formerly Diane's Addled Ramblings... the ramblings are still addled, just like before, and the URL is still the same...
it's just the title at the top of the page that's new

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Dear Former Reader...

Thank you ever so much for your rather lengthy email response to my ‘So Disappointed’ post. I’m terribly sorry that you were so disappointed in me for giving my opinion on the gay marriage issue… on my blog… where I write… what I think...

Anyway, yes, your email did indeed give me a headache. It wasn’t your disagreement that caused it, however. It was the position of ignorance, (perceived) moral superiority, and Christian extremism (not to mention poor grammar and spelling) from which you wrote that made me feel a little ill. And quoting Rush Limbaugh? Icing on the cake, my friend. That made me throw up a little in my mouth. I had to brush my teeth twice this morning.

I’m not foolish enough to think that reiterating my view about the issue will do any good, as you seem pretty firmly entrenched in your rather bigoted perspective, so I won’t bother. I will, however, address the more personal parts (and by ‘parts’, I mean ‘attacks’) of your email.

First, I am not a lesbian. Not even close. And had you truly been a “long-time reader” of my blog, you would know this. If you scroll down a bit, you’ll see a little banner on my sidebar that says, “Another straight person for marriage equality.” Straight is the key word there. You see, dear Former Reader, I love men. Love them. I love hanging out with them, being in relationships with them, having sex with them. True, I don’t get to do any of those things nearly as much as I’d like, but that’s life as a single mom. I deal.

Second, the reason I don’t need a man in my life isn’t because I’m a lesbian. It’s because my conservative, right-wing daddy taught me how to take care of myself… how to do the heavy lifting when another set of hands isn’t around. So while I might like to have a man in my life, it’s not a necessity. Again, that doesn’t make me a lesbian. Really.

Third, the reason I’m not a big fan of marriage isn’t because I’m a lesbian (are you sensing a pattern here?). It has to do with the fact that I don’t believe two people need a piece of paper to ratify their commitment to one another. I believe marriage is an institution of the church and/or the state. I don’t believe in the church and I have little respect for the state. However, I do realize that there are certain legal rights that come along with marriage and for that reason, I see why it can be a good thing (and why everyone who wants to do it should be able to). And I understand that many people do feel the need to honor their commitment in their churches or in front of the state. And that’s cool with me. I did it once. I might do it again. With a man. Who knows?

Fourth, the reason my marriage failed wasn’t because I’m a lesbian (sigh). It failed because my ex and I never learned to communicate effectively with each other. It ended because he gave up (oh yeah, and because he turned out to be a serial cheater).

Fifth, given my daughter’s infatuation with the Jonas Brothers, I seriously doubt she is gay. I really doubt she will “turn gay” when she’s a teenager or young adult either. You see, I’m not “giving her permission to be gay.” I’m giving her permission to be who she is. So if she happens to be gay, I will love her as much as I do now and I will want her to be happy and able to marry the person of her choice.

Sixth, being a single mother doesn’t make me a bad mother. In fact, I happen to be a pretty good mother and I have to tell you, the idea that you could read one of my posts about a social issue and determine otherwise makes me really want to kick you. I do not parade men (or women… since I’m not a lesbian and all) in front of my daughter. In five years, she has only met one man I’ve dated, and that was after 2 months (and I went out with him for a year) and she has never seen me in bed with anyone but her father (before we split, of course). I take my role as a mother very seriously and what my daughter is exposed to is of the utmost importance to me. So don’t you ever presume to know how I parent. EVER.

I think that covers all of your accusations and insults, dear Former Reader. To sum up, I do agree with you that there’s a lot wrong with America today… but I really don’t think I'm the problem. I do believe that people who spew propaganda, who incite and inspire hatred and fear, who try to impose their narrow personal beliefs and faith on the entire world, whose moral compasses are pointing permanently south… well… I think they are what’s wrong with America (and the world) today. But you know what? Though I’m deeply, deeply offended by those people, I’d defend their right to think and say whatever they choose… because that, dear Former Reader, is what America is supposed to be about.

Oh, and by the way… if there is a Hell, you’re right, I’m probably headed there. So do me a favor, will you? Could you and Mr. Limbaugh save me a seat? I'm guessing you're going to get the good ones! Thanks ever so much!

Love Always,



Heather said...

Why are people such idiots? I'm sorry that you had to deal with the headache I'm sure that email brought on. (and I'm sorry for the throw up in your mouth)

I don't understand the hatred that
so many people spew forth in the name of Christianity. It breaks my heart. I guess they pick and choose which parts of the Bible to listen to. They must have skipped the whole, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone," part. Or maybe they think they're sinless? Also, there's a nice little bit in there that says, "Judge not lest ye be judged." But of course, that particular reader must have led a pure and sinless life, so what's to judge.


Now I'm all fired up.

only a movie said...

Even though you don't do church (neither do I), I feel an "amen sister" is in order...

kristi said...

Why do people feel it is necessary to judge you for what you write on YOUR blog?

blognut said...

