formerly Diane's Addled Ramblings... the ramblings are still addled, just like before, and the URL is still the same...
it's just the title at the top of the page that's new

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Was That A Speedbump?!

WARNING: Full-blown VENT coming up... leave now if you don't want to read any bitching and moaning...



See the lady in the picture? See how she's smiling? See how she just ran over her ex? I SO wanted that to be me about two hours ago. I SO did. But I had my daughter in the car and I didn't want to have to pay for the therapy she'd need after witnessing such an event. So I just drove away. BOILING. And you, my friends, are going to hear why.

My ex came up to Richmond to see his sister for Thanksgiving, so I drove Ryan down there to hang out with him for the weekend. He lives in Alabama (he moved to be with the woman he cheated on me with... and then broke up with... after cheating on her) and for the past couple of years, he's seen Ryan twice a year. Yeah. Nice. He cries all sorts of things... no money (though he makes 4x what I do), can't get away from work, etc, etc. Whatever. Ryan doesn't miss him, as he's not exactly what you'd call attentive when they are together. Don't get me wrong, he loves her. He loves her as much as he is capable of loving anyone... he's simply not that capable.

Anyway, the newest girlfriend feels he should spend more time with Ryan (DUH) so he's been making a bit of an effort. He took her to Alabama for a week in August, over her birthday. He spent a fortune on clothes for her, though he did exactly what I told him not to do (of course he did, because he always knows better than I do) and bought sizes that fit her right at that moment... sizes which she outgrew about 5 minutes after they were purchased (like I said she would). So I had to go out and replace some of the clothes that no longer fit. Yeah. Nice. Like I can afford that. SO... he knows she needs clothes now but what does he buy her this weekend? Guess. Just guess. No, you can't possibly (because none of you are morons) so I'll tell you.

He bought her a purse. OK, I know you're thinking, 'what's the big deal?' Yeah, that's what I would think, too, IF the purse came from Target or WalMart, or someplace like that. But it didn't come from any of those stores. You want to know where it came from? Of course you do. It came from...

Coach.

Coach.

My 9-year-old daughter is now the proud owner of a COACH purse. And for those of you (guys) who don't know what 'Coach' means in Purse World, it means expensive. I'm talking $150.00 kind of expensive! For a little fabric bag!! For a NINE-YEAR-OLD!! Does this make sense to ANYONE OUT THERE?! And the best part? It looks almost identical (to an untrained eye, of course) to the $10.00 bag I got at Target last spring (for myself... I certainly don't own a Coach bag!). People, she wouldn't have known the difference! She didn't even know there was such a thing as a Coach bag until this weekend!

I'm pissed. Can you tell? I'm just SO pissed. If you read my Quote of the Week and my post from yesterday, you'll completely understand why. I'm busting my ass trying make ends meet... trying to teach her that stuff isn't important... that money doesn't grow on trees... that we already have so much and we need to be helping people who have less than we do... that the time we spend together and outside in nature and doing creative things is far more important than shopping. And then he goes and buys her, a 9-year-old, a $150 purse! Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

And when I asked him about it, his response was, "It's none of your business what I spend on her." Yeah. Nice. There was a time when I thought we were at least on the same page where our daughter was concerned (if nowhere else). He has proven me wrong time and again lately, however. Guess you can see why we're not married anymore.

Oh, and though I never say anything bad about my ex to my daughter (EVER), she understood that I was not happy today. I explained that I wasn't upset with her and reiterated the things I mentioned above - the values I want her to grow up with and why I feel they're so important. She said she understood... and I think she did. And then, bless her little Coach-totin' heart, she said,

"Mommy, if you ever want to borrow my bag, you can."

Sigh. I do so love my child. And though I'd like to run over her father's moronic ass with my car, I will be forever grateful that he donated the sperm to make her. And that's about the best you'll ever get out of me where he's concerned. Thanksgiving weekend is officially OVER.

20 comments:

Sam_I_am said...

mail him some poisoned cookies with a note that says "Sorry, I overreacted. Have some cookies to make up for it."

Diane said...

LOL... that's the thing, all I said to him was, "You're insane" and let it drop because I've learned from experience that arguing with him gets me nowhere. No, all of YOU get the benefit of my reaction (over or otherwise).

And all that being said, the cookies are a good idea ;).

Shanna said...

Awwwww "mommy you can borrow my bag" that's so sweet!

