(Note: If you didn't read yesterday's post, you might want to, otherwise this one probably won't make any sense. Of course, I don't always make sense and you might be used to it by now, so whatever works for you...)
(Also note: for those of you who don't reside in the US and might not know their names, Mary Matalin and James Carville are very outspoken and well-known politcal analysts... she's a Republican and he's a Democrat. They also happen to be married...)
How do Mary Matalin and James Carville do it?! Bipartisan, my ass. I think somebody's lyin' in that house. How can two people whose views are so diametrically opposed -- and held with such passion -- have a solid marriage? How can they raise children in a world they see so differently? I get that there are some simliarities in conservative and liberal views... I do. And I suppose if you both feel similarly about religion and faith in general, you can find some common ground (admittedly, I don't know the Matalin/Carville views on religion). But damn... how do you find the common ground otherwise? Maybe if there's enough chemistry between you, there's an incentive to try. I guess I've just never encountered that sort of chemistry with a Republican. Well, I did once, actually, but when he told me that my half-Hispanic (i.e. 'mixed race') daughter was a difficulty he didn't want to have to deal with in a relationship, the chemistry was Shot. To. Shit.
All I know is that I want someone who feels the same (or similarly at least) as I do about some pretty major social issues. And it's not about politics or being Republican or Democrat (I don't label myself in that way). It's about what I believe... about the world, about people and their rights, about me. And while I accept that not everyone will see the world the way I do, and while I truly respect everyone's right to their beliefs and opinions, I've discovered I'm not willing to compromise my own or give my heart to someone whose heart isn't in the same place as mine. Period.
PS... I also re-discovered my love for raspberry margaritas last night (especially when they're made by bartenders who really know what a tequila shot is!).
PPS... The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was very good, even with Brad Pitt (when you're not ready for a nearly-3-hour movie to be over, you know it's special). It's worth a go and full of reminders that life, no matter what direction it's moving, is something to be lived fully and not experienced half-assed.
PPPS... Thanks for your very funny (very visual) comments on yesterday's post! You guys are the best and you totally crack me up! Oh, and Jane!, yeah, I'm pretty sure he had a penis. A Republican penis. And he's a really nice guy (I'm sure his penis is nice, too)... but nice doesn't equate to compatible. Oh well. Back to the drawing board.
44 comments:
Yes, i am first!!!!!! Ok, just had to say that because, well i'm dorky that way!!!
As far as your beliefs girl don't ever change for anybody!!! You are who you are and you are great!! If i am confusing you with all the you and who just know the word great!!!
Penis aside, was he a nice boy??
Benjamin Button rocked. I am now a fan of Brad Pitt. Something about him in this movie just made me a Pitt believer!!! Cate Blanchett is gorgeous by the way. DUH!!!
Have a great Saturday!!!
i actually didn't know what you were talking about until I hit raspberry margaritas, which sounds might fine :)
Nice to hear of someone standing up for keeping their beliefs and not sacrificing. Too often I'm finding people want to push their beliefs on me but if mine aren't the same, they don't want to hear them. Whatever happened to dialogue!
so...i'm gathering that it's safe to assume that there won't be another day with Republican man?
raspberry margaritas are the BEST!
Uh Oh...Itake it the date did not go well??
I am sorry...My Hubby is a little more conservative than I am...most people are...but he is still a Democrat...I think the reason I can get along usually with him is because he is respectful of others who disagree with him. Keep looking...maybe a bar tender!!!
Funny, I've wondered the same thing about the Matalin- Carville couple.
They both are very active and opinionated in their respective parties. My husband and I would be fightin' all the time!
Actually, during this past election, he was saying some things I REALLY disagreed with and I listened for awhile then finally said, "You need to stop talking 'cause it's making me not like you anymore!"
We just both started laughing, because he knew I really wasn't serious...well, kinda'.
Anyway, I do agree that you can't bend for someone else when it's your CONVICTIONS not just your opinions.
Someone things are not worth the wasting of your words, other things are worth the fight!
Maybe you'll influence the Republican guy? Any chance?
Not worth the fight?
