formerly Diane's Addled Ramblings... the ramblings are still addled, just like before, and the URL is still the same...
it's just the title at the top of the page that's new

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Writer's Workshop: I Find it Interesting How "Mother" and "Bother" are Only 1 Letter Off...

It's time for the weekly writing assignment from Kathy over at Mama's Losin' It. I chose 'Things You Do That Bother Your Mother'. Because there are so friggin' many things, I opted to write them in my standard 100 Things format. Before you read the list, though, I will tell you two things... first, I love my mother. I do. Honest. Second, I hope she doesn't choose today to start reading my blog.

So... Things I Do That Bother My Mother...

1. I am me.
2. Which means I am not her.
3. And that bothers her.
4. I disagree with her.
5. About almost everything.
6. Name it.
7. Any subject.
8. Yup, we disagree about that.
9. And that, too.
10. The list is endless…
11. For one, I don’t vote Republican.
12. Of course, she doesn’t either.
13. Since she’s not a US citizen.
14. But she would vote Republican if she could.
15. Not me.
16. I say mean things about George Bush.
17. Very mean things.
18. I said worse things about Sarah Palin.
19. Which bothered her.
20. It also bothers her that I say ‘fuck’ on occasion.
21. Especially when I say it in reference to George Bush.
22. Or my brother.
23. I don’t like my brother.
24. He’s not nice.
25. My mother admits this.
26. But she likes him anyway.
27. She kind of has to.
28. I don’t have to.
29. So I don’t.
30. That bothers her.
31. It also bothers her that I don’t go to church.
32. Note that she doesn’t either.
33. But she believes.
34. I don’t.
35. She thinks I don’t believe just to piss her off.
36. That’s not the case.
37. It’s just a nice little perk.
38. I don’t let my kid take religious education classes.
39. That bothers my mother.
40. But I don’t care.
41. That bothers her even more.
42. I don’t discipline my kid enough.
43. Or I discipline my kid too much.
44. And I don’t discipline my kid the right way when I do it.
45. Yes, that means my mother's way.
46. I don’t think using physical punishment works with kids.
47. I wonder, however, if it might work on mothers...
48. I explain things to my kid.
49. Things my mother thinks she shouldn’t know.
50. You know who told me about sex when I was a kid?
51. My dad.
52. It was the worst 10 minutes of my life.
53. I remind my mother when she forgets things.
54. You’d think that would make her happy.
55. But it doesn’t.
56. I probably shouldn’t smirk when I do it.
57. She also doesn’t like it that I don’t use much salt when I cook.
58. I don’t really use salt at all.
59. I don’t like salt much.
60. She thinks that’s just wrong.
61. But I don’t have high blood pressure.
62. And she does.
63. I cook things she doesn’t like.
64. But she cooked things I didn’t like for 18 years.
65. So I think it’s fair.
66. She doesn’t like it that I don’t make my kid eat potatoes.
67. My kid doesn’t like potatoes.
68. Or rice.
69. My mom thinks that’s bad.
70. It doesn’t bother me in the least.
71. That bothers my mother.
72. I guess it should bother me.
73. I just can’t figure out why.
74. Which also bothers my mother.
75. Sometimes I drink too much.
76. That bothers her, too.
77. But I do it anyway.
78. Which bothers her more.
79. I date.
80. That actually doesn’t bother her.
81. That I don’t often date the same guy twice bothers her.
82. She thinks I’m too picky.
83. I don’t care what she thinks.
84. And that really bothers her.
85. I also don’t tell her about my dates.
86. That bothers her a lot.
87. Which is part of the reason I keep quiet.
88. It bothers her that I’d rather live in the UK than here.
89. She thinks I don’t like America.
90. That’s not the case at all.
91. I just like the UK a lot.
92. But I’m not very nationalistic.
93. Or terribly patriotic.
94. And that bothers her.
95. I don’t know why, though.
96. As she still isn’t a US citizen.
97. And she’ll likely never become one.
98. You know what her citizenship is?
99. Yup.
100. British.


blognut said...

This make me laugh. Seriously, I think you and I should start a support group for mothers like this - and another one for their daughters.

amuse me said...

You made me laugh and shake my head at least 98 times. My mother passed away 12 years ago, but you could have been writing about her in so many ways. It would have been particularly interesting how she would have reacted to George Bush (gack, gack).

Ronda's Rants said...

God...I hope my daughter doesn't feel this way! daughter would just say maybe not!
I am not your mother but I think you are great...I find raising children rather humbling...while my mother and father drove me insane about many of the things you wrote about (not the British thing) doesn't bother me as much beause I am now on the recieving end of this!
Happy New Year!
If you ever want to come to Florida...I have a spare bedroom! :)

Amy McMean said...

Great list. I feel bad for my mom sometimes because she just don't understand that I DON'T have to agree with her.

My mom said she thinks i need to find a church to join for when i get married. You should have saw her face when i told her I would opt for a non-church wedding. She also does not go to church.

zipbagofbones said...

