Tuesday Tosh...

'Cause I've got nothin' else...

1. I got rear-ended this morning (again). And not in that enjoyable way, either. That makes four times in the last year! Four, people... F.O.U.R. And each and every time was at a stop light, when I was sitting perfectly still, just minding my own business. I've decided to just stop stopping when the light's red. I figure I have a better chance at avoiding being T-boned than I do getting hit from behind, given my track record of late. Luckily, only one of the bumps required any repairs to my car... and get this... that time I was hit by a cop. Yup. It made me laugh, too... well, a day or two later, as it wasn't all that funny at the time. I've never been a nervous driver but I tell you, when I'm at a light and I see someone coming up behind me, my whole body goes all tense and I have to force myself not to scoot up a bit more. There have been times lately when I've been tempted to get out of my car at lights and tell people to get off my damned bumper. But I don't. 'Cause this is Pigsknuckle. And people carry guns 'round here.

2. I've just gotten off the phone with the local news station... I asked them to do a public service announcement about a renegade flock of ostriches roaming Pigsknuckle. I haven't actually seen them, but one (or more) of them shat on my (newly washed... and newly rained-upon... natch) car last night. I figure it had to be an ostrich, as no normal sized bird could produce a poo that big. And I'm thinking it's very possible he was snacking on those yummy Sunsweet Orange Essence Dried Plums.

3. Ryan's music teacher is a horrible woman... a sadist, really. Remember how she sent home that instrument from Hell... the recorder...? Well, in an effort to get the kids to practice and move forward, and with (clearly) no regard whatsoever for their parents' mental health, she instituted this 'belt' system... each song the child learns (to her satisfaction, mind you), earns said child a belt (like in karate), from white all the way to black (it's actually just a piece of colored thread tied around the end of the torture device). You know how many there are? Nine. So, Ryan earned her black belt the other day. And with great joy and relief, I threw away my earplugs. Then, on the way to school this morning, I noticed her studying her music book. "What's that you're looking at?" I asked in interested-mother fashion. "Oh, it's a new song I have to learn for the recorder," she replied off-handedly. "Ummm... what? I thought you were finished with that when you got your black belt," I stammered, my heart sinking into my Nikes. "Oh," she began, her little face all lit up with happiness, "I finished with the first part of the program. Now I get to earn my extra-credit pink belt and a bead for each of the 10 belts, too!" Gulp. "Does that mean you have to learn 11 new songs?" I asked, dread oozing from every pore. "Yup! Isn't that cool?!" I nearly crashed the car. I hate that music teacher. And I'll find a way to get her back, if it's the last thing I do. Before I go deaf. Or insane.

4. I've been writing resumes for IT people for about 5 years now. In all that time, I've written the word 'Linux' (it's an operating system... I think) about 53,584 times. And each time I've written it, I've pronounced it (in my head, as I don't think I've ever spoken the word out loud), the way you say 'Linus' (you know, the little kid with the blanket in the Peanuts comic strip), except with an 'x' on the end and not an 's'. Well, on the radio today, I heard an ad for a computer repair company and the announcer pronounced it with a short 'i', like 'linen'. "I'll be damned," I said (out loud that time). It was sort of like when I saw that Jim Varney (of, 'You know what I mean, Vern?' fame) commercial years ago... it was the first time I realized that epi-tome and ep-it-Oh-me were the same word. Yeah, not my brightest moment.

And that's all I've got. Happy Tuesday, lovely bloggy people!