100x100...

This is my 100th post! I decided to think up another 100 things with which to bore you. Try not to fall asleep, OK?

1. My name was supposed to be Sharon Heather.
2. That would have made my initials SHH.
3. But I am never quiet.
4. But people often tell me to shh.
5. So maybe it would have been appropriate.
6. Sometimes I do things which are inappropriate.
7. Like laugh when I shouldn’t.
8. I got put out of church once for laughing at a kid who farted.
9. Farts make me laugh.
10. As long as I’m not the one who does it.
11. In public, anyway.
12. Then it’s not at all funny.
13. It’s very funny, however, when people fall down.
14. Or run into things.
15. I laugh.
16. Before I even find out of they’re OK.
17. And sometimes after.
18. Even if they’re not OK.
19. That’s inappropriate.
20. So I’m told.
21. I told a lie when I was 17.
22. I got grounded for 2 weeks.
23. It was a big lie.
24. It was also the only time I was ever grounded.
25. I didn’t lie to my parents again.
26. I’m not a good liar.
27. My daughter lies sometimes.
28. She gets that from her dad.
29. He’s not a good liar either.
30. But he gets an 'A' for effort.
31. And frequency.
32. Frequency was one of my favorite movies.
33. It would have been better if Gerard Butler had been in it.


34. Gerard Butler is my boyfriend.
35. In my imagination.
36. He doesn’t know I exist.
37. In reality.
38. Reality sucks.
39. I don’t watch reality TV.
40. I have enough reality in my life.
41. I don’t need anyone else’s.
42. Except for Carson Kressley’s.
43. I sometimes watch How to Look Good Naked.
44. I’d like to look good naked.
45. But not in front of Carson Kressley.
46. Because he’s gay.
47. And can’t fully appreciate my boobs.
48. My boobs look good naked.
49. My ass, not so much.
50. Looking good naked requires balance.
51. And blurry vision.
52. Gerard Butler has blurry vision.
53. In my imagination.
54. It’s been a while since anyone has seen me naked.
55. In reality.
56. Too long.
57. Way too long.
58. I own stock in Duracell.
59. Just sayin’.
60. Just sayin’ is one of my favorite sayings.
61. So is bite me.
62. I say that a lot.
63. Because I have obnoxious friends.
64. Like Mel.
65. Most of my closest friends are men.
66. Obnoxious men.
67. Like Todd.
68. And Hugh.
69. And Alan.
70. Colin is not obnoxious.
71. But I love them all.
72. Not in that naked way, though.
73. Damn.
74. I swear sometimes.
75. But not in front of my kid.
76. Usually.
77. One of my favorites is ‘shit-oh-dear.’
78. I got it from my cousin.
79. He lives in Australia.
80. I have family in every native-English-speaking nation on the planet.
81. They all put extra U’s in their words.
82. Like favourite.
83. And colour.
84. They are not good spellers.
85. I am a good speller.
86. Usually.
87. I used to struggle with the word ‘maintenance’.
88. I would spell it maintanence.
89. Then I came up with, ‘ten women named Nancy work in the maintenance department.’
90. I never spelled it wrong again.
91. I’m picky about grammar, too.
92. My daughter said ain’t.
93. Once.
94. I probably overreacted.
95. But I ain’t gonna have a kid who says ain’t.
96. Even if we do live here.
97. In Pigsknuckle, Virginia.
98. Where good grammar goes to die.
99. And ‘dressing up’ means puttin’ on clean camouflage.
100. Did I mention that Travelocity is my favorite website?