Love that list. LOVE. Mostly my mom is bothered by the fact that I'm living in sin and going to hell, possibly filled with the devil and will certainly be "left behind".

And that makes me smile.

Happy NY

Heather said...

I'm sure we all do things that bother our parents. I know for a fact I do several... I bet she could list them better than I could though.
It's funny that today's post was about your mom... I had the wierdest dream last night. I have NO idea what prompted it, and it's really strange, seeing as I've NEVER met you or your mother, but I dreamed that you shipped me a box of Christmas ornaments (???? don't ask why) So, I decorated my tree, and just as I got finished, you and your mother stormed into my house and started yelling at me for stealing them (even though you sent them to me). So you grabbed all of them off my tree, put them in a box and slammed the door as you both left.
Wierd, huh? You Indian giver. I'll never accept ornaments from you, so don't even try.

♥ Braja said...

OMG I think my mother is fantastic now :))) lol....

Andy - Instafather said...

It was the worst 10 minutes of my life..... Hahaha oh, you crack me up. Well, I feel I understand the relationship with your mother better. She sounds like a handful, to say the least. But she gives you great blog content, so that's one good thing, right?

Kendall said...

This cracked me up. Especially the ending.

Or the fact that a couple of these I can actually relate to.

Henry the Dog said...

Mum and me simply loved that:)
PS: my mum often says that bad word and George Bush or Sarah Palin in the same sentence.
PPS: mum says the UK is going to the dogs so don't get too dreamy about it. I reckon if it's going to the dogs it's cool;)

Diane said...

Blognut... a support group is a great idea! I know a bunch of people who would join!

Meryl... glad you could chuckle at my misfortune ;). And I'll see your 'gack' and raise you an 'aaaagggghhhh!'

Ronda... thanks! I think I'm great, too ;). I do pretty much tell her what I think... but I try to be tactful... I try... I really try... I really try hard...

Amy... you probably got the same look I got when I said that if I ever get married again, I'm going to do it far away and NO ONE will be invited. Yikes!

Cat... you will TOTALLY be left behind. With me! We'll have a blast! I lived in sin, too. It drove my mother nuts (part of the reason I did it).

Heather... that is TOO funny! The reason my mom was so pissed is because I sent you all HER ornaments. Mine are way too pretty to part with!

Braja... wait... I thought we had the same mother! We're not sisters?! Damn. I was going to pawn her off on you in a few years, when she's REALLY bad.

Andy... yeah... little Scottish ladies whose internal censors don't work are always a handful. Want one?

Kendall... when I was reading your mom post, I recognized a few things. If my mom was black, that is. Or if your was a short white woman from Scotland.

Henry... I think going to the dogs would be cool. I like dogs better than a lot of humans. But yeah, I know the UK's not perfect, believe me. I just feel most at home there. And I have never really felt at home anywhere. Sigh.

Sam_I_am said...

I'd rather live in the UK too. My brother is my mom's favorite and it annoys her if I point it out. Oh, well. Happy New Year.

SSP said...

on several of your items, I would say you were either reading my mind or we were separated at birth as our mothers seems really alike. I wonder if it is true that ALL mothers become the same person in the end!??

Sometimes Sophia said...

"Worst ten minutes of your life" was great - the list entire was definitely funny stuff... Liked the format of this post. Sounds like lyrics to a blues song... A funny, non-rhyming rant.

J Cosmo Newbery said...

A joy to read! You have nailed the 100-point post and made it your own! Best wishes for 2009.

gwenlyn said...

If we need a support group, just think what our mothers need!

Diane said...

Sam... I get back at them all by reminding them I was my dad's favorite ;)

SSP... I'd be so happy to have a sister. I thought it was Braja but she denied me. Before you commit, though, you know you get Mom in her (even more) declining years, right?

Sophia... thank you, ma'am! I rant so well because I do it often ;)

JCosmo... thank you, too, sir! XO

Gwenlyn... I'm voting for permanent residence in an old folks home... about 500 miles away ;)

Unknown said...

Holy crap! I giggled the whole way through this huge list of yours!

Unknown said...

That's too funny. Well, in a sadish sort of way. You know what I mean.

Happy New Year!

Melanie Gillispie said...

Yeah, I know what prompt I WON'T be using since my mom actually visits my blog! Damn! I could get so much stuff off my back! I'll just live vicariously through you.

Lee said...

These are like 99 punch line jokes! Great fun to read.

Diane said...

Lace... I'm glad. My goal is giggles :)

Jim... I totally know what you mean.

Mel... write your mom post and just email it to me! PLEASE?! Or better yet, write it on MY blog! I SO want to read it... and trust me, so does the rest of the bloggy world!!!!

Lee... that's extra funny, then, as I can't tell a joke to save my soul.

Connie said...

After reading this I have come to realize we have been sisters in another life. There are just too many things we share, too many.

hebba said...

I LOVE your "100 things" posts. They are the best!

Michelle said...

This is brilliance!! Beyond brilliant actually!! Notice i am using the word brilliant which i believe is used in the UK a lot so see how i integrated myself into this comment so effectively!!???

