1. I was born in Scotland.
2. On the North Sea.
3. The day after Valentine’s Day.
4. I’ll marry the first man who gives me two separate gifts for my birthday and Valentine's Day.
5. I am not materialistic at all.
6. Despite that whole ‘two completely separate gifts’ thing.
7. I will be 44 on my next birthday.
8. I love being in my 40’s.
9. I was born in the Chinese year of the snake.
10. My ex-husband was born in the year of the cock.
11. That’s completely appropriate.
12. And it makes me laugh.
13. A lot.
14. I love to laugh until I cry.
15. I cry at stupid things.
16. Like Hallmark commercials.
17. I make no apologies.
18. I think crying is good for the soul.
19. So is travel.
20. I love to travel.
21. I have been to England 8 times in the past 4 years.
22. I love England.
23. I plan to live there someday.
24. When I get rich.
25. I’m not rich now.
26. At all.
27. I’m not very good with money.
28. I spend a lot of it in England.
29. Because the dollar is in the toilet.
30. The first time I used a toilet that flushed automatically, it scared the crap out of me.
31. Not literally.
32. I felt stupid.
33. I feel stupid fairly often.
34. But I think I’m pretty smart.
35. I might be wrong about that.
36. I’m smart enough to be able to say ‘shit’ in 5 languages.
37. But I can’t actually do it in a public restroom.
38. Unless I’m dying.
39. I also can’t pee outside.
40. I don’t know where these bathroom issues come from.
41. I also have issues with fowl, rats, and cockroaches.
42. I don’t know why.
43. I don’t have issues with snakes, spiders, or weird food.
44. Except Vegemite and Marmite and caviar.
46. But I love Mexican food.
47. I make great guacamole.
48. And chili.
49. But not much else.
50. I baked cookies from scratch.
52. I wish I cooked better.
53. I always wish at wishing wells and on stars.
55. I once sang Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star 62 times during a 4-hour car ride.
56. It kept my daughter from crying.
57. I like to change the words to songs to make her laugh.
58. My daughter has a great laugh.
59. She was a perfect baby.
60. I loved being pregnant.
61. Even though I was perfectly round.
62. And it was the middle of summer.
63. In the south.
64. My labor lasted less than 3 hours.
65. I thought I was dying.
66. I changed my mind about wanting a baby.
67. It hurt.
68. A lot.
69. I didn’t like giving birth.
70. At all.
71. I think the people who say you forget that pain are insane.
72. Or lying.
73. I will never forget it.
74. It felt like I was shitting out a couch.
75. My daughter is better than a couch.
76. Most days.
77. Some days I’d like to stuff her under the couch.
78. But I don’t.
79. I don’t do lots of things.
80. For example, I should be working right now.
81. I am a Certified Professional Résumé Writer.
82. I’m good at what I do.
83. But I’d rather blog.
84. I am addicted to blogging.
85. And to email.
86. And to Diet Pepsi.
87. But I gave that up.
88. Sort of.
89. I gave up chocolate, too.
90. Sort of.
91. I won’t give up wine.
92. Or beer.
93. I didn’t know pubs in England even served half-pints.
94. Why would they do that?
95. I love pubs.
96. And my friends.
97. And my dog.
98. And my kid.
99. And swimming.
100. And sheep.
101. Yeah, sheep.