Welcome 2011!

Happy New Year, my bloggy peeps! I don't know about you all, but I was quite happy to usher out 2010 and welcome 2011 with open arms. 2010 was a rough year for me. Rough. Like cheese grater rough. Like the North Sea in January rough. And I let it get to me. I let it drag me down... and under... and though I've managed to bob to the surface just long enough to take a breath, I'm getting really tired of fighting the undertow.

So 2011 is going to be different. I'm building a boat. Sailing anyone?

I didn't do any resolutions for the year (because, you know, I never keep them) but I have set some goals. And to make them more manageable, I've broken them down into 'to do' lists. On my list for January is to blog more (and write more in general). Hold me to it, 'K?

So, happy, happy New Year! I hope it holds happiness, health, prosperity, and peace for us all! XOXO

Endings... and Beginnings...

My neighbor told me the other day that The Farmer's Almanac said we weren't going to get any snow this winter. I wasn't unhappy about that after last winter, when we were ass-deep for months. But? The Almanac lied. It's snowing in Pigsknuckle today! I do like the first snow, I have to admit. Then I want it to be gone and not return 'til next winter. But I guess we have to take what we get, don't we?

It's interesting, really, that the first snow has arrived just a few days before the Winter Solstice -- the day we welcome back the sun and look for the days to get longer. The Solstice is my favorite part of the holiday season -- it's my New Year and my new beginning. Ryan and I have a little ritual, which we'll do as normal on Tuesday, to celebrate the shortest day of the year. We light a fire in the fire pit outside and bundle up around it, with steaming mugs of hot chocolate. In the pit we burn 3 lists, which include things we want to send up to the Universe...

First is a list of things for which we're grateful. I like it to be good and long, full of the big important things and the little important things that make us glad to be here on this planet, even when Life isn't going as well as we'd like.

Second is a list of things we'd like to let go of -- fears and hurts and grudges. They do nothing but hold us back but letting them go isn't always easy. Writing them down and putting them out there helps.

Last is a list of things we want for other people -- specific things for people we know and general things for those we don't. I like to include good things for people I might not even like because I believe that what you put out there comes back to you.

What about you? Does the end of the year signify a new beginning for you? Do you do anything special to acknowledge it?

Fat Bastard...

And no, I don't mean Santa Claus. This time.

So, you guys know I have a pretty terrific kid, right? There are moments when I'd like to trade her in for a puppy, but most days? She's pretty fabulous...


That's my girl!

In some ways, she's very much like me, which is understandable, as we spend a LOT of time together. I have full custody of her and though her father has liberal visitation, he chooses not to take advantage of it. He hasn't seen her in nearly a year. I'd like to say this is unusual, but it's not. Since we split up six years ago, I can count on both hands the number of times he's seen her. This once-a-year thing has been the norm for the past three years. He makes all sorts of excuses for his absence, but that's what they are -- excuses.

Luckily, Ryan was never used to him being there. Even when we were married, he was working away from home and only (barely) there on the weekends. So when we split up, not seeing him was just par for the course. She didn't really miss him. And when she did, I'd make excuses for him, on top of his excuses. I stopped doing that, though, when she got older and wiser, as I try not to ever lie to her. But I work hard to make sure she understands that his absence is not about her. That her father's lack of attention is about his deficiencies; that he loves her more than he loves anyone... he's simply not capable of love or expressing love the way most people are. And that is not her fault.

She's been willing to forgive him a lot. I do a pretty good job of being Mom and Dad, so not seeing him isn't the end of the world. And for a long time, he still called her a few times a week to check in, and that seemed to be enough for her.

But things changed this past year. He did a few things that were pretty unforgivable... things even I couldn't spin. He let her down. He broke her heart. And then he pretty much abandoned her. Since her birthday at the beginning of August, with the exception of a one-line email on the first day of school, he has made no attempt to contact her.

