formerly Diane's Addled Ramblings... the ramblings are still addled, just like before, and the URL is still the same...
it's just the title at the top of the page that's new

Monday, April 27, 2009

Stuck But Good...

So, I changed my quote of the week early because my cousin Alyce emailed me, horrified that I'd quoted Alice in Wonderland or, in Alyce's words, "... the vilest piece of crap ever written." Truth be told, I agree with her about Alice... I just liked that quote (My dear, here we must run as fast as we can, just to stay in place. And if you wish to go anywhere you must run twice as fast as that), as it describes pretty well how I've been feeling lately. Anyway, the poor kid hasn't slept in three days (we share insomniac tendencies), so rather than cause her any further angst, I took the quote down and went in search of a replacement. I found the Einstein one that's up now...

The world we have created is a product of our thinking; it cannot be changed without changing our thinking. It reminds me of something my friend Todd says a lot... his saying's not as eloquent as Einstein's, but the message is the same... If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got.

It's simple. It's logical. It's true.

So, what do we humans need to change our way of thinking? Some cataclysmic event? A massive terrorist attack? A life-threatening illness? A near-death experience? It seems so. On a global scale, anyway, we often do little to change until we're nearing the brink of disaster... or just after we've fallen into the precipice.

But what about as individuals? What do we need to change our thinking? Have you ever done it? I mean really changed the way you thought about something that had been ingrained...? Have you ever made an extreme life-change (for the positive) because something caused you to 'do different than you'd always done in order to get different than you'd always got'? I'd love to know about it if you have...

I've been feeling the need for a long time to change my thinking about a lot of things in my life. But it's easier said than done (as most things are). I've been through some pretty serious life-altering events in the past few years. In some ways, they've made me stronger. But in lots of ways, I feel beaten down by them... worn out... like a failure. That's not the way I want to feel, obviously. I'd like to, as Nike orders, just do it. I'd like to just stop sabotaging myself at every turn. I'd like to just look in the mirror and see the person I want to see; the person I see in my head; the person I have the potential to be. But I don't know how to do it. I've wondered if maybe I just need to do what I need to do and the change in thinking will follow... but finding the gumption to just do what needs doing isn't always easy either, especially when your thinking needs adjustment...

And hey, I'm not looking for affirmations here... honest! I know my good qualities... I even believe some of them ;). You don't have to spell them out in the comments section, as I'm not fishing. It's just that there are things I need to change to live my life the way I want to live it. And I'm stuck. Stuck but good. I think everyone can probably understand that. I think most people have things in their lives they want to change but don't know how... I'm guessing everyone feels stuck in some way or another (God, I hope it's not just me!). I guess I'm just hoping someone out there has a crowbar... a big, friggin' crowbar...

30 comments:

Tabitha in Bliss said...

I have had many defining moments, which have changed the way I think and live. My post tomorrow may even help you! :)

mo.stoneskin said...

The thing I always come back to is to enjoy the small things, and to have a positive attitude, being thankful for my blessings. I find it so easy to grumble, yet have so much good to be thankful for.

Chris said...

I agree with Mr. Stoneskin (or is it Ms.?) aw, heck, I'll just call him (her?) Mo. I agree with Mo, for me it's just been a commitment to focus on the positive, and even in times of stress try not to let it affect my overall attitude. It's a work in progress, but it really can impact every facet of your life.

Rachel Cotterill said...

Me, I'm always changing the way I do stuff... but that's the way I do stuff....... ;)

Heather said...

Since you weren't fishing, I won't tell you how absolutely fantastic you are. I'll just sympathize with you and tell you that we've all been there (or at least I have. Surely we aren't the only two?)
I wish I knew how to change the way I think. It's bizarre, isn't it? Knowing you want to change the way you think - being conscious of it - yet not being able to acomplish it? I guess what they say about old habits really is true.
But I think wanting to change is definitely a step in the right direction.

Jane! said...

You're not thinking of going all Republican on us, are you?

I don't know what kind of changes you are thinking of making but maybe it would help to set goals. Tiny, baby step goals?

I think a cheerleader is also essential - someone who really wants to see you succeed. I think finding one of those might be the hardest part.

And so.... here I sit; NOT making any changes.
But good luck! I really mean that. Should we get our pompons out?

Amy McMean a.k.a McSunshine said...

I could use a crowbar to help get me unstuck from my same old same old actions and results.

It's hard to change even if it's for the better. You aren't alone. Well, I can't speak for the world but you've got me (not sure if that helps) right there with you on this topic.

Heather, aka Jake's Mommy said...

