formerly Diane's Addled Ramblings... the ramblings are still addled, just like before, and the URL is still the same...
it's just the title at the top of the page that's new

Monday, March 16, 2009

I Think That's Called a 'Sneeth'...

Well, it's Monday, gloomy Monday, and I've got nothin' new so I'm going to tell you an old story that always makes me laugh, 'cause whether or not you can use a giggle today, I could sure handle it.

First, you know how a sneeze combined with a fart is (in addition to being incredibly embarrassing) called a 'snart'? You didn't know? Really? Well, it is. I like combo words like that... they make me laugh. My cousin Anne, who lives in New Zealand, told me one that made me chuckle for, like, 3 days. Her son Jack had a stomach bug and was feeling much like I was feeling on Friday night (you know, after I consumed the entire bag of prunes)... and, bless his little heart, he thought he was only going to fart but he... well... did a little more than that. Anne dubbed it a 'shart'. Funny, eh? Yeah, it runs in my family. The funny, not the runs. Well, sometimes...

ANYWAY, before I digress to the point of no return, this story isn't about snarts or sharts... it's about a 'sneeth'. What's a sneeth, you ask? Well, my bloggy friends, do read on...

About 100 years ago, I worked for a video retail company (like Blockbuster, but smaller), in the Operations Department at the corporate office. Part of my job was going out to the stores to do monthly evaluations and audits. One morning, I was in our largest store, looking at something behind the counter where Rob, the store manager, was working. An old man, ready to check out his movies, put them on the counter and handed Rob his video card and money. Then he backed up and took a deep breath, clearly gearing up for a massive sneeze. As he let it fly (without, I might add, covering his mouth), his false teeth flew out of his mouth, shot about 5 feet, and landed on the floor behind Rob and me.
Rob and I, stunned, looked at each other... looked at the teeth... looked at the man. The old guy, calm and seemingly unaffected, walked behind the counter, picked up the teeth, and just popped them back in. He took his bag from Rob without a word and just hobbled out of the store, as if a sneeth happened to him every day. And who knows? Maybe it did.

We burst out laughing, Rob doubled over the counter, me sinking to the floor. Luckily, we didn't have another customer for a while after, as I'm not sure either of us could've managed any sort of transaction that required us to stand up straight. It was months before we could look at each other without laughing. At Christmas, I gave him a tube of Effergrip, with a note that said, "For Sneeth Man."

Sometimes I miss that job.

26 comments:

blognut said...

Oh, that IS funny! Monday mornings are the perfect time for old stories that make us laugh.

BTW, how's the colon? Clean as a whistle, I'm betting. ;0)

Jane! said...

Wow, I've heard of sharts but never snarts. I've also hear of sneeing but what do they call it when you cough and pee? I guess that kind of thing gets worse with age.... I want to be prepared with the correct terminology.

SSP said...

oh my god, i think i just cheeped, I was laughing so hard (that is choking and peeing at the same time). thanks for monday gigggle!!

Blu said...

You made me cry!!..That reminded me of a customer (years back) who fell asleep in his dinner face first. MOH asked me if I minded washing the blokes glasses. They were covered in meat and mashed spuds!

Michelle said...

Diane that is hilarious!!

Image if when his teeth shot out of his mouth, they actually bite you on the way down??? I have no word for a flying teeth bite but it would have been kinda funny????

NO?

OK!!!

HAPPY MONDAY!!!

Heather, aka Jake's Mommy said...

That's hilarious!! I don't know how ya'll held your own until the man exited the store. I would be afraid I would have let out a big 'what the ...!?'

Amy McMean a.k.a McSunshine said...

Thtas so funny. It's one of those "what do we do" times. do you say soemthing, do you pretned like it didn't happen. To funny.

Ronda's Rants said...

I my goodness you made me laurt!!!

mo.stoneskin said...

Brilliant, and I'm jealous that I wasn't in the shop to witness that.

A Woman Of No Importance said...

That is sooo funny, Diane, and I'm betting that was not the only occasion he had to carry out that manoeuvre before witnesses!

I am loving the 'cheeping' word, mentioned above, and at this great age, I have experienced that too!

By the way, when tiny Grizz was perched, laughing his romper suit off in the laundry basket, hiding from his dad, and when he lifted him out, giggling, a little part of him was left there...

We refer to it as the time he 'laid an egg in the laundry basket!' A priceless tale!

Protege said...

Hehe, Diane I think I might return here later tonight with P for a good laugh.;))
This was hilariously funny, in a kinda gross way.;)) I can't believe that the man was left so un-effected.;)

Mama Wheaton said...

It could have only been the shock that allowed you to compose yourself until after he left, thanks for the giggles.

Sam_I_am said...

That's hilarious! I remember a timewhen I was little, you might call it a gu-di-th.

My mom was chewing some gum and it was super sticky stuff and her teeth fell out, into the dirt, but they looked like they were bungee jumping on the gum and kinda dangled there, bouncing into the dirt. I couldn't have been any older than 7, but I can close my eyes and see that gooey pink bungee.

Sometimes Sophia said...

Very drole. A sneeth sounds like something Lewis Carroll might have jabberwockied about. Love the toothsome turtle... is he yours?

Soda and Candy said...

Hahaha, gold!

Mel said...

I don't think I ever heard you tell that story before. That's funny! Rob, as in store 7 Rob, or a different one? He never seemed to have much of a sense of humor to me, but I guess if someone was sneezing out their false teeth it could make even the dourest person laugh.

jill said...

the frog is creepy, but the story is great!

Henry the Dog said...

(Henry doubled up with laughter clutching his stomach with his paws...).........

Pam said...

I was 19. I was meeting my soon-to-be husband's Great Aunt for the first time. I smiled at her. She said "They're nice teeth dear, are they your own??" Oldies and teeth stories, I love them. Thanks for the laugh.

Lee said...

Words fail me!

Lisa said...

how have i lived without knowing that story ?
its brilliant !

sherri said...

Great story.

My aunt just got a new set of false teeth.
I'll be sure to pass along this story so she'll knoe to cover her mouth in the event she feels a sneeth coming on!

namaste said...

The best! I had a job in a small retail video/music store (called video towne) and we were always having those kind of experiences there also. miss those days. things like that never happen here! darn.

Melissa said...

OMG...that is TOO FUNNY... i was just laughing out loud at my desk!!

LMN said...

WOW. You don't see that every day, THANK GOODNESS. What a surprise. Hope I never see the day! But sneeth definitely captures that little, um, event, episode, not sure what to call it. Digressing, my dad said that in gradeschool a girl, well, sneezed and farted at the same time and it was so obvious EVERYONE knew and she got called "Sneeze 'n fart" for the rest of her days. ... Apparently at LEAST through high school. Ouch.

blueviolet said...

That is so funny! I can't believe he had basically no reaction to that even whatsoever. You're probably right. It's happened more than a few times.

What's a cough and a fart together called? I heard that from the other side of the bed a couple of days ago.