I look at her and see the amazing person she is growing into and I simply cannot imagine how he doesn't want to know her; how he can go 12 months without seeing her; how he doesn't have any interest in her life. I don't get it.

She doesn't get it either. But even though it would be understandable if she acted out or got depressed or put me through Hell because of the heartache he has caused, she doesn't do any of that. As I say, she's like me in some ways and, thankfully, she inherited my sense of humor. I love this, except when she uses it against me (which is more often than I care to note here)... then it's not quite so funny. But it serves her well, in general. She chooses to laugh at this awful situation with her dad rather than wallow in it. She has dubbed her father, "The Donor." It makes me chuckle, as that's how I think of him (though she didn't get the name from me!). She makes a lot of jokes at his expense now and though I don't (usually) allow her to be disrespectful or ugly, I let her get out how she feels, grateful she's able to deal with her pain in some way and wind up laughing about it.

A couple of weeks ago, we were in the grocery store, picking up a bottle of wine to take to a friend's house for dinner. I was looking for my favorite Merlot when Ryan started to laugh. She nudged me and pointed to a bottle of wine called, 'Fat Bastard'. Then she said, "Look, Mom, they named a bottle of wine after Daddy!"

I tried not to laugh. I tried to look stern. I failed. Miserably. Then I hugged her, kissed her head, and said, "I'm so glad I'm the parent you like!"

Don't Rock the Boat, Baby...

This past week has been one of the most stressful I've experienced in a while. Truly. Financial issues (where "issues" = "crises of colossal proportions") have been on the front burner. My head was nearly inside the oven (had the oven been gas and not electric, it likely would have been!). A couple of big bills due, a few weeks before Christmas (whoo hoo), and everyone who was supposed to be paying me wasn't. From Saturday to Wednesday, I was sick to my stomach, trying to sort out an issue with the person I thought was going to be my new, wonderful, spectacular boss. As a friend of mine used to say, wrong again, buffalo-breath.

I did get paid. Eventually. After a lot of run-around, chasing down, and lying (I did the chasing down, not the running me around or lying... he did that). It was frustrating (where "frustrating" = "ready-to-go-postal"). I wanted to scream and kick someone in the shins. Or, you know, somewhere. But I couldn't say or do what I wanted because I needed the money and needed the work and I thought I had to salvage the relationship... I had to be professional and understanding... I couldn't rock the boat, baby.

Wrong again, buffalo-breath.

After the last lie was told, before the money was in my account, I had a bit of an epiphany. This little voice in my head said, "Diane, you are better than this. You deserve better than this. And you do NOT need this guy. You can get your own work."

And for the first time in a very long time? I actually heard that voice. And? I even believed it. Mostly. I didn't shoo it away or tell it to shut up and that it didn't know what it was talking about.

And that? Is huge.

So I set about getting a few things done -- things I've been putting off for reasons I don't even want to think about. And I got my business Facebook page up. And then I got my website up and running. And then I started networking and promoting my business and myself. And within 24 hours, I had a job. Not a big job, but a job. And I got the promise of more work to come.

I'm askeerd. I don't know what the future holds. But it can't be less or more difficult that what the past has held, that's for damned sure.

Oh? And I rocked the boat. In a (mostly) professional way, of course. I told that guy what I thought of the way he'd behaved. And? It felt pretty good!

Pitchers...

I spent a good portion of Saturday taking pictures of Ryan and my niece, Elizabeth (the blond munchkin, who is actually OLDER than Ryan), for my mom's Christmas present. The girls actually cooperated. Mostly. Here are a few for you to peruse...

I think this one made the short list...

This is how they spent their entire 3rd and 4th grade years...

Luckily, they get along better now. As long as they don't spend too much time together...

How pretty is my girl?

Just Around the Corner...

So, I got some disappointing news today. A job I really wanted... a job at which I think I would have been great... a job that seemed really perfect for me in oh, so many ways... a job I really needed... a job I really wanted... went to someone else. The person who delivered the news was sweet... "We all loved you so much..." Aw. But they didn't love me quite enough. It sucks when you're not quite enough, doesn't it? And I feel that way more often than I like to think about.