I happen to find you delightful although I'm sure we wouldn't agree on much politically.
That's Ok. I'm a conservative who still respects the opinions of liberals. Am I the only one out there?
Dating can be hell. I was in my 30's when I got to try it again. It was not pretty and I had decided I was too good for most men. Then I met a man who was incredible - nice, honest, generous, employed. He is everything that my ex is not. I still can't figure out why he adores me, he is much nicer than I am. We recently celebrated 14 years of marriage. During that time we have raised 3 kids (my first 2 and added one more). We do not agree politically and if we let it, it could be a problem, but we respect each other and that's what keeps it in perpective.
I've been to the dark side, it's a much brighter happier place where I am now. I'm always counting my blessings.
OK, having got the blog world all excited and a-tingle, what next?
Michelle... awww, thanks, darlin'! And yes, very nice... just a little narrow-minded for my taste :)
Braja... Sorry! I added the little note at the top, as I wasn't thinking of people not understanding me (since no one in my family ever understands me, I'm used to it ;).
Meryl... I've found the same thing. I really hope, though, that I've not been guilty of that myself. I try really hard to consider all sides of an issue and not press my views on someone... but sometimes that's difficult, especially when you feel passionately!
Jill... no dates, no... friends, yes. And, yes, margaritas rock ;)
Ronda... 'Keep looking' is my mantra :)
Sherri... thank you for the delightful comment (I love that word! ;). Influence... no, I don't think so. That's not ever my goal... at least I don't think it is. As for disrespect, it is present on both sides of the political fence, sadly, but I'll be honest, I've seen it more from the conservative side (not picking, just observing). But hopefully enough respectful people can get together to really solve some problems... we can dream, anyway, right?
Chris... I'm glad for you! My ex and I agreed politically... but not on anything else ;)
Lee... what's next? I guess what's always next... keep plugging along, being me, and hopefully one day I'll stumble upon the the frog who kisses like Gerard Butler (or Clive Owen... he'd be good, too ;)
I think I would lean more to the Merlot than the Margaritas but I will have to find out for myself now.
JCosmo... they both have their appeal (as does a cold beer). It depends on the mood, the company, and the craving, I think. Tonight will be wine :)
Now, really... all this talk about penises... I thought they were nonpartisan. But I was thrilled to hear that you won't sacrifice opinion for sex. It would be like the tail wagging the dog or something...
Sorry the romance didn't work out. Some day your Prince will come. (Ugh... that wasn't what I meant.)
Too bad it didnt' work out but good for you for recognizing it and moving forward ;)
I guess if the chemisty is right anyone can make it work - I married a strict Mormon boy and I'm Agnostic...nearly 13 years so far - though I must admit to corrupting the poor guy a little (ok A LOT) ;)
if I had a kid and someone made an off comment remark about him/her, I'd say, "I may be a Democrat, but let me show you exactly what the second amendment is all about." Then I'd shoot him.
You can do better than that. This is a free match weekend at EHarmony.com ;-)
I have been married for *cough* 20 years and we really dont talk about politics that often. I think perhaps that Matalin- Carville couple just agree to disagree and move onto other topics... that would be my guess at least.
I also liked the Button movie and Brad was very good in the role.
Have you seen Slumdog Millionaire? That was another good movie I have seen lately...
BTW I found you through Hliza.=]
Sophia... I do hope my prince comes... well... OK, yeah, I do ;). Though he doesn't need to be a prince. Just a guy would be cool!
Shanna... I like the idea of corrupting someone ;)
Sam... that might work, except that I don't like guns (liberal, remember? ;)
Helene... welcome and thanks for the comments! I get the 'agree to disagree' thing and I'm cool with that about a lot of things... but for me, when the issues involve deep-seated core values, agreeing to disagree just doesn't work. I haven't even heard of that movie, but I'll see if I can find it... thanks!
I was laughing my ass off before I got to the "meat" of this post. Because I KNEW you couldn't not discuss politics with someone you already know you disagree with. It's like a giant pink elephant in the room! Then someone makes an innocent, flirty remark about how charming one is for being so conservative/liberal (or an equivalent comment), and before you know it (maybe the raspberry margaritas were involved)((I've never heard of raspberry, note to self: must try!)) you're in the thick of a very heated political/social debate, and then you realize you're SO not going to see this person again.
