formerly Diane's Addled Ramblings... the ramblings are still addled, just like before, and the URL is still the same...
it's just the title at the top of the page that's new

Thursday, November 13, 2008


This is my 100th post! I decided to think up another 100 things with which to bore you. Try not to fall asleep, OK?

1. My name was supposed to be Sharon Heather.
2. That would have made my initials SHH.
3. But I am never quiet.
4. But people often tell me to shh.
5. So maybe it would have been appropriate.
6. Sometimes I do things which are inappropriate.
7. Like laugh when I shouldn’t.
8. I got put out of church once for laughing at a kid who farted.
9. Farts make me laugh.
10. As long as I’m not the one who does it.
11. In public, anyway.
12. Then it’s not at all funny.
13. It’s very funny, however, when people fall down.
14. Or run into things.
15. I laugh.
16. Before I even find out of they’re OK.
17. And sometimes after.
18. Even if they’re not OK.
19. That’s inappropriate.
20. So I’m told.
21. I told a lie when I was 17.
22. I got grounded for 2 weeks.
23. It was a big lie.
24. It was also the only time I was ever grounded.
25. I didn’t lie to my parents again.
26. I’m not a good liar.
27. My daughter lies sometimes.
28. She gets that from her dad.
29. He’s not a good liar either.
30. But he gets an 'A' for effort.
31. And frequency.
32. Frequency was one of my favorite movies.
33. It would have been better if Gerard Butler had been in it.

34. Gerard Butler is my boyfriend.
35. In my imagination.
36. He doesn’t know I exist.
37. In reality.
38. Reality sucks.
39. I don’t watch reality TV.
40. I have enough reality in my life.
41. I don’t need anyone else’s.
42. Except for Carson Kressley’s.
43. I sometimes watch How to Look Good Naked.
44. I’d like to look good naked.
45. But not in front of Carson Kressley.
46. Because he’s gay.
47. And can’t fully appreciate my boobs.
48. My boobs look good naked.
49. My ass, not so much.
50. Looking good naked requires balance.
51. And blurry vision.
52. Gerard Butler has blurry vision.
53. In my imagination.
54. It’s been a while since anyone has seen me naked.
55. In reality.
56. Too long.
57. Way too long.
58. I own stock in Duracell.
59. Just sayin’.
60. Just sayin’ is one of my favorite sayings.
61. So is bite me.
62. I say that a lot.
63. Because I have obnoxious friends.
64. Like Mel.
65. Most of my closest friends are men.
66. Obnoxious men.
67. Like Todd.
68. And Hugh.
69. And Alan.
70. Colin is not obnoxious.
71. But I love them all.
72. Not in that naked way, though.
73. Damn.
74. I swear sometimes.
75. But not in front of my kid.
76. Usually.
77. One of my favorites is ‘shit-oh-dear.’
78. I got it from my cousin.
79. He lives in Australia.
80. I have family in every native-English-speaking nation on the planet.
81. They all put extra U’s in their words.
82. Like favourite.
83. And colour.
84. They are not good spellers.
85. I am a good speller.
86. Usually.
87. I used to struggle with the word ‘maintenance’.
88. I would spell it maintanence.
89. Then I came up with, ‘ten women named Nancy work in the maintenance department.’
90. I never spelled it wrong again.
91. I’m picky about grammar, too.
92. My daughter said ain’t.
93. Once.
94. I probably overreacted.
95. But I ain’t gonna have a kid who says ain’t.
96. Even if we do live here.
97. In Pigsknuckle, Virginia.
98. Where good grammar goes to die.
99. And ‘dressing up’ means puttin’ on clean camouflage.
100. Did I mention that Travelocity is my favorite website?


Mel said...

Bite me!

And, DUH! Every movie would be better with Gerard Butler in it. Shirtless.

Damn! Where are my Duracells?

btw - it takes obnoxious to know obnoxious. Bless your heart!

Ronda's Rants said...

Oh MY God...I love frequency but I also love Dennis Quaid...My Hubby finally caught on when I watched The Day after Tomorrow a gazillion times...he was relieved because he was afaid it was the younger Quaid!!!
I understand about where you live....My oldest was born there...we left soon after! Lot's of turkeys and camouflage. But it is pretty!

Anonymous said...

This 100th list is my favorite ever. I also like to say 'just sayin' ;)
LOL 'shit-oh-dear'.
Happy 100th!!!

Distributorcap said...

i dont know if i have 100 thoughts


nice list

Anonymous said...

Well done. Very clever post. Congrats on No. 100!