Anyway, as I say, disappointing news. This has been a year of disappointing news... a year of setbacks... a year of hoping for that light at the end of the tunnel to get just a wee bit brighter... a year of hoping against hope. Disappointing. Frustrating. And more-than-a-smidge demoralizing.

Don't get me wrong, I have much to be grateful for (detailed in the post below). And I am grateful! Really! I truly believe that a positive, grateful attitude will take you so much farther in life than a negative, ungrateful one. But sometimes? Well, sometimes you just need to catch a break... to feel like the Universe is on your side for once. It makes it much easier to hang on to that positive attitude, you know?

But I? Have the most wonderful people in my life. No fewer than five people told me the very same thing today... they all said, "This just means there's something better waiting for you... something just around the corner..."

And? They said it with such conviction. They're all pretty smart folk, too, so listening to them - believing them - makes some sense.

So I'm going to try.

Something good - something better - is coming. It's just around the corner...



Right?

Giving Thanx...

I would like to introduce you, my bloggy buds, to one of my favorite websites ever... THXTHXTHX... the author, Leah, writes a thank you note every day (on a Post-It note) to whomever or whatever she's feeling most grateful that day. Most of her notes make me laugh; some of them make me think; some make me cry. They all, however, remind me that I need to be more diligent about expressing gratitude on a regular basis for the many blessings in my life, something I sometimes forget to do (you forget, too, sometimes, right? C'mon, say you do... don't make me feel like a heel here!).

Since November 1, several of my Facebook friends have been writing in their status updates each day, one thing for which they're grateful. I guess November naturally gives way to the attitude of gratitude, as it's the month which includes Thanksgiving and precedes the time/energy/wallet-suck that is Christmas. I mean, The Season of Joy and Giving. That's totally what I meant. Shut up. I know I've expressed here before how I get a little aggravated about the way the whole world changes around the holidays and everyone talks about peace and love and taking care care of everyone else, and then, come January, everyone goes back to life as normal. I'm a cynic, I know. But I'm an optimistic cynic (there is TOO such a thing. Damn it).

And? I'm a grateful cynic.

For me, this has been a year of less; of making do; of good-lord-when-are-things-going-to-turn-around? But I know it's been hard for many, many people and even though things are rough for me right now, I am one seriously lucky human being. So I'm going to list for you, my wonderful bloggy peeps, the things for which I'm most grateful (in no particular order)...

1. My Girl ~ She is beyond remarkable, that child of mine. This has been a rough year for her, too, as she's had to face some realities and devastating disappointments about her dad that no child should have to face. But she has risen above it all, with maturity, grace, and unbelievable humor. I love that girl. And I'm so thankful to be her mother.

2. My Friends ~ Oh. My. Word. I have the most wonderful friends on the planet! They are my chosen family. They listen (and they hear, even when I don't have the words); they give of themselves (beyond generously); they make me laugh like crazy (seriously, like crazy... like, soda-out-the-nose-snorty-wheezy-can't-breathe kind of crazy); they kick my butt when I need it (but never when I'm down); they tell me I'm fabulous (even when I'm not); they love me when I'm most unlovable. I simply could not go on without them.

3. My Fuzzy Boy ~ How I love that dog. Not an hour passes in any given day without him making me smile. He's my own personal comedian, therapist, and space heater.

4. My Family ~ They're nuts. But I'm grateful for them (even if it's just because against them, I look sane).

5. Work ~ It's been a bit more sporadic than I'd like of late, but it's still coming in and that's a lot better than a lot of people have right now.

6. Words ~ I love 'em. I need 'em. I use 'em (even though I haven't been using 'em here much lately!). I can't imagine a life in which I couldn't write to express myself and I am grateful every day for the opportunity to do so, whether it's through my work, my journal, my blog, my classes, emails to my friends, or my Facebook page.

