formerly Diane's Addled Ramblings... the ramblings are still addled, just like before, and the URL is still the same...
it's just the title at the top of the page that's new

Monday, November 23, 2009

Mirror Mirror On the Wall...

I had a bad dream last night. Well, it was more disturbing than bad, really. Well, no... it was bad. But before I tell you about it, I have a question for you... you know how you can see someone (usually a woman) dressed or made-up in a way that is completely inappropriate for her body type or age and you think, 'My eyes! My eyes!' Heh heh. Just kidding. Sort of. No really, you think, 'Good lord, doesn't she have a mirror?! Can't she see what I see?!'

Yeah. I used to do that.

Then? I found out that mirrors lie. They do.

Last summer, the Republican and I went to this place here called The Frontier Culture Museum. It's cool, really... working farms that depict what life was like during various periods in US history. I think I've told you that the Republican is a photographer, right? He's actually a forensic photographer now but he's made a living for a long time taking pictures of lots of stuff and lots of people. He's good. Anyway, The Frontier Culture Museum is a great place to take pictures and that's what we did. I took pictures of the houses and flowers and farm animals (the sheep and lambs especially, as I love me some wool!). What I didn't know was that while I was taking pictures of those things, the Republican was taking pictures of me.

Lovely.

See, I don't like having my picture taken. I never have. Well, so I'm told, anyway (it's entirely possible that my parents made that up to explain why there are 4,512 pictures of my older brother and only 2 of me... whatever). Regardless, I don't like it now and do my very best to stay on the other side of the camera. If I have to be photographed, though, I prefer pictures that don't capture all of me, or ones that have someone else standing in front of me, and I always have to stand a certain way, to minimize the... well, just to minimize. But when I don't know the pictures are being taken? Gulp.

So, after we got back to the Republican's house, he loaded all his pictures onto his computer and we were looking at them. Imagine my surprise (and by 'surprise', I mean 'horror') when I saw images of me, taken from all angles, without any sort of camouflage or posing. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say I felt ill. At first I wondered who that fat woman was... and then, after I realized it was me, I wondered what the hell was wrong with my mirror! How had I not seen all that... all that... ME?!

I joined Weight Watchers very soon after. And I've never looked back. I can't, as the pictures still make me feel sick. I had the Republican send them to me, as we're supposed to have a 'before' picture for WW... but I don't know that I'll ever be able to print one of them out and look at it without wanting to hurl.

So, back to my dream. I'd had a picture taken of me and I was excited to see it, as I've lost about 632 pounds so far, but when I got it? My face was still fat! In fact, I had the whole pelican neck thing going on... you know, where your chin disappears into your neck and your face becomes this big, bloated blobby thing and you look like Jabba the Hutt. The weird thing, though? My face, even at my worst, never looked liked that. It definitely got rounder but I always had a chin (or two) and a neck... and they were always separate. So it was disturbing and bad and I woke up all worried that I really hadn't lost the weight I thought I had.

But my mirror told me otherwise.

Whew.

But...

Mirrors lie.

Well, crap.

I guess I'd better have someone take a picture.

Gulp.

17 comments:

blognut said...

You are hawt.

End of story.

f1trey said...

thats why I keep a funhouse mirror in the house!! LOL

Stu Pidasso said...

Looking good is something that is usually on the top of everyone's list, but it is superficial. We all know that no matter what you do with your body and wardrobe, that you and your daughter are a great set of people......especially compared to the likes of ........say......Paris Hilton or Lindsey Lohan.

Attractive? Yes. Worth spit as a person....not in my book. Would I take either one of them out for drinks and entertainment......not a chance even if they offered me huge amounts of cash. WOuld I go out with you and Ryan for a movie, book browsing and a nice museum tour? Absolutely.....but only if my kids can come along too!

Now get your laps in at the pool, so you not only FEEL mahvalous, but rook mahvalous!

CHeers!

Tabitha@ichoosebliss said...

I'm sure you look fabulous! Do you feel fabulous? Because that's what truly matters.

mo.stoneskin said...

From ALL angles? What even the directly-beneath and directly-above shots? Incredible. And all the more so as they were taken without you noticing!

Jean said...

I much prefer a pool or a pond instead of mirrors. Really.
Did you see my little post about looking in a mirror and seeing a U-Haul trailer behind me? Yeah.
My butt is bigger than your butt.

Amy McMean said...

I say that all the time. I'll get ready and think "MAN I LOOK GOOD" then I'll be out and see myself in the store window or mirror and think, "HOLY CRAP". I see it as having a way to positive self image.

Protege said...

You post are always a joy to read, I love your style that captures one from the get-go.;)
I think we are all very critical when it comes to our body.
I think the main thing is to accept that our bodies are the way they are and most important thing is that we are healthy - and that we try to keep a healthy lifestyle.;) I think when we feel good, we look good. I have seen *voluptuous* women who look absolutely gorgeous and *skinny* women who look truly sickly.;)
I recognize those dreams though, sometimes I have one where my hair has been coloured weird colours or cut extremely short.;)
xo

Shanna said...

Because I'm smart and I want you to love me best, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Having a dream about being "fat" (in quotes because I'm PC like that) symbolizes the great wealth of knowledge the dreamer has. In the example of the Buddha, fat is possessing all the knowledge.

Soda and Candy said...

you lost 632 pounds?

My mirror tells me the sweetest lies ever, and my self-confidence tells them to everyone else.

; )

Diane said...

Well Shanna, if that's true, I'm the friggin' Encyclopedia Britannica! ;)

Thanks for the comments, my lovlies! I agree 100% that we just have to be healthy and happy... but I didn't feel that way at the beginning of the summer. Now? I feel GREAT! And it's not just about losing weight... it's about gaining confidence that had been hidden (by rolls of fat! ;)... it's about feeling fit and strong... it's about setting a great example for my child... it's about the feeling of accomplishment you get when you do something you didn't think you could do!

And? It's about the idea that maybe... just maybe... you'll actually WANT to stand in front of the camera sometime soon! :) xo

Pearl said...

I am almost always shocked by my own image, particularly from the waist down. I am of the pear-shaped persuasion, and am surprised to have this brought home by a picture...

Pearl

~jill said...

congrats on the getting healthier!!! my girlfriends and i started a workout group in june and we're loving our new selves!

Mel said...

Wait, I think you saw a picture of me, not you, because I swear I'm Jabba the Hutt in pictures now. UGH!

Diane said...

Mel, noooooooooooooo... it was definitely me. You were in that dream where I'm sitting on the toilet in the big room and people just keep walking in, so I'm stuck. Will you get the hell out of there?! GeezQ

A Mom on Spin said...

When I die. . . everyone's going to go to the wake and say "My goodness! She was skinny and beautiful!"

That's because I stopped letting ANYONE take photos of me sometime around 1990!

Live More Now said...

Oh gosh, Diane! I so relate! Mirrors can lie, and unfortunately, though pictures SOMETIMES do, mostly they do not - I've learned this one the hard way too! (Though I still argue that cameras, like t.v. add at LEAST 15 lbs!) Good for you doing weight watchers - I hope you are feeling great! And stop with the mind trickery and Jabba the Hutt dreams! Don't our brains play nasty tricks sometimes?

(Although I can relate to that too). But just go celebrate your progress already. So proud of you.