formerly Diane's Addled Ramblings... the ramblings are still addled, just like before, and the URL is still the same...
it's just the title at the top of the page that's new

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Must Work on That...

I was talking to a friend yesterday about something I'm struggling with (have struggled with/continue to struggle with/will, seemingly, forever struggle with) and I said, "If I could change just one thing about myself, it would be that." Then I amended the statement, as I think there are a bunch of things I could/should change about myself... but that thing? That thing was/is/will forever be at the top of the list. Then I got to thinking about it. What ARE those things I could/should change to make my life simpler/happier/better?

And I settled on three things...

1) My mad procrastination skillz...

I've always been a procrastinator. Always. When I was in the 4th grade, I remember sitting on my bed, surrounded by 9 or 10 volumes of the Encyclopedia Britannica, rushing through essay after essay - one for each the former presidents of the United States. As usual, I'd left it to the last minute (i.e. Sunday night, when it was due on Monday). I was in a panic. Certain I wasn't going to finish, I remember making a deal with the Universe: "If I finish this tonight, I will never, EVER leave anything to the last minute again!"

Pffftttt.

I finished (thank heavens there had been far fewer presidents than today or I wouldn't have finished!)... but I so did not keep my end that bargain with the cosmos. Procrastination affects me nearly daily in negative ways (mainly upping my stress levels). But still? I do it. Why? I'm not sure. I wish I knew. Must work on that.

2) My ability to over-think Every. Damned. Thing...

Lordy, lordy! This has to be one of my most annoying traits. There are some things I don't over-analyze... some things I just DO... like parenting. I have a great deal of confidence in my ability to mother my child well. Don't get me wrong, I put thought into it, but I don't fret over it. I don't play out every possible scenario in my head until I'm seeing zebras and unicorns instead of ponies. I just do it and trust that it will work out and if I've made a mistake? We'll get through it.

Hmmm... I just realized something... I wrote, "I have a great deal of confidence in my ability to mother my child well." Confidence. Confidence is at the root of my over-thinking? Or LACK of confidence? It is, isn't it? Damn. That's not good, is it? Must work on that. A lot.

3) My inability to ask for help when I need it...

This one might be even more frustrating for the people who love me than it is for me, I think. When I'm struggling, they want to help. They know I need help. But I can't ask for it. It kills me. Truly. My head wants to implode. I feel like a failure. But if one of my friends needed help? Never - not in a million years - would the word 'failure' come to mind. Never. So why can't I ease up on myself and just ask? Why do I feel the need to suffer alone? I don't know. Must work on that. Really. Seriously. A lot.

So, those are the things I'd change. Well, three of the things, anyway. Those are the things I actually have the power to change, if I'm so inclined. Am I so inclined? I don't know. Must work on that...

What three things would YOU change? About you, not me! Lord, I have enough complexes... I don't need a list of things you'd change about me, too!

16 comments:

blognut said...

I suffer from all three of these things. Every. Damn. One. Of. Them.

As you well know.

However, I'm working on that last one and maybe I'm starting to budge a little on it. Maybe you can, too.

By the way, can you help me with something? Heh. :)

Shanna said...

LOL I think we were making the same deal with the universe in grade school. I don't procrastinate AS MUCH as I used to...and when I do I prefer to say "I work best under pressure" HA! ;)

Sam_I_am said...

Great post. I'll answer it tomorrow. hahahahaha. I'm procrastinating. Get it. hahahaha. *Ahem* hmmm. Okay then. Three Things, gosh. Only three?

1. I would like to have more follow through. I always start things, but get bored with them. I started that painting and haven't finished it. I started a quilt that is sitting in a drawer. I started working out on the WII and things only last for a month at the most and I'm bored.

2. I'd be one of those people who are great at being organized. I'd have a house that had fresh flowers where I have a stack of week-old mail. I'd be able to pull a box out of the cupboard without everything tumbling onto my head...

3. I've been developing a lot of anxiety since my dad died, so I'd want to be okay with change. I don't want to live in the past and miss the present.

Those are my three things :-)

Blarney said...

1. OCD
2. Anxiety
3. Self editing

I'm pretty sure if I mastered #3 the other two would fall into place.

Christopher said...

I could work on all those things myself, as well as handling change better. Never been very good at that.

Pauline said...

I'd quit falling in love with needy men. What a major difference THAT would make!

I'd speak out more. So often I just turn away. I really, really want to stand on a ten foot soap box and shout, "Will you all just get the F*** along already or you're ALL in MAJOR time out!" Then I want everyone to listen to me, sit down, and fight nice.

I'd be braver though I do stuff now that scares me... maybe I'll amend that to doing MORE stuff that scares me without all the beforehand angst;)

Debbie(single;complicated) said...

wow..so you blogged my 3..in fact the blog running through my head has to do with that last one..the whole asking for help!:) and all the blogs i have posted lately have to do with the middle one..the over thinking!! As for the first...daily....daily...I am always rushing, wishing I was prepared...always! UGH!

J Cosmo Newbery said...

You sort of need to procrastinate about over thinking but not on asking for help on how to do it.

slommler said...

I would like to be braver at trying. Trying to promote myself to others in order to sell more art. That is my big issue right now. Self-promotion!! I sit and think about doing it but then I don't do a thing. I just think and stew and run scenarios through my head and stew some more. Sheesh!!
Get off the pot girl (that is me talking to me)!!
Good luck on your three!!
Hugs
SueAnn

nowimagrownup said...

Oh, Lordy -- our sisterness (??) is evident in this post!! I am a HUGE procrastinator and have often said those very word... that if I could just get something done, I'd never, ever put things off again. HA! I'm also right there with you on the overthinking thing and the not asking for help thing. If you figure out a way to beat these, let me know and I'll see if I can't work on it too :)

Rachel Cotterill said...

I procrastinate, but I don't usually think it's a problem - it's just my way of handling deadlines. At least I do always make the deadline, even if it's only by a whisker! :)

swenglishexpat said...

You sound veery normal to me! Isn't procrastination an art form?

Bob Boisen said...

I'd like to be less self-absorbed when talking with people.

Bob Boisen said...

As for YOUR faults...girl, as long as you know what they are and are working on them...that's all anyone can ask, right?

Sometimes Sophia said...

1. So many grand ideas... so little follow through. 2. Not enough self-confidence in my own work. 3. Willing to spend too much time making others happy (it's so much easier than getting on with my own business.) How's that for three?

You are such a sweet, smart woman, Diane. Be gentle with yourself.

Marla said...

Stick my name on your list and there ya go.