7. Chocolate ~ Do I really need to explain this one? No, I didn't think so.

8. Pigsknuckle ~ It's taken a while but I've finally found a nice little niche here. Not only is it a beautiful little city (especially in the fall), it's a place full of some pretty wonderful people. It's the place where my girl is happy and settled and loving life. It's where I'm going to be for a while. And I'm grateful for that.

9. My 'Virtual' World ~ I think it's funny that 'virtual' means 'simulated' or not really real, because you'd be hard-pressed to convince me that this place - Blogland - isn't as real as the coffee shop on the corner. It's as warm and as welcoming and full of so many people with whom I'd give my right arm to have a cup of tea and a chat. I'm so grateful for you all. I have been since my first comment and I will be long after my blog has faded into oblivion.

10. Remission ~ My Aunt Jean, one of my favorite people on the planet, is in it, after a long, scary battle with an ugly cancer. I'm so grateful.

11. The Susan G. Komen 3-Day ~ It's one of the big things that takes me out of my own small world and makes me work to contribute to something far bigger than myself and far more important than my own issues. I'll walk 'til I can't walk anymore and I'll be grateful every year for every step of every one of those 60 miles.

12. My Computer ~ Because my friends live in it. Duh. And because it brings me work I wouldn't otherwise get and interesting information and news from around the world that would kill lots of trees if I had to read about them in hard copy.

13. Lots of Other Stuff ~ Like books and bookstores that are open late on a Friday night and book fairs where you can buy so many words for so few dollars... like state parks that have cheap campsites and beautiful lakes and hiking trails (even the ones that go UP and down and UP and down and UP and down)... like the $1 RedBox movie rental kiosk at the grocery story... like hot tea after a chilly walk... like homemade soup and crusty bread and avocados and fresh mozzarella cheese and bagels and cream cheese... like fresh new notebooks, just waiting to be filled up with thoughts and ideas and stories... like rainy days and quiet snowstorms and bright blue skies and warm sunshine... like swimming laps and coaching little sinkers and just floating... like a great song on the radio that lifts your spirits or makes you cry... like missing my dad like crazy because the empty place in my heart reminds me how big his influence was in my life...

So many things...

What about you? What do you 'give thanx' for every day?

I'm In Love...

With October! In fact, if October was a boy, I'd marry him. And here are a few reasons why...













Of course, with my luck in romance, if October was a boy, he'd probably only want to make out with me under the bleachers at the football game and then not call me. Sigh.

Is It Getting Warm In Here?

Not long ago, a male friend referred to me as ‘hot.’ I eyeballed him suspiciously, waiting for the punch line. When it didn’t come, I chuckled, sputtered, and then snorted (which, I’m certain, is not ‘hot’). In case you haven’t sorted it out, ‘hot’ is not a word I have ever attached to myself. Ever. He assured me that I’m selling myself short (as I am wont to do) but I still scoffed (and suggested he have his eyes checked).

But it got me to thinking. (Smell the smoke?)

Obviously, ‘hot’ is like beauty, in that it’s in the eye of the beholder. I know this, though I do think there must be some universal ‘hot’ standards, just as there are universal beauty standards. Right? I mean, I'm betting there are few people on the planet who would look at Halle Berry and say, “Ew. She’s ugly.” Hello. She’s Halle Berry. She’s gorgeous. Now, I can see some people saying, “Well, yeah, I think she’s pretty, but she’s not that fabulous.” I think those people would be nuts, but I’ll give a little… eye… beholder… all that…

And I know lots of women who think Brad Pitt is drop-dead-gorgeous. Me? Meh. Same with Tom Cruise. In fact, not only is he not gorgeous, he’s downright creepy. And I have a guy friend who thinks Drew Barrymore is beautiful. Really? I don’t see it.