I totally agree with you. I honestly can't even find the words, I'm pissed off right with you. As if he couldn't have just given her, oh I don't know, something NORMAL?
It sounds like Ryan totally gets what's up with her dad...at least in her own 9 year old way.
Try not to murder him, you don't want to spend x-mas in the slammer ;)

HLiza said...

Oh my..do you know how much a tiny Coach purse costs us here? $800! That's like taking away all my house rental for the month! I could afford one Coach handbag last year because it was nicely tagged MADE IN CHINA; a fake.

And I totally understand how you feel. I'll send that poison cookie if I were you.

Mel said...

Oh, good God! Just when I think he's reached his limit, he just zooms right over it in his over-priced automobile that he won't drive on trips and has to pay for a rental. Ass.

Ronda's Rants said...

First...I think the bag was more like $250 unless it is a makeup bag! If she is so-so about it...tell her maybe she would like to sell it and and use the money to buy clothes! That's would I would do...really! I think he is insane too!
I wonder how girlfriend felt about this...It's hard to think any sane person would think a coach bag is appropiate for a 9 year old!!!
I vote with you!

J Cosmo Newbery said...

Ouch! You should put up a 'wear oven gloves' warning for these things.

Protege said...

Diane, unfortunately this is very common after a divorce; the excessive gift giving, as if that would make up for the lost time with the child or lessen the guilt.
However, considering how bright Ryan is and how well she responds to you and the way you have brought her up, she does understand that money will not buy her love nor alter the standards but which to live.
Besides, just borrow the pursue from time to time and enjoy it!;)))

Andy said...

Just to clarify...
You're upset, right?
Just kidding... Yeah, that was a bonehead move on his part.

Also- yes, I know the name thing was no biggie. Let's put it in this context- if that was the worst thing that happened to me in the past month, I'm doing pretty well (mostly Capricorn's doing).

Live More Now (LMN) said...

Good for you. Stick to those values. Your daughter will be fine with a mom like you. I totally agree, I would be fuming. And I would probably send that little Coach bag to the ex's girlfriend, since that is probably the only reason he knows about Coach in the first place. I make fun of the Coach store every time I see one - it is one of the most ridiculous concepts ever. Paying $150 dollars (OR MORE) for some ridiculous little bag, the inexpensive version of which could have carried .... that $150.

Heather said...

Good grief. What a moron. Do you know how many things I could buy with $150?? My mom has taught me to shop sales, stretch a dollar and NEVER buy anything full-price. :) I don't think I've ever paid more than $30 for a purse, and that was even a bit much for me. Why spend a fortune on something to carry your money in? It seems a little backwards to me.

justsomethoughts... said...

1. i'm glad i'm not your ex.
2. if he ever runs out of ideas for spending money, plese give him my phone number.
3. i'm VERY glad i'm not your ex.
4. your wisdom will prevail over his - or (severe) lack thereof. it seeks its own level.

Heinous said...

She should have one to match every outfit though, shouldn't she? Just kidding ;)

hautepocket said...

So you guys are totally getting back together, right?

Solei said...

I am seriously LOL!!!
"You can borrow my purse!!!!!!!!!" Lol, she's a doll!
=0D

SouthernBelle said...

One word Diane: eBay.

eBay that purse and let her buy whatever replacement her little heart desires from Claire's, and then take the rest of the moolah to Target and get her some new clothes.

Also, your ex sounds like a d-bag, and you are monumentally well-adjusted.

Amy McMean a.k.a McSunshine said...

WOW! My friend and I were just talking about how if we ever had enough money to pay our bills and have some leftover to spend on something we don't need we would buy eachother coach purses. WOW. I'm 27 and don't even have a coach bag. My $15 bag from Target is just fine.

Braja said...

Your daughter is priceless :) And you know something? She hit the nail on the head. Let him buy her that stuff. And then use it. With JOY. If you're getting JOY from what he's doing, he'll stop doing it. Simple. Your daughter is a r/ship genius. :)))

Braja said...

btw, why don't you have followers? Go on...jump.

La Pixie said...

I think its totally sweet of her to offer to lend the bag to you. awww

yeah, a 9-year old does not need a Coach purse. or even a regular purse, really. my dad gave me a Dooney when I was like 11 and my mom hit the roof. its about half the price of a Coach, but still. my dad is kinda clueless. I love Coach and Kate Spade and Prada, but all things in good time. and now, is totally not a good time.