formerly Diane's Addled Ramblings... the ramblings are still addled, just like before, and the URL is still the same...
it's just the title at the top of the page that's new

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Coo, Coo, Ca-Choo, Mrs Robinson...

I am not in the habit of receiving unsolicited attention from men. Wait. I’m not in the habit of receiving solicited attention either! Oh, you know what I mean.

Anyway, it’s true (I know... try to conceal your shock). Now, in the right setting I can sometimes generate attention, you know, with my sparkling wit and scintillating intellect (and by ‘sparkling wit and scintillating intellect’, I mean ‘my big mouth’). But as a rule? Nope. I seem to be supremely forgettable.

I’ve certainly had my fair share of dating relationships, but I generally have to pursue them, at least to a degree. A pretty large degree. And, as we all know, given that I am quite single, none of them have ‘stuck’. There have been varying reasons for that, certainly, but often I think I am ‘too much this’ or ‘not enough that’. I like to think I simply haven’t yet met the man who totally appreciates the essence that is Diane (Pfffttt! Even I can’t say that without snorting!). Of course, with my luck, the one guy who did totally appreciate my essence was probably Troll-Guy. Sigh. Too bad I messed that up with my snark (and by ‘too bad’, I mean ‘WHEW!’).

Don’t get me wrong… I’m not complaining (OK, I totally am complaining but I’m going to pretend I’m not and mask my whinging in excuses that make me feel better. Just go along with it, OK?). I tend to get ‘friended’ (as opposed to ‘girlfriended’) by men. A lot. It’s not a terrible thing, really. I get to keep some great guys in my life and they get… well… me. Joke’s on them, eh?

You’ve all met Todd…

And Hugh…

And though you don’t know it, you’ve met Alan (he’s my obnoxious Anonymous commenter)...

And of course, the Republican...

OK, so that’s not my Republican but I never asked him if I could use his picture and you know how uptight those conservative types can be… of course, I never asked Alan either but he’s not a conservative (though he might as well be, given how much he pisses me off with his snarky comments, so he can have his face plastered over the Internet and suffer! PS... Love ya, Alan!).

Anyway, as I say, I’m not in the habit of being on the receiving end of random romantic overtures (well, except from the likes of those ‘bless his heart’ sorts). So when it happens, I get flustered. Like today…

I went to the bookstore at lunchtime. I just needed to get out of the house and it’s one of my favorite places (‘cause I’m a nerd, that’s why). I sat down in the coffee shop area with a magazine and a cup of tea and read for a while. The place filled up pretty quickly, until there were no free tables left, and I saw this guy looking around for a place to sit. He looked like a college student (have I mentioned that Pigsknuckle is a university town? We have a major state school, 2 smaller private universities, and a community college all in or within 15 miles of town… we are stinkin’ rife with students).

Anyway, after looking around for a minute, the guy walked over to my table and asked if I minded sharing. I said that was fine (‘cause I’m all nice and friendly like that, that’s why). He sat down with his Grande Soy Latte Chocolate Decaf Whipped Frothy Cinnamon-topped frou-frouey drink (OK, so I totally don’t know what he was drinking… it might have been plain coffee… I just always imagine people drinking stupid drinks like that in coffee shops) and introduced himself (he had a good Scottish name but for the purpose of this blog, we’ll call him The Boy). He told me he was a grad student at Pigsknuckle U; asked what I was reading (a writing magazine); asked if I was a writer (in the most generous interpretation of the word); said ‘cool’ a lot; showed me what he’d bought (2 books about the social dynamic of Pygmies in their natural habitat… OK, so I don’t remember what they were about because they looked dull as dirt); and proceeded to chat up a storm. I gave up on my magazine. He was cute, in that gangly sort of ‘not finished growing’ way. And quite funny, really. Clearly smart.

So, after quite a while, I finished my tea and started to make tracks. As I was gathering my stuff, he was still chatting…

The Boy: Hey, would you like to have dinner with me sometime?

Me: Ummm…

The Boy: There are a couple of nice places downtown.

Me: Ummm… (did I mention that I'm incredibly articulate, as well as being witty and intelligent?)

The Boy: Come on… what do you say?

Me: Ummm… (this is getting ridiculous now)

The Boy (waiting expectantly): …

Me (finally!): Ummm... are you asking me on a date?

The Boy (laughing): Don’t tell me it’s never happened before.

Me: Pffffftttttt. Don’t be silly. Well… OK… it hasn’t happened lately.

The Boy (still laughing): Then you’re due. What do you say?

Me: OK, I have to ask… how old are you?

The Boy: 24. Why?

Me: Good lord, child, I have socks older than you!

The Boy (snorting his Grande Soy Latte yadda yadda): …

Me: Yeah. I'm serious.

The Boy: Does it really matter?

Me: Well, see, I have this rule… I don’t date anyone to whom I could have actually given birth.

The Boy (laughing again): You’re not that old.

Me: Now you’re just sucking up.

The Boy: Seriously. My mother is 46!

Me: What’s your point?

The Boy: Whoa. 46? Really?!

Me: Thank you for looking incredulous. I appreciate it more than you know. It’s 44 actually… but perilously close to 45.

The Boy: Wow.

Me: See what I mean? But thanks for the invite. Really. It’s the best offer I’ve had in a long time, but I have to pass. I’d feel all… ooky.

