formerly Diane's Addled Ramblings... the ramblings are still addled, just like before, and the URL is still the same...
it's just the title at the top of the page that's new

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

To Be or Not To Be...

I got nothin'. I haven't been able to come up with a decent idea for a post in days (hence the nose-picker blurb below... of course, that really does disturb me and yesterday I was surrounded by the buggers... errr, boogers). Anyway, I think I'm in a funk. And I don't really know why. I should be in a great mood as I leave next week for London, which is my favorite place on the planet. And I've been working out like a fiend lately, and that always makes me feel good. But I don't feel good. I am tired (still not sleeping well). And plagued by money 'issues' at the moment (but I'm always plagued by money issues, so that's probably not it).

I've been thinking a lot lately (smell the smoke?), about a lot of things... about the direction my life is moving (or isn't, as the case may be)... about how it bothers me so much when people let me down (that's really my issue, though, isn't it? I let it bother me)... about my dad and how much I still miss him (it'll be 10 years this Christmas)... about my love life (which is virtually non-existent)... about work and how it's not fulfilling (but I'm not sure how to change it)... too much thinking, I think. See? There I go again.

I have a lot to be grateful for, I really, really do. And I make it a point to think about those things daily. But even so, I still think about what's missing.

How do you get to a place where you can just BE? Does anyone know?

10 comments:

Mel said...

Ditto...

Protege said...

Everyone feels exactly this way about their lives. (I know I do). It is all highs and lows. And that is the magic of it all.;) If we got everything right immediately from the beginning, how boring life would be.;)

hautepocket said...

I can empathize. I've recently felt like there is just such a lack of passion in my life. I too feel like I'm in a funk, but just like you I feel guilty even saying so, because I know I have much to be grateful though. I think Protege might be on to something with her comment. Your trip to London will do you good. :) I'm quite jealous!

Solei said...

Awww Diane... I think most definitely we all go through this at one point or another.
I'm no good at giving advice, but I sure do wish you feel better soon!
=0D

Heinous said...

I don't know of any advice to get you to the place of 'just being,' so I'll just let you know that strictly from reading your blog and the comments that we've made back and forth that you're a wonderful person. All will be well. Go pick some mums.

Ronda's Rants said...

To be...I am not there and I am 50...I try and I guess that's all we can do...some days easier than others! Are you going to England for fun or work or both! England was my favorite spot until I went to Ireland with my daughter and now I adore Ireland!!! Try this!
Take some time each day and just BE IN THE MOMENT...I have one truly fabulous moment a day...and it's helping me get through working home alone! I miss co-workers and the fun of being a team together!!!
Have fun in England!!!

Anonymous said...

Diane, fist, you're awesome and everything will be OK! Everyone has their ups and downs - that's just the way it is. And if you didn't have down times, you wouldn't have time to appreciate the up times. And you know what, I miss your Dad, too! He was great, and I feel blessed to have known him. Every time I see anything about the redskins, I think about him. Every time I play darts or even see a dart board, I think about him. Just remember all the fun times. :) You'll have a great time in London, and that will help your mood - we all need time away. As soon as you get back we need to do lunch, OK? I love you, Diane! Missy

JaxPop said...

Sun. Sand. Surf. Shrimp. Southern Sweet Tea. Stuff w/ S's.

Mel said...

Ditto Missy too (hi Missy!) almost word for word. And, you are awesome. Sometimes you're awesomely mean: laughing heartlessly while a dear, sweet friend sprains her ankle and almost gets a severe head injury from plowing head-first into a door. Sometimes awesomely kind: applying ice to dsf's ankle, standing with the suitcases on the train while dsf sat and rested her wonky ankle, and making her laugh by singing "Itsy, Bitsy Spider" (I think I killed Sammy!) on the plane while she was crying from the shooting pains caused by the wonky ankle. But awesome none-the-less. Even if you're grumpy and tired and want to kick people.

Lee said...

You sound normal. Well, -ish.