I love you and your blog. I think you are brilliant for real!!

100 point post is the bomb!!! Thank you for making my New Years Eve extra funny!!! Ready for our toast together???

Keep it real OK???

Julie said...

This is very funny, and parts of it I very much could have written about my Mom...

She got really annoyed about how much bad stuff I said about Palin, and when my daughter was five, she told my Mom that George Bush was a bad man. She was not happy about that one...

Jay @halftime lessons said...


British...Yup, I have one of those, too...although she is in no position to judge me...

Happy New Year!

Anonymous said...

Great post, Diane! Moms are ... annoying!

You, on the other hand, are a great mom. Your munchkin is lucky to have you!

Kimmy said...

That is so funny!!!!

Happy New Year!!

Summer said...

I am soooo laughing! Wanted to write a post quite similar, but wouldn't want to chance her reading it!


Summer said...

I am soooo laughing! Wanted to write a post quite similar, but wouldn't want to chance her reading it!


CJ said...

Oh, my, I could have written this, except for living in the UK. But when I get the chance I'm moving somewhere else for a while. The only other difference is my mother didn't even know who was running for president. So I took her to vote & they let me go in the booth with her because she has NEVER used a computer. I reminded her that her father had always been a democrat, so she hit the button to choose a straight democratic ticket ---and we were done. The other night, she asked me who the black man was on TV ---the man she voted for.

Anonymous said...

OMG . . .that was brilliant. I so related to it, too. I could have written it about my relationship with my mother just by changing a few details. That's probably why I was so surprised the day I realized that she could never call and bitch me out again. Ever. I had no idea I would miss that. But I do.

Happy New Year!

C Woods said...

WOW! I would have said, "Oh, my God!" but since neither of us believes, what's the use? I could say most of the same things about my mother, too. But I've never told her I'm a nonbeliever. I tell myself it is so I won't upset her, but it is really that she will make such a big deal of it, and act like a total martyr, that it will upset me. I was reading some of your post to my husband. He suggested I write "Things my mother does that bother me." My typing fingers would cramp up.

I love your blog ---your humor, your thought process, your lists, your quotes.

My blog has been mostly quotes, so far, but I've been writing, just haven't posted much except for a few misc. posts including "Why I am an atheist" ----which will be posted in about a zillion parts, because there are sooooo many reasons.

Anonymous said...

That was such a fun start to my morning. I'm glad I found your blog through Mama Kat because your sense of humor makes sense to me. I likey.

Happy New Year!

Jenners said...

God, I totally relate. When my mom came to visit after I had my son and was suffering from sleep deprivation and postpartum depression, she stopped talking to me for 3 days of a 5 day visit because in a fit of anger (after being told for the millionth time that I was talking care of the baby wrong) I told her that she needed to respect me and my house. And she didn't talk to me for the rest of the visit...or hold her new grandson...and we didn't talk for 5 months ... during one of the hardest time of my life as a new mom. Some moms are difficult. Sounds like you have one...and so do I. So I loved this...and I love my mom...but from far away.

Julie D said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog! I'll be back to read more, and of course stalk yours later! :)

Happy New Year!

Liz {Learning To Juggle} said...

I love this - seriously - you had me laughing. Its amazing how we can be so different from the people who raised us (and sometimes so similar despite our best intentions :)

I hope you have had a wonderful New Year - and 2009 is filled with much more joy and love!!

Sandra said...

Oh. My God... WE ARE THE SAME PERSON on about 89% of those items!

Great post! So funny... so so funny!

justsomethoughts... said...

great post. as always. i could read one of your "100" posts every day. keep it up. wishing you a wonderful '09.

Sherri Murphy said...

Okay, I'm about as opposite on opinions to yours as they come, (a Republican, conservative, love when other's have mastered correct grammer and punctuation however,( Is a comma supposed to go there?)I've yet to pay that much attention to detail to master it myself!

Anyway, I love your site ! You are very witty, and I can enjoy the wit and opinions of others regardless of their viewpoint.
(I've raised three sons and one is especially polar opposite of me on EVERY issue!) I've learned though, that I love my son more than Republicans, or my opinions, so I choose to bite my tongue and smile alot when he goes on a rant!

I'll be back.

Sorry if that ticks you off.

Melissa said...

Greata post... I am getting that you don't have a good relationship with your mom...? :)

Charmaine said...

Wowee. Our mothers are very alike. Except that my mothers father was likely trying to bomb your mothers father or his friends.

That whole IRA thing. yikes. Don't worry, my grandfather was captured and sentenced to death.

But the IRA blew up the jail and he escaped to America. Jeesh, the people they let in here. hee hee

Michelle said...

Oh my goodness, I love how you posted the things I do to bother my mother. You are so clever!

Angela said...

Your list is hilarious! Thanks for a good laugh! :)

KatBouska said...

Ooh I love the way you did this one!! And by "loved" I mean I'm bummed I didn't think to do it myself. Very nice!