Also, I've never head of either of those people and I live in the states. And I actually followed politics in the 12 months prior to the election.
PS - either move to a more liberal area or invest in a better vibrator.
Cat... I'm afraid I'm stuck in Pigsknuckle for a while... sigh. And my vibrator is top of the line... he always delivers but he's not much of a cuddler.
Aww...I had such high hopes. Sigh. Back to the pond for you.
Hmmm...a vibrator that cuddles. You've got quite the marketing idea there...
So the shaving your legs thing... and the thong-wearing thing... total waste of time? Sorry!
Jim... I've got my R&D team working on it.
Blognut... I've actually done the whole no shaving/granny panties thing to ensure good behavior... but last night it wasn't necessary :)
First, I'm glad you liked the "Curious Case of Benjamin Button."
Second, I agree that you should never compromise your core beliefs for someone else (especially a man). Although I am married to a man who picks the music he listens to by how hot the girl is who sings the songs (when I met him he listened to Britney Spears; now he listens to Miley Cyrus) and who DOESN'T READ BOOKS, he shares my values in the things that truly truly count --even though I find his musical taste and lack of reading appalling.
That sucks that your date was not a homerun. Keep on ... the Democrats are coming, the Democrats are coming so maybe you'll have better luck after Jan. 20th.
Jenners... no offense, but I find your husband's taste in music a little creepy (and by creepy, I mean pervy ;). I was married to a non-reader, too. I didn't even know there was such a thing 'til we met. Anyway, I'll keep looking... liberal-minded people are not exactly plentiful in Pigsknuckle, but I know there are some...
Well...at least you got some margaritas out of the deal!
Happy New Year, it feels good to be back in blogland!
psst. I gave you an award
My mum reckons you're well shot of him. Nice isn't good enough. She says you're right. Someone must be lying in the Matalin & Carville relationship - big time. Some differences are healthy - mum and Uncle Hugh don't like all the same things but on big stuff they agree.
After my husband and I dated a while, he told me he had 3 questions he always asked women on the first date and wouldn't ask them out again if the answers were wrong. His questions were: 1. Do you live with your parents? 2. Are you Catholic? 3. Have you ever been married? Obviiously I answered all three correctly.
What a great idea. Decide what is most important to you and find out those 3, 4, 5 things on the first meeting or date. I happen to be an atheist and I would let guys know upfront. If that turned them off, we were done. The worst was when they tried to convert me on the first date. But other than that, I hadn't really thought about what was important to me about them. Then one wastes so much time on someone only to find out you can't agree on the basics.
But now I know, I probably would not be able to live with a Republican, a religious person, or someone who didn't love animals. If I were looking now, if the guy was even neutral about W, that would end it for me.
My husband was sort of apolitical when we met. He was mildly non-religious. But he not only loved animals, animals adored him. Now, he hates W, is agnostic, and still loves animals. He's a keeper.
The correct answers for my husband were: No, No, Yes. He thought women who lived at home were too dependent and emotionally attached to the people who might be in-laws, he thought most Catholic girls were sexually repressed (he grew up Catholic so it wasn't a religious prejudice), and since he had been divorced, he wanted someone who understood what it meant to be married. Actually, he told me he could probably live with one wrong answer, but certainly not all three. I got a perfect score.
I'm sorry to hear that thte date didn't go well and I get angry for you when I remember the ass from "brown, it's just a colour".
As for being able to date a Republican, I've done it twice. Tinkerbell is like my political opposite whereas Eva is a moderate so it leads to some rather interesting conversations.
Diane, Just loved your "Shot. To. Shit." First time I've seen that little writing ploy. Got any more?
I have to think they just don't talk at home to keep the peace. And they drink a lot of raspberry margaritas
Gawd, Diane. Can you bare one more post on this topic? I share Sam I Am's feelings regarding the 2nd Ammendment. Thanks for the up-"date" (har-har!)
