formerly Diane's Addled Ramblings... the ramblings are still addled, just like before, and the URL is still the same...
it's just the title at the top of the page that's new

Monday, June 1, 2009

Little Sinkers

We had our first swim practice tonight. It went well for a first practice, given that we have about 60 swimmers under the age of 10. It was cold, too. Very, very cold. I got my group of little sinkers again – the youngest and/or least proficient swimmers on the team, most around 4 and 5-years-old. They likely won’t swim in a meet for a year or two, but the goal is to get them in the water and learning the strokes so they’ll be ready when they’re a bit older. Well, that’s the team goal, anyway. My goal is simply to keep them from drowning. This is pretty much everything I said tonight…

Hi Everybody! I’m Coach Diane!
Everybody please look at me!
I’m over here.
Right here.
Alex! Zachary! Evan! Over here!
Yes, I know it’s cold.
Let’s practice our kicking to warm us up!
OW! Zachary, please wait ‘til I’m out of the way.
Alex, get back on the wall, please.
Everybody please look at me! Over here!
Danielle honey, you’re not supposed to breathe under the water.
Yes, Zachary, sharks do breathe under water.
No, Cindy, there are no sharks in the pool.
No, Zachary, there are no barracudas either.
I know it hurts when water goes up your nose, Danielle honey.
So let’s all practice blowing air out, not breathing in.
Make bubbles by blowing out your nose.
Alex, get back on the wall, please.
Yes, Zachary, I know farts make bubbles in the water.
No, let’s not fart in the water. Thank you.
Yes, I know it’s cold.
Let’s do the doggie paddle to warm up.
Yes, Cindy, cats do have paws, too.
No, cats don’t like to swim. That’s why we do the doggie paddle.
Everybody please look at me!
Alex! Evan! Zachary! Over here!
Yes, Zachary, they are nipples.
Yes, it is cold.
Alex, get back on the wall, please.
Everyone, please look at me!
Yes, I know it’s cold.
Evan, do you have to go to the bathroom?
No, Zachary, we don’t pee in the pool.
Alex, I’m bringing my super glue tomorrow!
Everyone, please look at me!
Oh, darn, it’s time to go home.

Lordy, but I love those little sinkers! It's going to be a good summer!


hebba said...

sounds like a very trying, very fun time!

sherri said...

YOu have me giggling here! I can just picture it!

Jean said...


Girrrrrrrl, you are hysterical!
That whole thing should have been videoed. Get Boneman up there ;-)

blognut said...

Better you than me, love. I'd have tossed Alex into the deep end by the 3rd time he came away from the wall. This is why they don't let me teach America's youth.

Oh, and the nipples? Hee hee! You can get those nipple covers to smooth them over a bit so you don't have to keep explaining them. :)

lisa said...

Bless their hearts (ha,ha)

I never learned how to swim, but the water always looks so tranquil & inviting.

Jenners said...

This was soooooo amusing! I just loved it! I was cracking up the entire time! Bravo!

Chris @ Maugeritaville said...

That's a riot. "Yes, farts make bubbles too." You KNEW a kid was gonna bring that up.

mo.stoneskin said...

"Yes, Zachary, they are nipples."


His own or someone else's?

Blu said...

Brrrrrrrrrr...I do hope the water warms up for you all. Sounds like you are doing a good job there.

Protege said...

Ah, I admire you that you have the energy to do this!;)) I bet they all love you.;))

only a movie said...

Sounds very fun.
Every class has a Zachary or two.

dianne said...

Children are cute and honest, they say what they think.
Yes the main aim is not to let them drown, you have to have eyes everywhere, I used to go to my grandson's swimming lessons when he was 3, they were called 'junior tadpoles', lots of fun. :-)

Heather said...

You must have mad patience, woman! Sounds like you had a good time. And no one drowned, so that's a success in my book. :)

Amy McMean a.k.a McSunshine said...

Wow! Good luck.

She said...

Too funny! (or not so much!) I enjoyed reading it! Bet you were exhausted and ready to send 'em home!

My seniors are driving me batty these days! They are SO DONE, and yet we still have stuff to do! Imagine that!

Michelle said...

That is hilarious!

LMN said...

Oh my gosh, i LOVE it. I would have been one of these little very non-proficient swimmers, forever stuck in the starfish float or BEAVER DIVE. I think that's as far as I ever got, but oh well. What can I say, I'm a SINKER too!! (Still am.)

Lucky kids to have such a great coach. With boobs. (Wasn't that a previous comment by one of them). Hiiiilarious.

Good luck with all that. I hope it warms up for you!!

A Woman Of No Importance said...

This side of fabulous, Diane - You are one of life's treasures, my friend - And you are valued and adored! Fhi xxx