I found it quickly and sat down to read a bit, sure I would like it.
But it didn't resonate with me, even after plowing through the first 20 pages or so. I like Pema Chodron, though, so I had a quick look at some of the other books on her shelf in the Eastern Religions section...
And I landed on When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times.
I can't recall ever coming across a more appropriate title at a more appropriate time, so I settled in to see if it might be something worth reading.
It didn't take long...
On page 8, I read this:
"When things are shaky and nothing is working, we might realize that we are on the verge of something. We might realize that this is a very vulnerable and tender place, and that tenderness can go either way. We can shut down and feel resentful or we can touch in on that throbbing quality. There is definitely something tender and throbbing about groundlessness."
That paragraph felt very, very personal -- disconcertingly so. I've said several times lately that I feel as though I'm on the verge of something big... and that feeling is very unsettling; it has left me feeling extremely vulnerable and raw. I've spent a fair amount of time, recently and in my past (my whole entire past) shutting down and feeling resentful (or distracting myself with something - anything - else, to keep from facing it) when I land in that vulnerable place (it's scary!)... but I really do believe (and I've said it often recently) that I have to open up and feel the unpleasant emotions, the discomfort, and the fear, or, as she puts it, "... touch in on that throbbing quality."
It's not my M.O., that's for sure. But I think it's the road I have to travel...
I can't stay on the verge forever, after all...
Can I?
1 comment:
I hate the danger and uncertainty of transitions. But invariably, when I've finally gotten through one, my life has improved. I'm going through another one, at the the moment. Fortunately, there are moments of clarity. And? I won't bore you with the rest of it.
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