As for the Matalin/Carville duo - just what America is rumored to be around politics: bi-polar. Maybe your attempt to get to know this "R" guy is willingness to get uncomfortable with this divide. How couragous of you! Even if you find a nice "D" guy, it will be work: don'tchya hate that?!
Oh well..then maybe next time you'll get a better date. I was drawn to my hubby beacuse of his anti-ruling party ways..a kind of rebel seems so attractive especially when my parents are painfully obsessed with the ruling party itself. I was too young to think about politics that time..
HP... glad to have you back! You were missed!
Sam... Awww, thanks! I'll be over to get it shortly!
Henry... your mum is right. I think you have to agree on the big things!
CW... I have my list, no worries!
Kendall... interesting conversations are always good... it's when they get to the 'I'd like to gouge your eyes out' stage that there's a problem ;)
Billy... thanks! I replied on your blog :)
Andy... You're probably right. I know I'd have to drink a lot to be married to Mary Matalin. Well, that and have a sex change.
Gwenlyn... I'm OK with having to work at it... I'd just like the odds to be in my favor :)
HLiza... a better date is always the objective :)
i will just go ahead and assume that one of them (or both) are VERY good at something.
Oooooh WOW, so it went THAT well, huh? Interesting. :)
At least the movie was good!
Sorry Diane, another frog, huh?
Nevertheless, I admire your optimism and persistence. And especially your humor. The way you describe your life experiences, aspects of which we all can recognize and identify with, is what keeps all of us coming back to your excellent blog.;)
Silly girl!!! Since when does kissing, hugging, touching, or tugging have anything to do with government policy??? When a mate cleans bathrooms, does laundry and helps the kids with school projects, I am sure that no one is thinking about what God they may worship. And when they remember all the little important dates and to leave notes and send...no wait...pick flowers for you on the occasional random day, what has that to do with anything other than they want to share time with you and make you smile?? We strive to live up to our expectations, but live in your own house and enjoy the company no matter what is happening outside your door.
Anonymous... I beg to differ. As I said, it's not about politics... it's about core values. And you can't get to the part where the mate shares all those responsibilities if your core values aren't in line!
I just think that love has the ability to transcend all the crap we, as people, are able to drag into our lives. Ultimately, life is about working hard to build your nest and then raising the kids in that nest. Whatever happens outside the nest is just that, outside. When a couple have the ability to drop everything else at the door and just live within an unconditionally loving environment, then nothing else matters. Not disagreeing with the need for core values, just saying that we have the ability to love beyond personal opinions.
And I don't dispute that. But I'm also realistic. My point is that you can't get to the point where love can transcend all the crap if you can't get to the love. Love doesn't happen overnight... it happens over time and in order to want to spend time with someone, you have to feel that you have things in common. Your core values have to be similar. If they're not... if someone believes something so dramatically different from you (say, that gay people shouldn't have the right to get married because they're 'lesser' in some way... or that a mixed-race child has no place on the planet), then HOW can you set that aside in order to fall in love? I can't. Why would I want to be in love with someone who thinks my friends and my child are less than he is? THAT is what I'm talking about... not that love can't conquer a lot of shit. But you have to get to the love first.
Who in their right mind would judge others by the way they love or are that is not in their control. I loved in Legends of the Fall where the Native Indian girl says that Tristan called her a half-breed (which takes everyone aback), then follows it up with half bird and half otter (or something like that). Of course Tristan ends up marrying her and avenging her unfortunate death (as any husband would do). Great movie.
OOYSA
People do it all the time. Hello... what planet do you live on? The Republican did it, which is how I knew he wasn't someone I could date.
I'm sure it gives you great pleasure to know you're driving me batty, but who the hell are you?
Don't go batty. Just enjoy the anonymous love!! I love that you are honest about your beliefs in something greater than all of us. I love that you respect each and every person's right to make the family they want. I love that you have been in love more than once and not including your husband. I love that you have such a strong devotion to your daughter. I love that you love to write and are willing to share it with the blog world. You are amazing and someone out there will be really lucky to share your life and world with you and Ryan.
OOYSA
That made me cry. But I still want to know who you are. Please?
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