formerly Diane's Addled Ramblings... the ramblings are still addled, just like before, and the URL is still the same...
it's just the title at the top of the page that's new

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Oh, Behave!

I believe in Karma. I think she’s pretty cool. She also scares me a little. ‘Cause I’ve been on the receiving end of ‘what goes around, comes around’ after I haven’t behaved particularly well, that’s why. So Karma helps to keep me on the straight and narrow. Well… OK… she at least helps to keep me from treating people like crap (plus, I’m just a nice person. Mostly).

Sometimes Karma takes her sweet time at coming back ‘round. It can be frustrating, especially for the impatient among us, but it’s usually worth the wait…

There’s this lady who takes her dog to the same park Sundance and I trek around every morning. I’ve seen her several times a week for a couple of years. She NEVER cleans up her dog’s poo. NEVER. It makes me insane. ‘Cause I’m a dog poop Nazi, that’s why. I would never think of letting my dog go and not picking it up! But this woman will let her dog go anywhere -- even on the ball fields or near the playground where the kids run around… she’ll WATCH him poop and then just walk away, like she didn’t see it! Once, I yelled across the park to her, “Do you need a poop bag? I have extras!” She IGNORED me! Grrrr. Once I left a note under her windshield wiper, along with a bag (don’t worry, I was nice. Mostly). When she sees me now, she turns and walks in the other direction (chicken), but still, she doesn’t pick up the poo.

So, a couple of weeks ago, Sundance and I were heading back to the car after doing the whole park trail and, lo and behold, who did I see, leaning up against the wall of the bathroom, scraping a great big pile of dog poo off her shoe with a stick? Yup! I laughed. Out loud. She heard me, looked up, and glared angrily, still scraping poo. I laughed even harder.

Oh, yeah, that was totally worth the wait! Thank you, Karma!

And sometimes? Sometimes Karma’s just in an immediate gratification sort of mood. Like this morning…

I was driving home from the park when this little old lady in a big old Buick cut in front of the guy in front of me, just as we were pulling up to a stop light. She simply wasn’t looking (or couldn’t see) where she was going. He had to hit his brakes, which caused me to hit mine… but all was well (aside from Sundance winding up in the front seat)… no resulting fender-bender. Whew.

Well, you’d have thought Miss Daisy caused the guy to lose the Grand Prix. He laid on the horn for a full 30 seconds… he was gesturing wildly, flipping her the finger. It was really ridiculous. I mean, dude, you get cut off sometimes. We’ve all had it happen… hell, we’ve probably all done it at some time or another. You get over it and thank your lucky stars you don’t have to repair your fender (or worse). But no, Mario Andretti was having nothing of the whole ‘get over it’ thing. He pulled to the right, up beside the little old lady (who was now directly in front of me and seemed quite oblivious to his gesture-filled rant, as she was probably deaf as well as blind). He rolled his window down, laid on the horn again, and spewed insults and profanity. I sat there watching him, my jaw hanging open, incredulous. When the light changed, Miss Daisy drove ahead and Mario matched her pace (which was pretty slow), ranting and blowing his horn all the while… until…

… he ran right into the car in front of him.

I very nearly peed in my pants.

Miss Daisy drove on, clueless. I blew my horn at Mario Andretti and waved (and laughed!) as I passed by. I did feel bad for the guy he hit, though, and found myself hoping he’d done something for which Karma was coming back ‘round at him, too.

Wait. Do you think she’ll come back at ME for laughing at Mario Andretti (and Poo Lady)? Nah. She has a sense of humor, too, don’t you think?

Yeah. She does. I’m sure of it.

Karma. She’s pretty fabulous. But you’d be well-advised to be just a little askeerd of her. Oh, yeah. And behave yourselves out there, people. Behave yourselves…


Shanna said...

I'd like to Like this post. But I can't. Lame. But I DO like this post!! :)

slommler said...

Yeah Karma!! Those two stories are so cool and funny!! Yep! I laughed right out loud!!
I will behave myself for sure!

elaine Oakes said...

this is hilarious Diane! I've GOT to meet you sometime!

kop_op said...

C'mon... leave me a comment... please! Puleeeeese! I love me some comments... I LIVE for comments! C'mon... leave one... go ahead... you know you want to...
Well Diane, you ask for comments, so let me tell you that this post (posting??) reminds me of the wise advice, especially to young girls when go out for a walk-and-a-talk:

Behave yourself,
And if you can't behave, be careful.
Now, if you can't be careful,
Buy yourself a pram!

Apart from the above remark [(at your request, remember? :)], I hope it will be allright to send you a comment on your writer's workshop entry, in spite of its date, March 25 2009.
One of these days, after I come back from some traveling.