Eye… beholder… all that…

But that's beauty. What about ‘hot’? Are there universal standards? I really wasn’t sure. So I asked my Facebook friends (and I should note here that I do realize asking my FB peeps does not a Universal Standards study make, but I got some interesting answers nonetheless).

I found out there are several levels of ‘hot’ (which I think I pretty much already knew but it was made very clear by the replies I got).

The first level is the initial ‘Wow!’ That’s when you see a photo of someone or pass them on the street or see them in a bar and think, “Damn! Dude is HOT!” For me, it’s this guy...

I can’t even remember his name. But really? Who cares? Dude is HOT! This level of ‘hot’ is superficial. Completely superficial. The person is not even real at this level. In fact, you almost don’t even want him to open his mouth because you know the whole effect could be ruined (like the first time I saw Jean Claude Van Damme in an interview. Hot… then so not).

The first level is purely physical. Purely sexual. It’s about ‘Oh yeah, I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crackers.’ It’s about abs and butts and boobs and whatever other physical attribute floats your boat. It’s the first date with the gorgeous guy you have nothing in common with but want to lick up one side and down the other anyway. It’s, as a friend said, the younger, well-endowed woman gyrating in front of him in a club. It’s lusty. It’s good. But it’s not real. It has no substance. It's more about imagination than the ability to actually touch.

The second level is still superficial, but slightly less so. The person is real but you still don’t really know him. For me, it’s Gerard Butler.

Oh my. Gerard is hot. He’s hot on a physical level, certainly, but I also like the person I believe him to be (a belief garnered from watching him in television interviews, natch…you didn’t think I’d actually met him, did you?). He seems like a great guy… funny, smart, charming, self-deprecating. He might not be any of those things but he comes across that way, so he remains hot (and will until he’s arrested or photographed kicking a puppy, when he will be dumped into the Tom Cruise ‘not hot’ category).

This level of 'hot' is the beautiful girl who works in your building and smiles at you and makes small talk on the elevator. It’s the gorgeous, friendly Alex O’Loughlin look-alike who waits on you at the coffee shop and gives you goosebumps when he touches your hand as he gives you your change. It’s lusty, too, but it has to do with more than just the physical. It’s still superficial and not really real, but it’s a little more real than the guy in the photo whose name I can’t remember because there is another component -- the personality -- involved. Get it?

The next level of 'hot' is real because it’s about real people. It’s the level I was hoping to hear about from my peeps. It’s the level that moves past the superficial (though it can certainly contain superficial elements) to the heart of what really turns us on. It’s where I think my friend was looking when he labeled me ‘hot.’

Now, I should note here that a few of my friends disagree with labeling this level of ‘hot,’ well, ‘hot.’ They said ‘hot’ should be reserved only for the superficial, first glance, walk-into-a-pole, oh-my-god-I-would-do-her-in-a-second reaction (note I said "her," as I believe all the people who suggested the third level of ‘hot’ was not ‘hot’ were guys). Anyway, they said this level is about attraction and getting-to-know someone, etc.

I get that. And I don’t necessarily disagree…

But I asked what people found ‘hot’ and more people (men and women equally) responded with things that fall into this category than the superficial ones. I’m sure that has to do with the fact that most of my FB friends are around my age and by this age we are focused on the whole package and not just the superficial. I surely hope so, anyway, or I’m screwed on the dating front!

So, I determined that this level of ‘hot’ is about the real person… the internal as well as the external (which included dimples and strong jaw lines, sparkly eyes and real smiles)… it’s about having a sense of humor and being open-minded and intelligent. It’s about the level of caring and kindness the person expresses. It has a lot to do with confidence and attitude, feeling sexy and being comfortable in one’s own skin. It’s about the look or the smile, the touch or the suggestive comment from someone you genuinely like (and might love) that makes your stomach do those floopy things. It’s about being a good parent and having respect for one’s partner and expressing love in generous ways. It’s listening and providing a shoulder to cry on and going out at midnight for NyQuil when the flu hits (now, that is hot!). It’s not, I’m happy to say, about 6-pack abs and perfect thighs. Whew!