Effing Hell! I LOVE it when people start spewing hatred in the name of faith and religion. I love it when people presume to know how well other people parent when they're teaching their own children hate and intolerance, and I love it when people think they have a right to complain about another person's right to WRITE WHATEVER THE HELL THEY WANT ON THEIR OWN BLOG.

By the way, if you're a lesbian Diane, then I must be one, too. Let's get informally hitched. I've always wanted a common-law wife!

:) Love you.

(Hear that world? I LOVE HER! And I'm not sleeping with her.)

Cathy Winsby said...

You have such a wonderful gift of putting what you feel into words and I absolutely love reading your blog!

Closed minded former readers are welcome to read elsewhere!

Terri said...

You go girl. Very well thought out and articulate response. I hope the hate monger reads it; though it would probably all go right over his thick skull.

It's very obvious from your posts what a fantastic (heterosexual) mom you are. Most kids should be so lucky!

Yeah, straight people have done such a bang up job with marriage; that's why the divorce rate is something like 60%. How's that workin' for ya'? And interestingly enough, the rate is much higher in the so-called red states.

I'm sick of people trying to impose their religious beliefs on me. And I'm deeply disappointed in California.

And I'm a lesbian in a wonderfully committed relationship. With fewer rights than your bozo commenter has.

Greenfingers said...

I think you probably know my feelings on all this and the fact that somebody can dam someone to hell and accuse them of been a lesbian because they happen to see the world with bigger, brighter more honest and intelligent eyes really grates me!

If I may stereotype them for a minute, I'll just say this...

Let them go back to polishing their guns,
Let them go back to their supporting futile wars.
Let them go back to reading the bible (The first page was actually found in a small vase by a man (probably wearing pink and looking like George Michael) in Israel just lately.

It read -

'Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental'.

Ohhh, me be damned!!

boneman said...

Thank goodness for being able to put people in the 'spam' folder, eh?

Sadly, there's good news, bad news, and the same ol' news (that should be my 'tag-line' shouldn't it?)

Good news: There is no 'hell' other than the grave. We all go there, but, it's just a shell. We keep on going. (if you're a scientist, note the conservation of energy. If you're religious, note Mattehw, chapter 25 (maybe 26, too)
Bad news: We're all going to Heaven, religious or not, like it or not, good luck with THAT argument. (personally, I'm thinking we ARE in Heaven right now. We, as mankind, just keep ruining it. But, given the ways and means of the CREATOR so far, I'de suggest that there is a grande sense of humor involved)
Same ol' news: There will always be folks who absolutely are threatened by others. The reactions vary from confrontational to back-stabbing chicken hearts. I personally just don't have time to fool with them, myself, as I am too busy clicking my mouse.


Soda and Candy said...

Wow, what a brave, principled person they are to privately email you such a vitriolic, poorly thought out attack instead of standing behind their beliefs and commenting publicly.

mo.stoneskin said...

Well said, presumably not because you are a...

Sorry, couldn't resist, but the way you used that refrain was beautiful.

I managed to miss the post, did you do something crazy like post multiple times yesterday?! I'll have to catch up later to give it a proper read.

Guinhyvar said...

Brava!! Brilliant reposte. Take THAT, hater!

You are wonderful, m'dear.

She said...


I'm baffled by people who call themselves Christian but who don't extend love. (I guess I shouldn't be, but I still am!)

BTW, I'm a VOTE NO ON PROP 8 kind of Christian BECAUSE frankly, I think it's a civil rights issue and NOT a religious one! AND I'M NOT A LESBIAN. I'm a person who advocates for social justice and freedom of choice.

I'm disappointed in California too.

Amy McMean a.k.a McSunshine said...

WOW. I guess former reader proved my point of the whole "tolerant church going christians." WOW. that must have been some email.

Thanks for your comment yesterday. You always give me something to think about. Thanks :)

Tabitha in Bliss said...

Diane, I am going to do two things here 1)I'm going to give you a Standing Ovation and 2) I'm going to scream a big Hell Yeah!!

My sister and I had this very same disagreement. I'm for and she's against. She keeps using the Bible as her reference, but I'm reading the same damn book and no where in it does it say God will hate because of who you love and if I ever find that it does I will still feel as I do.

SSP said...

i am also giving you a standing ovation, sistah, and I am not a lesbian either, though I have played one on stage. I have actually not dated men, not cuz they were men, but cuz they were so close minded and anti gay marriage - no, anti EQUAL rights, and I just thought, what IS the point...If he doesn't want equal rights for gay people, he will probably expect me to pick his little black hairs out of the sink and live with the toilet seat UP. Narrow minded people make my head explode!! I LOVE you too!!!

~jill said...

wow, diane...they wrote an email to let you know that they aren't following you anymore? just hitting that "unfollow" button wasn't enough for

i've been gone a couple of days, i'll have to go catch up on your blogs to see what the fuss is about.

rhbrown46 said...

Diane, you make the Grant Clan proud. Keep 'em coming.

"Uncle" Bob

Shanna said...

You tell 'em Diane! Seriously well written! No haters allowed here!!

Mama Kat said...

You are the BEST letter writer backer EVER!