Oh, we've all been there. That moment in time where you're just stuck in a rut between utter chaos and primitively searching out a defining moment. Change is difficult business.

Sherri has a crow bar said...

Here's my humble attempt at the crow bar- I can only speak from experience.

I was also "stuck' as you call it. And back in the fall, (just prior to my starting my blogsite) I was thinking about all the things I had never done nor had any interest in exploring, and I literally FORCED myself to try and experience some of them.

The first was the blog site- a HUGE feat for me as I was computer illiterate- now just computer SLOW. Learning things I thought I could never learn sparked something within me.

I then ventured into exploring the ONLY music I never cared for...RAP. My sons took me on a journey of listening, and teaching me about some great rappers and I watched videos, read about them and listened to my sons opinions about them, and I will say, I came away with a great appreciation for something I thought I would never listen to.

I'm trying it with new foods, and new friendships, the Harley riding, etc. There is SO MUCH out there to explore that I had been missing out on.
But I'm forcing myself to try things -not just the things that I want to try, but also things I think I would not enjoy. Just for kicks.Turns out, I've had a blast.

It has been such as stretching time for me (including my job that I now love that was FULL of things I always thought I wouldn't like to do)but when you're stretched, you'll always GROW! (you can quote me on that).

This past weekend, we took the Harley to THE GARDEN OF THE GODS here in So. Illinois- and I actually climbed rocks (another stretching as I am normally afraid of heights)- it never appealed to me before.
I had a blast! (I have pictures on my blog today)

So my advice is much like Todd's- and it is working for me.

Try some some you've never tried but were curious about- then try some things that really doesn't interest you just to see what all the fuss is about.

Start with traveling to So. Illinois1

We have a bunch of crow bars here!

Sam_I_am said...

Changing our thinking, changes our mood. That was the group topic from work today. But, I've been too tired to think, does that mean I'm too tired to mood?

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Life is tiring, Diane, please don't beat yourself up about not having the energy to change things, and baby steps is always the way forward - 10 minutes a day focusing on your goals gets you there in the end - Apparently... I haven't tried it yet - I'm good at procastinating...

Can I ask you why you want to change, and what it is you wish to change, if you can share those?

Reason for my asking is that we none of us are perfect... Nor should we try to make ourselves perfect, because women mostly all have a tendency to 'do ourselves down in life', to see ourselves as worse than we actually are... We have a very negative self-image for many reasons, and women tend to be good at doing the guilt-trip thing on ourselves...

Can you use a knowledgeable, self-aware, intuitive friend as a life-coach, with their permission, to talk through what you want to change, and why - And ask them to be honest with you, and to help kick you up the backside if that is what you feel you need from them?

They might also tell you what you do not need to change...

As for me, I need for health reasons to get fitter and healthier... It's harder than it seems, even if you have the sword of Damocles over your head... We all tend to resist change, and we get stuck in habits and patterns (like mine of eating too much of the wrong things, and being pretty sedentary at work...)

So, it isn't just you, Diane, it's many of us, but I love you how you are - That's the thing about soul sisters... And you know I shall love you whichever way you change, or no... xox

Protege said...

Being a fatalist to some degree, I have never considered changing the way I think.

Instead, when realizing my life was not going the way I wanted, I tried to fix it and when the situation was beyond fixing, I tried to change it.
Along the way, as I grew and evolved intellectually and emotionally, the people I met that challenged my thinking and the experiences I went through forced almost a natural alteration of certain standpoints and views.
I guess what I am trying to say (and failing, as it is really late here;) is that change should feel right and come naturally. When you are ready to change your thinking, it will happen - perhaps not without any effort, but the means how, will be very clear to you;)

I think it is important to always keep an open mind and not to be afraid of a change, no matter how scary it might be. But then again to keep changing things all the time and never try to stick anything out is not healthy either. I guess as always, the talent is to know "when".

Btw, I like your friend Todd's quote.:))

hautepocket said...

I tagged you in my blog today.

I'm also stealing your Alice quote because it 100 percent explains how I am feeling today.

Mel said...

Hell - just come and live with me. Everyone else does.

blognut said...

I happen to love you as is, my dear, but change if you must. I'll still be here... or there... or wherever you need me to be.

Either way, Sunshine, either way.

hebba said...

You have signed up for that breast cancer walk and I assume are walking a little every day to train for it? You may be surprised at how much you are changing in tiny, incremental ways because you have decided to focus on a goal outside of yourself.

My months of self pity and--yes-- insomnia (doesn't insomnia suck?) melted away while I was training for a marathon.

