formerly Diane's Addled Ramblings... the ramblings are still addled, just like before, and the URL is still the same...
it's just the title at the top of the page that's new

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Me, Myself, and I...

Last week I was talking to an old friend I hadn’t seen in several years and we were catching each other up on what’s been going on in our lives. A little way into the conversation, she asked what I’ve come to realize is an inevitable question…

“Are you dating anyone?”

I’ve answered that question a million times in the past five years with all manner of responses. Though I’ve only dated one person seriously since my split from my ex-husband, I’ve dated quite a lot. I’ve run the gamut in terms of the sort of relationship I’ve wanted, from serious to casual, from 'just sex' to ‘friends with benefits’, from 'this could be the one' to ‘let’s just have some fun and see where it goes’. And I have had some fun and made a few good friends along the way, but more often than not, I’ve had my feelings hurt; I’ve felt rejected, frustrated, angry; I’ve been reduced to tears. Overall, my dating experiences have not been incredibly positive.

So, a little more than a year ago, I sat down and tried to sort out why none of my relationships were ‘sticking’. And I realized that the common denominator in all of them was…

Yup, you guessed it... Me.

Well, crap.

If you’ve been coming ‘round here for any length of time, you know a big portion of last year wasn’t really good for me. I spent a lot of time stuck in a rut (and by ‘rut’, I mean ‘a pit of quicksand the size of Rhode Island’). I wasn’t happy with life in general. Mostly, I wasn’t happy with myself. Not at all.

And I realized that until I could be happy with and by myself, I had no right to even think about looking for someone to share my life.

So I set about making some changes, as most of you know, and, as you know, I’m still doing it. But you know what else? I realized recently that I am happy overall, both with and by myself. And that? Is big. And? Even though I'm in a pretty good place – one which might lend itself to a healthy dating relationship – I don’t feel the need to look for one. And that? Is way cool, my peeps!

Now, don’t get me wrong… if a relationship happens to cross my path, you know, in the form of a cute, liberal-minded, creative, outdoorsy-type guy who kisses well and loves mouthy, independent kids and big, hairy dogs? Well, I’m certainly not going to turn it down (hell no, I'm not!).

But I’m not looking. And I don't know when I'll want to. It could be next week. It could be next year. I'm not feeling any pressure.

So, when my friend asked, “Are you dating anyone?”

I grinned and said, “Yup! Me! And you know what? It’s the best relationship I’ve had in a long, long time!”


And the best part? I was totally serious.

33 comments:

blognut said...

You? Have learned one what it takes some people their whole lives to figure out. And you? Are amazing!

ILY!

blognut said...

And I should not comment from my phone 'cause it inserts words when I am not looking!

Debbie(singlemom;complicatedworld) said...

you know I SOOOO get this!! I feel the exact same way!! I am finally at a place where if I bumped into a relationship I would be OK with that! BUT, I would bump into it because I would not be looking! I am so happy (and stressed and busy and overwhelmed!LOL) with my life, that I do not need someone to complete me! I LOVE THAT! for both of us...STILL wish you lived near me!!!

hebba said...

I'm gonna steal that line!

Eternally Distracted said...

That is amazing. Great insight. I was smiling when I read this because your happiness shines through the post. Great final picture too.

Jean said...

Pat yourself on the back, girlfriend.
You got it goin' on! Kudos.

Christine Gram said...

Very nice. I wonder if I can date myself and be married at the same time?

Pauline said...

You be the cake, let everyone else be the frosting :)

Alyce said...

I love you. You know how awesome you are, right? Any guy who you do end up being with is a lucky SOB. (And should he ever forget that, I'll be happy to hop on a plane, come over there and kick his ass on your behalf.)

dianne said...

That is a great attitude dear friend,first and foremost we have to be happy and comfortable within ourselves,whether we are in a relationship or not. xo ♡

Brian Miller said...

smiles. great post. so good to be that comfortable with ones self.

Shanna said...

Seriously, good for you!! That's huge and I can't imagine how tough it must have been to get where you are! :)

Heather said...

I'm so glad that you're happy with yourself my dear!! You have every right to be.

And I get the "dating" question all the time. I have a few married guy friends in particular that just don't get why I'm single. I choose to think that it's because I'm picky! :)

tryn2bgreen said...

Diane, that is absolutely WONDERFUL!!! It's about time you realized just how special you are for yourself ;-)!! It's such a great feeling though and I hope you hang on to it for the rest of your life. I also have a feeling that when that relationship unexpectantly finds you, it will be everything you could have ever dreamed of!

Anonymous said...

That was a really good post. I totally agree with the whole gist of it. Well done, once again, Diane.

Amy McMean said...

GO YOU!

Greenfingers said...

Yeah..YEAH YEAH Diane!!

Watching your confidence grow within the past year on your blog has been soooo rewarding. And I'm a man!!!

These posts of yours shine out.
You're Diane...and you're worth it!

Sometimes Sophia said...

Well said. In the right time and place... Cute photo. Good attitude.

Rachel Cotterill said...

That's so great :D Go you!

Jenn said...

"And I realized that until I could be happy with and by myself, I had no right to even think about looking for someone to share my life."

I LOVE THIS COMMENT! It is so true! I felt like I was reading about myself. I went on this long journey to fall in love with myself again. I did a lot of soul search and also worked with life coach, Sherri Nickols of Unleash Yourself. One of her teleplay shops How to Find and Own Your Playful Sexy Self is not just about spicing things up but is for women who feel like the have lost that "Sparkle" and passion within themselves. I encourage everyone to check it out! http://unleashyourself.com

idgtm said...

And when you're not looking is when something GREAT happens!

Jenners said...

I'm standing up clapping!

And you know, this is EXACTLY when you find someone. Not to jinx you or anything. ; )

Coachdad said...

This is perfect...too bad I am a republican.

Lee said...

You have no-one but yourself to blame if it falls over!

~jill said...

total awesomeness! =D

Nothinglikeit said...

There are millions of women out there going through the same thing, asking themselves the same questions. You, my dear, are an inspiration :-)

Kati said...

I just LOVE that picture. That's how I want A to grow up to feel, now how do we acheive that without years of pain and aingst over boys and dating?

Lowell Fulk said...

There is a saying Diane, which actually works well for either gender, and is something I've attempted to instill in my daughters:

It takes on hell of a good man,
To beat no man at all...

And I've also worked to teach them that piece of wisdom you shared in this post, that they must learn who they are...

The last person of which we are aware when we go to sleep, and the first person of which we are aware when we wake, is ourself. Whatever we decide to share of ourselves with another in between those moments of awareness should be by choice, and good...

She said...

You are my inspiration! I'm right on work on this stuff this year! Thank YOU for being YOU and sharing YOU with me!

ILY!

Anonymous said...
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injaynesworld said...

Hi, Diane... Got sent over here to wish you a Happy Birthday, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! As a fellow single gal, I find dating about as fun as sticking hot pokers in my eyes. I wrote this essay on Valentine's Day that touts the merits of being single. You may relate...

http://injaynesworld.blogspot.com/2010/02/injaynesworld-we-preempt-our-regular.html

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
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