And just as a sidenote...does making out with me in your dreams make you a lesbian??? Just sayin. ;)

sherri said...

I hate that someone felt the need to do this to you.

May I just say, and you know this, while we don't agree on some issues, civil, "moral" or otherwise, I can't stand it when someone negates the precious person before them because of differing beliefs and then goes on a rant telling you why you should be more like them, while name calling, accusing, and just being ugly.

PLEASE believe me when I say this, that there ARE Christians, like me who may not agree with your stance on some "hot topic issues" for their own reasons,(and I don't consider them narrow-minded views, they're just different) but DO NOT feel the need to belittle someone for believing something different. Really. Especially when someone is clearly speaking heartfelt thoughts and opinions.

But that ugliness spews on both sides.

I don't want to be judged as narrow-minded, cold or unfeeling due to heartfelt beliefs I hold either.

And I DON'T pack a gun, and I DISLIKE Rush Limbaugh...alot.
I hate war, and I love reading the Bible. I find it to be insightful, comforting and full of wisdom if the reader is there looking for those things. One can learn much by reading how Jesus handled people who did not believe Him, or the things He taught. He never wavered or conformed, but stayed a true peacemaker to the end of His time here on earth. He spoke harshest to the religious leaders whose hearts were NOT where they should be. He was not afraid to confront, but those he chose to reprimand were those who had issues of the heart.

I do not spend time around anyone (liberals and conservatives alike) that spew hatred.

Not worth it.

It's best they don't follow you.

I've been on a couple of sites that I found offensive, so I didn't return.

Other sites, I still enjoy although they don't follow my overall ideology, they are still interesting and I can enjoy the person behind them.

Your differing opinions do not offend me.
Someone calling you a lesbian, when they have no idea where you're coming from, offends me. And telling you you're not a good parent when they clearly have no idea, offends me.

God help us all.

A Woman Of No Importance said...


You know that handcart you me and Bloggus (in a menage a trois, obviously!), and a bunch of lovely others here are going to hell in -

Well I think we need to make some more room in there, for all of us liberal-minded, free-thinking, wild and wonderful, diversity-proofed, parents and non-parents, LGBT and non-LGBT folk that are here, standing with you, and holding your hand... Oh and our kids too!

...It'd better be a big hell-bound handcart, in fact, and I for one wouldn't want to exist in any kind of heaven that those religious bigots claim they have entitlement to either...

So there...

Love you xox

Stu Pidasso said...

Although I have not had the privelage of reading the letter from "Former Reader", I can tell from your post that you will not miss a few readers (like FR or not) one way or another. I like your views Diane. I like your stance on accepting your daughter no matter what (isn't that part of being a loving parent??). I like that you know that to defend someone else's rights even when they are polar opposite to yours is what this country should be based upon. I like the way you kick FR's butt with kindness too. And hey, I heard a rumor out there that you might be a lesbian, what gives? lol

Write on, sista!

Annie K said...

As Sherri said, not all of us conservative Christian folks are like the dumb a** who sent you the letter. (Ok, she didn't exactly use those words, but you get my point.) Some people obviously need to learn to keep their thoughts to themselves.

Stu Pidasso said...

oh and for someone who is obviously religious to be trying to squash the free will that their own god gave to each and every person is just crazy. How can a person take away something that God has given to me?? I don't think they quite understand.

On a sidenote, Oprah needs a new Headmistress for her girls' school in Africa. You would do great at overseeing one of those I think. All those girls would be in much better hands with someone like you at the helm of that school, just saying (not trying to run you off to Africa, you know).

Michelle said... tell em girl!

Oh well said.....

Applauding madly!


lisa said...

A to the MEN, sister!

Mel said...

Go on with your bad self, girlie!

Boy, I'm glad you don't release the wordful hounds of hell on me, and choose just to tease me mercilessly instead.

Chris @ Maugeritaville said...

Di, I love ya, but I gotta say you're wasting way too much time and energy on someone who is clearly a douche.

But if it made you feel better, that's awesome.

And I'll keep reading your blog whether your gay, straight, or bi. Well okay, maybe not bi. I mean, make a decision, will ya?

Ronda's Rants said...

Oh...God, I am so sorry...I honestly get sick of people using the term Christian...maybe I do need to call myself something else!
Jesus' real anger was for the fake religious types...
I will sit in the back with you in Hell...that is where the cool girls sit anyway!
Again...I am sorry you had this ever sent to you!

Lisa said...

bloody hell some people are sorry you have to deal with the crap- i get it on my blog every time i mention i am a witch- i imagine your former reader would have some fun with me too.
what a dick
ten points non-lesbian Diane

hautepocket said...

I don't think our dear 'former reader' really understands the wrath of blog friends and what we are capable of. At this very moment his computer is being flooded with lots of gay porn and I've managed to egg his car. Ok, maybe not. But I could hire a hit man. Too extreme?

Ok, but at least take solace in the fact that you are far superior to him in awesomeness. Now...what to do with all of these eggs...

LMN said...

Diane- I love you.

Nuff said.

Maithri said...

I may have not slept in around 42 hours but this might just be the best thing ive ever read.

I love you,