm still completely idea-less for any sort of original-like post, I'm going to tell you about something I heard about from my friend Mel, who heard about it from her friend Lisa, who probably heard about it from someone I don't know.

Anyway, here's what you do... go to Google and type your name followed by the word 'needs'. After I read Mel's post about it, I did it, too ('cause I'm all sheep-like that way), and it was so damned funny (and so frighteningly accurate at points), I had to post about it.

According to the Internet, Diane (that would be me) needs...

... a pigfoot and a bottle of beer. Well, the beer would be nice...
... some reefer and some gin. Ummm... OK.
... to love herself. I know, I know, Internet. Sigh.
... a new mattress. It's true, I haven't been sleeping well.
... a fucking shower. Well, excuuuuse me!
... a good affair. That's what I've been saying for ages!
... to STOP HUMPING ME!! No need to yell... just ask nicely.
... financing. You've no idea.
... drinks and hugs. You know it, baby!
... to remember to stay sober. Well, make up your mind, will you?
... bossing. I get plenty of that from Ryan, thank you very much.
... a cheeseburger. Damn. Now I'm hungry.
... to die. Well, that is just NOT nice!
... a loan. Again, you've no idea.
... to move on. I'm working on it, Internet. I am.
... your number. Only if you're cute.
... our thoughts and prayers. Yeah, that'd be nice. Thanks.
... lots of counter space. Have I mentioned that I don't cook?
... to lose this characteristic inconsistency. I will... won't... will...
... to be more sexy and out there. One out of two ain't bad, right?
... only moist, organic, well-drained soil. Everyone needs that!
... our prayers and good vibes. More prayers? Geez.
... to be true to herself. Truer words were never spoken.
... to POST MORE STORIES! Then give me some ideas! Damn it!

28 comments:

Jane! said...

I need a cheeseburger, too.

Rachel Cotterill said...

"Rachel needs to refer to Web sites, manuals, and a variety of documentation."

"Rachel needs guidance."

"Rachel needs your help."

Spotting a theme...? (Those are 1,2,and 5 in my Google results... 3&4 are meaningless...)

Heather said...

I think I'll do this one later. I'm interested in what google has for me...
And I loved your responses. :)
And take a damn shower, won't you?

Mel said...

I've got a website for you for the good vibes you need. hah!

And STOP HUMPING ME!!!

Sometimes Sophia said...

Your needs are many, compared to mine. I just don't rate with Google. Your post was very interrresting... And the comments were priceless!! Very fun.

lisa said...

I like this. I'll have to remember to google myself for some laughs....like looking in the mirror isn't funny enough. :)

blueviolet said...

I was wondering when somebody was going to get up the nerve to mention that little humping problem you have.

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Diane needs to stop apologising that she has nothing to say, when she has oodles of resources, creativity and humour in her littlest (can you say that?!) fingertips!

I loved the cartoon too

I came up with, "Did you mean China needs?..." xox

Lisa said...

hilarious- i did this meme a while back and it stll breaks me up ! xx

J Cosmo Newbery said...

Mmmm...I tried it and it seems I need me. Don't know if I like that.

Lee said...

- more support(!)
- love
- debt waiver
- to tune myself for Dehli
- a safety net
- a prayer
- a kidney

Arrrgh!

Protege said...

I so enjoyed reading what Mel needs, and I so enjoyed reading this as well.:))
But what is the deal with the organic soil; is Diane a plant? A flower?;))
I can not do this post as my name is too exotic sounding for anything English to come up, but I can always try to see what Protege needs. Hmm, on second thought, maybe I should not.;))

namaste said...

Apparently, I'm in need of:
fame and glory (yes, indeed)
thoughts and memories (losing those quickly)
family and friends (for sure)
ignorance and confidence (huh?)
and finally....
her mouth wired shut. wow.

Missy said...

I am afraid of what this might say! But, will try because I am a follower not a leader! LOL

Braja said...

I'm gonna do that. That is hilarious

Maithri said...

Hilarious!!

Ok apparently....

Maithri needs...

1. Reinforced Hyderbad cities - WTF?
2. A Pub and restaurant - now we're talking...
3 Secret talks in London - hmmmm
4. An engine overhaul - in more ways than one...
5. Bin Laden - oh lord....does this have something to do with those 'secret talks' in London...

Much love my friend,

M

Debbie Hannan said...

omg!! this was hilarius! I will definatly do this... thanks for making me laugh... :)

Jenners said...

As I told Mel, I've gotta do this! This was sooooo funny! And I love your comments. Who knew the Internet was so wise ... and so obnoxious!

sherri said...

I agree with a woman of no importance (that sounded rude of me didn't it?)

Let me rephrase that.

I agree with the woman who goes by the cyber name of "A woman of no importance"...

You are full of creativity and always have LOTS to say.

That's right.

I said you were full of it!

Solei said...

I love your comebacks to your "needs"!
Now I just have to go over to google and type my name in...

blognut said...

I will pray for you until you love yourself enough to move on and get away from the reefer and beer and get a new mattress so you can stop humping me and have a good affair with a rich guy who gives you his phone number and loans and financing and a cheeseburger. First, I will pray for you to move out of the moist, organic soil and take a fucking shower though.

blognut said...

I'm not going to pray for you to get counter space, inconsistency, or death though. I rather like you.

Coachdad said...

Too funny... pigfeet, though? Huh. Beer is all I need right now. Google doesn't need to tell me that for me to know.

Jen L. said...

Ha! My first one was
"Jen needs a session or two with a therapist!"
Apparently I also need Human Anatomy lessons and a muzzle. Good times!

Annie K said...

I did this just a few days ago on my blog. I only posted the very 'clean' ones... but there were some pretty darn good 'Annie needs' that I didn't post.

(YAY! The lurker from Bend finally commented!)

Oh, and don't worry Diane, I'm not one of those Rush Limbaugh Republicans. I'm more of a Sean Hannity Republican. ;)

Stu Pidasso said...

That's cute in a bizarre kinda way, but I gotta try it!

Andy said...

"... to die. Well, that is just NOT nice!"
Hahahaha Oh I need to try this

Tabitha in Bliss said...

Ok, so it says:

Tabitha needs:

needs a man - Have 1
needs love now - could always use more
a warm ride home - what?
needs a good home - Are u buying it?
needs psychiatric help - Shh!! I told you not to tell!!

*Big Smiles*