formerly Diane's Addled Ramblings... the ramblings are still addled, just like before, and the URL is still the same...
it's just the title at the top of the page that's new

Monday, April 20, 2009

Heaven Help Us...

We live in a college town. This is, for the most part, a good thing. Were it not for Pigsknuckle University, our fair locale would be but a cow patty on the road to DC... or Richmond... or Charlottesville. As it stands, while we are woefully lacking in some of the cultural events/venues other university towns seem to offer, we have a significant number of restaurants and stores we wouldn't have if P.U. didn't exist... 20,000 extra people living here 9 months out of the year creates a need for places to eat and buy stuff. Additionally, there are two other smaller universities within a stone's throw and a community college just outside of town. So we are overrun with students aged 18 to 22. This creates certain challenges...

For example, in addition to finding it impossible to get anywhere in town during move-in, move-out, parents', or homecoming weekends, it's sometimes necessary to explain things to my young child I'd rather not. Like last fall...

We were driving down Main Street the day after Halloween. We passed two girls walking home from, I hope, a Halloween party they'd attended the night before. I say 'I hope', as they were dressed pretty much in their underwear, along with thigh-high stockings and 5-inch stilettos. Before I could catch myself, I blurted out, "My God, they look like hookers!" Ryan quickly asked, "What's a hooker?" Crap. So I did something that was not on my agenda for that day, people... I explained... to my 9-year-old... what a hooker is. Lovely. Sometimes, though, my 9-year-old doesn't need explanations...

This weekend we went out for breakfast and seated at a table near us were 4 college-guys...

Ry: Did you see that guy's shirt?

Me: The one that said, "I like boobies"? Yeah. Silly, eh?

Ry: Oh, yeah, I saw that one, too. But no, I mean the other one...

Me: No... I didn't notice another one. What did it say?

Ry (leaning forward, whispering...): It said, "My pen is big". But it didn't mean his pen. It meant his penis.

Me (shaking my head and rolling my eyes...): Sorry to say I missed that one.

Ry (thoughtfully...): You know, I'm thinking if he has to advertise it on his shirt, it's probably not that big.

Me: Choke, sputter, guffaw...

Every day I realize just how like me my kid is. I totally would have said that... had I been sitting with a friend and not my 9-year-old daughter. She is me in so very many ways. Heaven help us both...

31 comments:

Heather said...

PRICELESS!!! Oh, that Ryan is a smart, smart girl!!

Tabitha in Bliss said...

LOL!! Sounds like something Charlie would blurt out as well. I'm very impressed with little miss Ry!!

Very intelligent princess you have my friend!

blognut said...

God! I was totally thinking that myself!

Isn't is cool how sometimes you don't know whether to be proud of your kid, or afraid of her?

Andy said...

Can Ryan write for my blog? She obviously is wittier than I am.

mo.stoneskin said...

Funny stuff.

[Squirms uncomfortably and subtley removes his 'my pen is big' shirt and stuffs it in the bin]

Christine Gram said...

I feel you... I'm so glad the my kids have not picked up on all the "A" Style shirts around town (basically meant to look like to people doing it doggy style, which becomes the A with two heads on one side).

Jane! said...

Before long she will be explaining t-shirts to YOU. Trust me, this happens WAY too soon.
And then she will be OMGing on her facebook about how her mother is SO.... not cool.
Even though WE know that we truly are cool. And smartasses. Cool smartasses. What more perfect combination?

boneman (and his wild zinnia) said...

I used to have one called gator kama sutra and was a plethora of gator pictures doing it. None were larger than two square inches, and I thought it looked ok from a distance.
Then one day I heard a small voice behind me ask her Mom what the gators were doing.
Well, a hushed yelling whisper to the child and a louder 'how dare someone wear that in public' for me to hear, and I thought, oK, not in public, anymore.

Then I heard of a guy who had a large breasted woman painted on the hood of his car (well done, too) get three months for parking downtown Indianapolis.

I threw my shirt away.

In a state where censorship is still so prevalent, where 'boss hawg' still runs the state, and where the police can break into the homes of civilians and murder them in their beds, it isn't always wise to poke the bear with a stick, just for grins.

Amy McMean a.k.a McSunshine said...

Ahh Ry learns the important lessons about guys early in life.

Chris said...

She's figured guys out by age NINE? Lord help us all.

sherri said...

You never need to worry about this daughter of yours.

She's already got it all figured out.

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Darling Diane, Fhina-anecdote coming on...

I regularly used to check what 12 year old Grizz was looking at online...

Shocked to find he had last been looking at something called Penis Land, I quizzed him about what he had been doing...

'...It's Pen Island, mum!,' he said, indulgently and long-sufferingly... I didn't know where to put my red face...

Good luck, Diane. Ryan is such a lovely star - A delight! x

♥ Braja said...

OK, so that's confirmed: dinner for 3 when i come over, at a place where the traffic is interesting and the talk of you two will keep me this entertained... xx

Rachel Cotterill said...

she is one bright girl :)

Heather, aka Jake's Mommy said...

Oh my dear, she's adorable and hilarious and seriously just like the perfect little girl! I would have died laughing had I been there. Well, what do I mean?! I died laughing just reading about it!

tinkalicious said...

I love your relationship with your daughter. I was blessed with two boys, but can relate! Go herefor a shoutout!:)

Lee said...

Look out world!

Michelle said...

Oh dear.

Im LMAO here

Good luck!

septembermom said...

You have a very smart girl on your hands! My 9 year old son is still clueless. Or so I think! Enjoyable post! Glad that I came by to visit after stopping by Jenners :)

Blu said...

Smart.......she sussed him eh!

Jenners said...

So funny! You can't pull one over on your girl!

Lisa said...

cyan hit the nail on the head- if he is saying its that big, its probably not.and yes, i would have explained what a hooker was too.........

Debbie said...

this really made me laugh! BUT deeper it touched me her safety with you! I am trying to learn this with my 9 year old...learning to stop trying to 'teach and guide' all the time..sometimes to just let her be..and the affect would be more openness...she told me an 'almost' bad joke today:) bad for a 9yo anyway, haha...thats start!! LOL!!!!
by the way LOVED the name ideas..my kids LOVE gilligans island...thats at the top right now!!!!

Mel said...

The Goddaughter is one wise chickadee. One day she will enlighten many more people with her wisosity (sometimes pronounced wiseassity). In my mind I see her at a party when she's a college student saying that exact same thing to a dude wearing that exact same t-shirt.

Ryan is the new Confucius.

hebba said...

Oh, she is a smart one!

Protege said...

I think it is a very good thing that Ryan is like you! We need more Dianes in this world.;))And imagine how nice it will be when she grows older - and you will find a friend in her.;))
I enjoyed catching up on your other posts as well; I have to check out those movies you mention.
And congratulations on your award.;)))

Michelle said...

Ryan is very observant and smart!! I like her!!

I like you too!!!

dianne said...

Lol, I love her, she is unassuming and honest.

You two girls have so much fun ahead of you. :-)

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Sam_I_am said...

She is so hilarious. Kid's really do say the darndest things. I also realized how much she looks like Fiance's cousin when she and his aunt were in visiting. They live in Virginia too. Maybe long lost cousins. lol

LMN said...

And did he drive a big truck or a really outrageous sports car and have a prescription for rogaine in his pocket? Poor guy. Having to advertise. So glad not to have to deal with pen problems.