And? I like it. And I agree. It’s good. It’s real. It’s ‘hot.’

Or, as my nearly 70-year-old Aunt Jean says, it might just be about the ass.

Who am I to argue?

Must Work on That...

I was talking to a friend yesterday about something I'm struggling with (have struggled with/continue to struggle with/will, seemingly, forever struggle with) and I said, "If I could change just one thing about myself, it would be that." Then I amended the statement, as I think there are a bunch of things I could/should change about myself... but that thing? That thing was/is/will forever be at the top of the list. Then I got to thinking about it. What ARE those things I could/should change to make my life simpler/happier/better?

And I settled on three things...

1) My mad procrastination skillz...

I've always been a procrastinator. Always. When I was in the 4th grade, I remember sitting on my bed, surrounded by 9 or 10 volumes of the Encyclopedia Britannica, rushing through essay after essay - one for each the former presidents of the United States. As usual, I'd left it to the last minute (i.e. Sunday night, when it was due on Monday). I was in a panic. Certain I wasn't going to finish, I remember making a deal with the Universe: "If I finish this tonight, I will never, EVER leave anything to the last minute again!"

Pffftttt.

I finished (thank heavens there had been far fewer presidents than today or I wouldn't have finished!)... but I so did not keep my end that bargain with the cosmos. Procrastination affects me nearly daily in negative ways (mainly upping my stress levels). But still? I do it. Why? I'm not sure. I wish I knew. Must work on that.

2) My ability to over-think Every. Damned. Thing...

Lordy, lordy! This has to be one of my most annoying traits. There are some things I don't over-analyze... some things I just DO... like parenting. I have a great deal of confidence in my ability to mother my child well. Don't get me wrong, I put thought into it, but I don't fret over it. I don't play out every possible scenario in my head until I'm seeing zebras and unicorns instead of ponies. I just do it and trust that it will work out and if I've made a mistake? We'll get through it.

Hmmm... I just realized something... I wrote, "I have a great deal of confidence in my ability to mother my child well." Confidence. Confidence is at the root of my over-thinking? Or LACK of confidence? It is, isn't it? Damn. That's not good, is it? Must work on that. A lot.

3) My inability to ask for help when I need it...

This one might be even more frustrating for the people who love me than it is for me, I think. When I'm struggling, they want to help. They know I need help. But I can't ask for it. It kills me. Truly. My head wants to implode. I feel like a failure. But if one of my friends needed help? Never - not in a million years - would the word 'failure' come to mind. Never. So why can't I ease up on myself and just ask? Why do I feel the need to suffer alone? I don't know. Must work on that. Really. Seriously. A lot.

So, those are the things I'd change. Well, three of the things, anyway. Those are the things I actually have the power to change, if I'm so inclined. Am I so inclined? I don't know. Must work on that...

What three things would YOU change? About you, not me! Lord, I have enough complexes... I don't need a list of things you'd change about me, too!

Advice for Friday...

... and, you know, all the other days, too. From Neil Gaiman and me. OK, so mostly from Mr. Gaiman, since he wrote it and all... let's be a bit less nit-picky, shall we?


Happy Friday, my bloggy loves! Have a wonderful weekend! XO

Somewhere In Between...

The other day, while mooching around Facebook, I read an article about teens and 'tweens and a guy commented, "I wish the word 'tween could be excised from our vocabularies!" My guess? This guy is NOT the parent of a 'tween. It's a word that describes the 9 - 13-year-old set pretty perfectly. They're not little kids. They're not teenagers. They're stuck in this uncomfortable, awkward, 'in between' stage of life, where they're trying hard to fit in and find their way and be independent... but they still need their mommies and daddies for, oh, so many things (and not just money).