Drama Mama said...

I LOVE this post! Can I steal the idea for my blog? Can I? Huh? Can I?
Even though I have not come close to 100 posts...i still love the idea!

Also...I own stock too...and I have my very OWN energizer

I call him...


Lee said...

Happy 100th. You did it proud!

Heinous said...

That's a great list. Happy 100th. I'd bring over a bottle of wine, but evidently it would kill my elite grammar skills.

Sam_I_am said...

1. Oh
2. my
3. gosh.
4. we almost hit a deer once
5. but when he saw us he got this expression
6. like "Oh, Shit"
7. and ran away
8. We still talk about him
9. We call him the "Oh Shit, Deer."
10. Shit-oh-dear totally reminded me of him.
11. Loved it! :-)
12. I'm OCD, so I had to have an even number
13. oh, no. 13 is bad luck
14. (I don't really believe that)
15. *sigh* odd.
16. Okay, I'm going to bed. :-)

J Cosmo Newbery said...

Looking good naked can also depend on your glasses.

And what wine you have in them.

Mama Wheaton said...

Hey #33 is for me and me alone!

Mama Wheaton said...

Hey #33 is for me and me alone!

Protege said...

Diane, I share your sentiments when it comes to Gerard Butler. He is hot. But my Irishman is MUCH hotter.;)))
I too laugh when people fall and walk into things, as I am trying to lighten up the situation, but it just becomes rude and evil.
I think I sometime spell color with an u. My spell-check tells me to.
Yes, and finally, your two awards have been send back to you at my place.;) Or, is it from my place? Hmm...

Protege said...

Aw, I was the 13th commentator again.

Heather said...

Loved the list. I have one of those wacked-out senses of humor too, that causes me to laugh at really inappropriate times. Then I think "I shouldn't be laughing..." and I laugh harder.

avrohom said...

ahhh...witty comments you say... well...
1. you can have gerard bulter. i will stay with kiera knightley. there. now we wont fight.
2. dont shh if you dont want to. the world can be divided to shh-ers and shh-ees. and, well, those that choose to watch the goings on.
3. you did have me laughing quite a bit at the blurry vision part.
4. i think we all have blurry vision. we have to.
5. i wonder if anyone has ever sent camouflage to the dry cleaners...

Solei said...

100 posts alredy???

I race my cup four 100 moure!!!
Ain't that the trooth?!?!?!


Anonymous said...

I have to take issue with #70. September 11th 2008 I was called obnoxious!
I don't know how I did it, but I did. I'm damn sure I was obnoxious in the extreme - go me!!

Loved the post as always!


Cat said...

Congratulations! That was awesome, for a hillbilly.

hebba said...

Loved the post! I cannot spell strength (I want to say stregnth) or deficit (I want to say defecit). This is a problem, because I am a physical therapist (your relatives would say physiotherapist) and I have to write those words a lot.

Anonymous said...

OMH I totally hear you on the zits thing! WHY exactly must we endure this twice in a life time? UGH!!

Stevyn Colgan said...

1. Happy centenary.
2. For the blog (not you, obviously)
3. I remember Gerard Butler when he played a camp and arrogant boy band singer in The Young person's Guide to becoming a rock star.
4. You'd have liked that series.
5. Butler ended up being chained naked to a bed by two women he'd annoyed.
6. With only a pile of whipped cream and fruit to cover his modesty.
7. Then the paperazzi were let in.
8. We don't add extra 'U's to words.
9. You people borrowing our language take them out.
10. Wrongly.
11. On last night's special charity episode of QI, comedian Ronni Ancona suggested that we climb out of recession by taxing people who use English when they're not English.
12. Make up your own language before you call yourself a proper country.
13. Well done on the four books meme.
14. Bloody hard wasn't it?
15. Oh, I can't be arsed to do this any more. How the Hell did you get to a 100?

Jenners said...

So funny. You are truly fun to read.

Laura Jayne said...

I love the random train of thoughts that never once derailed. I believe I will need to add shit-oh-dear to my daily lexicon. It is delightful in its perfect simplicity.

Heard someone say the other day when they were particularly happy with something someone had done for them, "Well hug your neck!" I have been trying since to use it in a sponateous way. Not yet successful, but I hold hope.

Love your blog.

Live More Now (LMN) said...

If that man in your picture is Gerard Butler, lady, you have great taste. He's hot. Way to snag a hottie. I've wished he was MY boyfriend ever since I saw "P.S. I love you." No comment on the film, but I WILL comment on his hotness. Did I say he's really hot and that you have great taste? :)