The Boy (laughing yet again): And ooky is… bad?

Me: Ooky is bad.

The Boy: OK, so how about just a coffee sometime… you know, a friendly coffee.

Me: That, I could maybe do.

The Boy: Cool.

Me: Cool.

The Boy: Oh, and Diane?

Me: Yeah?

The Boy (winking): You really ought to get some new socks.

Me (winking back): And you really ought to get new glasses.

I feel like Mrs. Robinson. Hey... I wonder if his dad's single?


f1trey said...

Im sending sock coupons.....heres to you Mrs. Robinson.......

Michelle said...

That is so cool, and cute too.

She said...

Soooooo totally awesome! I love this story! Sounds like I don't need to give your address to any cute boys. You've got one already!

I have a 22 year old at the coffee house with whom I flirt! He calls me beautiful, and not too long ago, he told me he broke up with his girlfriend and asked if I'd go out with him! I told him I'm old enough to be his mother! I actually didn't think he meant it! But it sure is nice to banter back and forth!

Great writing! :-)


She said...

You know you could try that COUGAR thing! It might be fun! ;-) said...

Only you can take such a sweet encounter and make me hurt myself laughing!

Ronda's Rants said...

You go was your witty repartee!
Umm Ummm!
Really quite impressive!
But...really you go girl!

blognut said...

I just peed.

OMG! I love you!

With each line of your conversation, I read what he said, then answered with the same thing you wrote!

You should totally go out with him, then let him take you home to meet his daddy.

Also? SHE is right. The cougar thing might be fun for a while. At least there's no mysterious underpinnings to it, it's just fun and sex.

Ooh? Can I say that on your blog?

Just did. ;)

Amy McMean said...

LOL. Ahh Diane, you're too hard on yourself. This may have made you feel all oooky but I bet you left with a smile on your face.


Maithri said...

GO DIANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and Mr Frou Frou ;) (no sword comments i promise)

Big love, M

f1trey said...

HAD to put this over here...... baby I dont htin you have to worry!!! dem boys be throwin rocks for you even in da bookstore!!! you guns even.....I think you must have the rock throwin thing down!!!!!! LOL

Sometimes Sophia said...

Great story!! You must have been smiling all day long.

Maybe sock boy is a budding author, and maybe he's working on a plot that involves a cougar... He's doing research. Anyway, you provided him with some fabulous dialogue. "I don’t date anyone to whom I could have actually given birth." Snort.

Amanda said... sounds like you guys would have a GREAT time definitely should go out with him!!

Jean said...

My dear girl. A dinner date does not a life-time commitment make.
It's a chance to get out, have a nice meal and spend time in conversation with a young buck.
Problem? I see no problem.

This advice is brought to you by a woman who HAS dated men who are young enough...etc., etc.
I still do. :-)

Comedy Goddess said...

That must have felt great though, Mrs Robinson! Love it!

Soda and Candy said...

I totally understand the ooky feeling, but I bet it still made your day!

hebba said...

rock it baby! Get some dinner. (though seriously, I do know how you feel withthe younger guys)

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

And THAT, my dear Diane, is why you're single. You CHOOSE to be. So quit whining about it. I mean, come on, if some young hot 24 year old came on to me, I'd . . .

. . . um, I'd do nothing. Theresa would kill me.

You missed the boat on that one, m'dear.

Protege said...

OMG, this was a great read on a Thursday morning! Loved it!
Please take it as a compliment and hey, go and have that coffee with The Boy.;)) Love comes in all sizes, shapes and ages as well.;))

sherri said...

But would you date my 25 (and a half) year old son? He's NOT a conservative- has great parents- he's brilliant but travels alot. You may have to do lots of following.

CJ said...

You could pull a Demi Moore. Hey, have some fun. You don't have to sleep with or marry him (unless you want to, of course.)

But I will say I have three friends who married men 10-12 years younger and all of the marriages ended within 5-8 years.

Todd & Hugh look quite handsome ---what's with them?

Forget the Republican ---even if he looks nothing like McCain, if he thinks like him, you don't want him.

And what about an update on your haircut? Are you liking it now or still hate it? You look great on the photo with Todd.

dianne said...

Wow Diane he sounds like fun and I'll bet it made you feel great...go and have coffee with The Boy , if nothing else you will have a new male friend. ♥

A Mom on Spin said...

Well look at you!!!

Must be all that exercise paying off!

Cat said...

Reading that exchange made me all tingly inside. You're an accidental cougar.

Mel said...

Essence of Diane...what would that perfume smell like?

I too got asked out not that long ago by someone I was pretty sure was young enough to be my son. I was buying books (one on html programming and website building) and he was behind the counter checking me out (apparently in more than one sense). He kept trying to explain things in the book to me and then he suggested that we go get coffee and he could explain it more. I just smiled and said he was sweet, but no.

Dude! It was a bookstore too! Come to think of it, he was also cute, in that not quite finished way. Maybe it was the same guy and he's just travelling the East Coast, visiting or working in bookstores, trying to pick up older women!

Blarney said...

You mean to tell me you never even considered dating him for 'maintenance' purposes?! Seriously, go for it already ... I need more drama in my life ... living through your blog you know!

Heather said...

Haha - I've been sick this week and I fell behind on my blog reading.. but I'm so glad I came back to read about this little encounter!!!

Go get em girl! :)