formerly Diane's Addled Ramblings... the ramblings are still addled, just like before, and the URL is still the same...
it's just the title at the top of the page that's new

Sunday, February 14, 2016

It's Just Sunday...

I'm not a big fan of Valentine's Day. It's not because I'm single. I've never been a fan - not when I was a kid, not when I was part of a dating couple, not when I was married.

It's partly because of the color scheme.

Pink and red together? Make me want to hurl. 

See? Blech! My stomach gets upset just looking at it. 

It's also partly because so many people wig out about the gifty part... must give the perfect gift... must get the perfect gift... 

Me? I was happy if I got a separate Valentine's Day present and birthday present (I was born on the 15th). 

It also drives me absolutely nuts that a lot of people feel like failures if they're single on Valentine's Day. I suppose it's understandable, really... every television, magazine, and Internet ad from January to V-Day features loving couples giving each other romantic gifts and having romantic dinners (oh, and don't get me started on the fact that it's damn-near impossible to go out to dinner [just plain dinner] on V-Day). It's enough to give a single person (especially one who would like to be in a relationship) a serious inferiority complex. 


It's one day. It means nothing in the grand scheme of things. The way I feel about Valentine's Day is much the way I feel about Thanksgiving. I hate that such a production is made over being grateful on one day (a day followed by the greedfest that is Black Friday). If you're grateful, be grateful every day! Think about it, say it, show it. Every. Single. Day. And if you love someone - or several someones - tell them. Every day. Don't wait until Valentine's Day to give them a gift or send them flowers. Do it when you think about it. And show them, not by giving gifts, but by doing for them.

My kid forgets Mother's Day every year. Well, sometimes she doesn't actually forget it... she just lets it slide by without so much as a card (never mind a gift). It used to hurt my feelings. A lot. But then I realized that she gives me gifts every day. She does chores without me having to ask. If I do ask her to do something out of the ordinary, she does it, with no whining. She keeps up with her schoolwork and she follows all my rules. She makes my life so much easier than it might be, as a single mother. She sits at dinner nearly every night and tells me about everything going on in her life. She says thank you when I do for her. She makes me laugh. She makes life good. Every day. And I don't need a gift or a card on Mother's Day to know she loves me, to know she appreciates me. She shows me. 

All the time.

And that's what love is about. 

Every day.

So, my suggestion for whole Valentine's-celebrating world is this:

Don't sweat it.

Love your people up - all your people - all year. Make them feel special all year. Whisper (or shout!) your I love yous, give your gifts, make your special dinners all year. 

And if you're single? LOVE YOURSELF UP! All year. 

Don't you love how I give advice I haven't worked out how to manage myself yet? 

But I'm trying. 

Remember that you are a fully-formed human, all by yourself! That whole 'you complete me' thing? Bullshit. You complete you. Don't forget it!

Just because other people are in relationships (yay for them!) doesn't mean you have to be. It doesn't mean you matter less or that you're deficient in any way, Stop comparing yourself to other people. Damn it. Comparison is the thief of joy (I think Teddy Roosevelt said that. He was right).

Being single can be really cool. You know this. And if you don't know it, trust me. It's true. I wouldn't lie to you. Look here... you've got no one to answer to but you. You can do what you want, when you want, and you can eat whatever you want in bed without anyone whining about cracker crumbs. And? And? There is no snoring to keep you up. I swear to God, that was reason enough to get a divorce in my house. 

When you're single, you have time to heal yourself from past hurts. Of course, you have to do the work (which might not be easy), but that healing is so important. It's really, really important. So take the time. Do what you need to do to take care of you. 

Believe that you are fabulous. And if you don't believe it - if you're not in that place yet (and I so get not being in that place), start doing some things to get you there. Get up, get out, and do things that make you happy! Do things that challenge you! Do things that make you feel alive and accomplished and the very best version of you! 

And do all this stuff all year. For yourself... for the people you love... 

And next year? You'll be, like, "Valentine's Day? You mean Tuesday? Whatevs."

And maybe, just maybe, we can banish all things pink and red once and for all!


The Thorn Whisperer said...

Oh. Please. Don't. Get. Me. Started. Valentines day is a completely made up "Holiday". Hallmark, Red Lobster and The Olive Garden are the only winners. Too much pressure on guys to setup the perfect Valentines Day experience. To much pressure on women to have a man (or women, as the case may be) to pressure about setting up the perfect Valentines Day experience. The whole thing is about "Proving" your love by spending money. If the only way to "Prove" your love is to spend money, then maybe you should take another look at your relationship.

I told you not to get me started. :) :)

dianne said...

Great advice dear Diane, thank you, I feel better already!

xoxoxo ♡

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