formerly Diane's Addled Ramblings... the ramblings are still addled, just like before, and the URL is still the same...
it's just the title at the top of the page that's new

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Ouch...

So, one of the reasons I’ve been gone from Blogland is that I met someone… someone pretty terrific… someone with whom I clicked and with whom there was chemistry and about whom I wanted to know more and more and more.

And?

It was mutual (much to my shock and surprise)! And after a few weeks, I stopped looking for red flags… I relaxed a bit… I stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop.

And then?

The other shoe dropped. And it all fell apart.

And now?

My heart hurts.



He’s sorry and I appreciate that. I do. And I wish I didn’t still like him… but I do. But I don’t want to be his friend because then I’ll just wish it was different and wonder why it wasn’t me he chose. And I’ve been down that road before and it’s just too hard.

And I feel like I’m back in middle school.

This sucks.

23 comments:

~jill said...

i am soooo sorry. =/

Debbie(single;complicated) said...

it so really does!!!!:(

hebba said...

I'm so sorry. In matters of love, do we ever stop being 14 years old?

Marla said...

That does suck. Obviously he doesn't know quality when he sees it. But the right person will. He will.

dianne said...

Ohhhh, I am soooo sorry dear Diane, it does suck, it is so difficult to meet someone special as it is and when we do we are so cautious after being hurt before,then we relax, find we are happy and over the moon only to be let down again ... it seems our heart can be broken at any age. :( xoxoxo ♡

slommler said...

Oh dear...I am so sorry! And you are right. It does suck for sure. Especially since you let your guard down and opened up a bit. Ouch!
Yes we are forever young at heart and therefore always vulnerable.
Hugging you
SueAnn

Pauline said...

"But I don’t want to be his friend because then I’ll just wish it was different and wonder why it wasn’t me he chose."

As hard as it is to let go of the flush of joy at being the one he chose a few weeks back, letting go now is the best thing you can do for yourself. It's apparent and cheering that you have worked this out.

Despite the attempt at lightheartedness in this post, I imagine your pain is only too real. Knowing it will ease with time doesn't ease it so much now, but keep that thought uppermost - it won't always hurt too much.

Shanna said...

That sucks, Diane. It really does. BUT! You are already talking yourself down the right road and it sounds like you know it will be ok...you're pretty cool like that ;)
*hugs*

Tabitha@ichoosebliss said...

I'm so very sorry Diane.

nowimagrownup said...

Oh honey - I'm so there. I posted about this just yesterday.

I know it sucks. I know it's hard. I know... but I also know that you and I are both strong, independent, free-thinking women who will pick ourselves up and get on with life. Just like always.

Sending you lots of love my friend.

Amy McMean said...

I hear ya sister. That's the same reason I've been gone from bloggy land. I meant someone and thought things were starting to look up and then BAMN! they just started to look down. very down.

I'm still in the "why not me" phase...but mostly I'm just annoyed.

Here's to better things ahead.

Jean said...

Major suckage.

I do believe your choice for a clean break is the best one, though.

Now...onward!

Everyday Goddess said...

that is bad news, i'm sorry.

wishing you peace!

Live More Now said...

Oh, I am so sorry, Diane! Hang in there. I know that feeling, and it is terrible! Be gentle with yourself, and stick to the fact that you deserve someone who absolutely ADORES you, no other shoe dropping ...ever.

Big hugs to you.
xoxo

Sometimes Sophia said...

Sooo sorry, Diane. You deserve better, nay... the best. Life isn't fair. But you are wonderful, so don't forget it.

McGillicutty said...

oh my, it hurts no matter where you are, middle school, mid term or mid life.
So sorry... just pick yourself up and shop, drink wine, paint your nails and move on.. there's obviously something seriously wrong with this chap.

blognut said...

I gots nuthin' that I didn't already tell ya', so I'll just remind you that you're worthy of someone who doesn't act like a wandering child and appreciates you for all that you are - inside and out. You, my friend, are too good for someone who doesn't know a good thing when he sees it.

And? That guy is out there somewhere. He's looking for you and only you.

Soda and Candy said...

Ouch indeed. I know exactly where you're coming from. And it sucks that your heart hurts. But I believe you are strong and you will make it though.

Michael Arthur said...

Dang.

Not that this is anything more than a chance to wallow in feelings with headphones, I offer Aimee Mann's I'm With Stupid as the best break up album ever: http://www.pandora.com/music/album/aimee+mann/im+with+stupid

Sometimes wallowing is good . . .

alyce said...

Aw, sweetie, big hugs from me. I once offered to fly north and secretly sneak into the home of a guy who didn't appreciate you at 3am and break his thumbs...you know that offer still stands, right? :-)

Anonymous said...

Well, I've already left a comment on FB saying that I'd add to the list: "And let go of those who don't love you."

I say that because in the last 11 years 14 people in my life have died (3 neighbors, 2 friends--one since age 5--and 9 relatives, including my only sibling), and yet, I've had a couple of friends I had to let go because they could not deal with conflict in a healthy manner. (And believe me when you become homebound with a chronic debilitating illness, you can't afford to let go of friends because most of them have already run away.) Oh... did I mention that during that time I also became totally disabled, had to stop work, had to move to a more user friendly home, and my partner left me for someone, who was not disabled, someone with two kids under the age of 5?

Like I even have the energy or inclination to engage in unhealthy conflict, someone else's drama?

Someone who loved me would see that I am peddling as fast and as hard as I can just to stay alive (let alone be on an incredibly challenging experimental medical protocol). Someone who loved me would recognize that reality and not expect me to mind read or do handsprings or headstands to satisfy her inability to deal with conflict in a healthy manner.

So... I'm with you Diane!

sherri said...

I am sorry your are hurting. I'm am sorry he doesn't get it.


What's his name/address- I'm gonna' go poke him in the eye with my stiletto heel!

Now I'm singing ...."Somewhere-out there- beneath the pale moonlight....."

-Because I believe it.

And later, you'll be singing...."God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you" into the eyes/heart and soul of THE one who is out there, somewhere, waiting for you.
I just know it. Trust me. I wouldn't just say such a thing. (and, I'm a singer- I don't throw song lyrics around lightly) Take some voice lessons in preparation for your song.

Anonymous said...

Sorry for your heartache, but at least you have the courage to put it out there. And I think the picture is cute...as far as broken hearts go. I think I'll have a drink and slip into sleep, safe....alone but safe.