My other piece of advice? Get rid of stuff! (its ridiculous how cathartic throwing away an ugly pair of socks can be!)

Oh....and I think you are great!

Jenners said...

I know what you mean about being stuck...I'm stuck in many ways. It kind of takes an emergency to get me to really makes changes. sad to say.

And damn...I committed myself to read "Alice in Wonderland" and now I find out it is a vile piece of crap. Great.

She said...

Let's go buy crowbars together. I could sure use one,too. And shopping together is always better!

♥ Braja said...

Being stuck is hard; our conditioned natures tie us down soooo much. You're conscious of your good qualities, and that's good...being conscious of our lower nature is harder, because the ego is part of it and so we're reluctant to address it. If you're open, though, it is not difficult...I have tricks. Write me if you want ;)
xx

Pauline said...

you have to wonder what the world would be like if we all just quit thinking so much...

Sometimes Sophia said...

We're all in the same boat, whether we admit it or not, whether we ply the waters with crowbars or oars. We are what we think. Some of us are realists... and the lucky ones are dreamers.

"Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it." - Irving Berlin

Give up the thinking and concentrate on the doing. Choose wisely what you choose to do.

Sometimes Sophia said...

On second thought, some of us simply struggle with nightmares.

Michelle said...

You know Diane, the things you want to change will just happen. Don't think about it and slowly things start happening.

Sort of.

Your beautiful and smart and i love you!

Greenfingers said...

I think we all get stuck but come out of the other side Diane. If somebody says that they haven't been..they must be lying!
I don't think that we can completely change, especially as we get older. A lot of it is about excepting that we do have a lot and at least can put our wanting into words. In a way we've got to brainwash ourselves. In a good, happy way of course, not a weird mooney, cult type way!

Stu Pidasso said...

Diane, in all the instruction I've had for coaching kids' soccer. The instructor always focused in four areas. The first (in what I think is the logical order) is the psychological aspect of the game. Your head and attitude are in the right place (you said you were and therefore I'll accept that) and that is the hardest part. The next facet of the game is fitness. The only reason I point this out is that when most people get fit (you help coach swimming and make sure you daughter works out and competes) they enjoy the game so much more. Now since we are not playing soccer, I'll throw the other two facets of the game out there but they don't so much apply here (but they might if we lok at them the right way). They are technique (performance of a skill) and tactics (decision making). I guess doing all the day in and day out things in life would be skills and which to do when and their order of priority could be tactical. But I digress. I think that if you focus some time on your own health and fitness, that you will enjoy the game much more. Because we all strut with a better step when we are shaking a tight booty, right!! Billy Crystal on SNL used to say, "It is better to rook mahvarous than to feel mahvarous! ANd baby, you rook mahvarous!"

Kate said...

Diane! I'm sorry I didnt comment when you first posted this! You are always right there for me when I am flat on my ass! First one to comment and sometimes the ONLY ONE to comment! Afterall I am the QUEEN of life-altering events! You are undoubtedly one of my BEST Bloggy Friends...I cant write advice but I can tell you how much of a friend you are and what a great person and mother you are (Ryan is a GREAT child) and that I am here for you if you EVER want to talk on the phone, email, or text. I heart you!

dizzblnd said...

I came here via Braja. I posted about change yesterday as well Very cool

linda said...

I have found such a lovely spirit in your words, I am so glad I popped over from braja's, to see who it was, she was referring to...

strangely, yesterday and today, yes, I publish my posts and then write them...sigh....I have talked much about how life has at times about killed me...what is left after the storm...come and comment, I left one for you so you owe me! ;)

OK, I know you don't know me and I just read this comment but will leave it as it is because it says something of who I am...I do know one thing and that is I shall return to read more of your journey and hope you will join me in mine......
xoxox and many blessings...

Not The Rockefellers said...

Sorry, late for the party. Traffic.
Here's a chocolate babka. :)

So your first impression of me is going to b something I found in a fortune cookie.

"The best way to find yourself, change yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."

I know that sounds so cliched, sooo refrigerator magnet but, it is true.

The best advice usually is that simple.

Peace - Rene

sheila said...

I get stuck every now and again. It's very frustrating to get out of a rut. Especially an engrained rut. Funny how even though you've thought one way all your life...and you KNOW that way of thinking is wrong, it's still hard to take those steps to get turned around. Isn't that odd?

What's even worse is when you have family or friends STILL in the old line of thinking. Nothing worse than going it alone. But sometimes that's just the journey we must take. By ourselves. You'll figure it out. Eventually.
(btw, found you through Braja's -)