I am the mother of such a creature. I've dreaded these years, truth be told. My own 'tween years were horrid, really. Middle school was a nightmare. I was uncomfortable in my own skin, which was stretched over too-big bones (specifically, a too-big nose that caused me more grief than I care to recall, much of which was brought on by yours truly), and covering a quivering mass of insecurities and worry about every friggin' thing in my line of sight. For example, I remember convincing myself I had scoliosis and was going to have to wear one of those awful back braces for my entire middle school and high school career. I used to stand in front of my mirror, looking for the curve in my spine that would spell the demise of my (non-existent) social life, trying to figure out how I could keep it from my parents and still not wind up looking like Quasimodo. As I say, nightmare.

Ryan, however, doesn't seem to have the same bad dreams I had. Oh, don't get me wrong, she has her own list of insecurities, but, so far anyway, they don't seem to be debilitating. Her reaction to the realization that she'd inherited her nose from me? "Well, you grew into yours, so I'm sure I'll grow into mine. Eventually." Heh. She's got this amazing sense of self that I never had... hell, I'm not sure I have it yet! And she's absolutely blossoming in middle school. She's working out that not everything will come easily to her (math) and that she's going to have to work harder at some things than others (math) but that she really can do it (math) if she keeps a positive attitude. She's finding new things that interest her and she's surrounded herself with a group of friends who seem to be, in general, supportive and encouraging, not back-stabbing and mean, as girls this age can often be. She's taking on new responsibilities at home and at school and she's managing everything without stress or whining (mostly). She handles disappointments (lots of them to do with her father) with dignity and grace (mostly).

She's growing up.

I'm happy for her and I'm so very proud of her but I'm still a little scared of what's to come. Because along with all that good stuff, I know there will be days (as there are now and have been since she turned 3) when I want to kick her butt into tomorrow. It's only been in the past few weeks that I seem to be able to embarrass her without even trying (I've been able to do it intentionally for a long time now!). I've worked out that if her friends are around, I walk a very thin line... pretty much everything I say or do could cause me to fall on the wrong side of the line and subject me to eye-rolling, disgusted looks, and exasperated whines of "Mo-om!"

Sigh.

But I'll take that stuff. Because at night, she still wants me to tuck her in. She still wants me to cuddle with her and just talk for a few minutes before she falls asleep. It won't always be that way, I know. But for now, she's a 'tween. And all is as it should be.

My girl at her first cross country meet yesterday. She? Rocks.

Hello September!

Ringing in the month of September has always felt like sort of like ringing in the New Year to me. It's always signaled the start of school (close enough, anyway), the start of fall (close enough, anyway), the start of a new 'summer's over so let's get on with real life' attitude... you know what I mean?

So, I was having lunch with a friend yesterday and we got to talking about blogging (because I think he should start one) and I was telling him about all of you. As I was going on and on and on, I realized how much I miss this place. I decided my worry over people in Pigsknuckle reading my stuff is just silly... this is ME. For better or worse. No pretense. And I'm the same in writing as I am in person (well, I'm skinnier in writing). So love me or leave me (but please don't leave me, 'k? I have abandonment issues...).

And that? Is the start of my new 'summer's over so let's get on with real life' attitude. I like it. And it should hold until my 'winter's set in so let's hibernate under the covers and eat chocolate until the spring thaw' attitude sets in.

Anyway, as I say, summer's over. It was a good one overall. Swimming went, well, swimmingly! Coaching was loads of fun (though time-consuming!) and Ryan did remarkably well this season. She racked up a bunch of first-place ribbons all season and placed in the top 8 in every event she swam for the big all-team 'Champs' meet. I was so proud of her!

The other big event for me was the Booby Walk (also known as the Susan G. Komen 3-Day Event). I traveled to Chicago this year, where my friend Anne and I (and 2,000 other people) walked 60 miles and raised, collectively, $4.2 million for breast cancer research! This year's walk was as phenomenal as last year's -- even better, really, as I had an amazing (albeit crazy... and deaf, too) friend to walk with. Anne's already signed on (and signed up!) to walk in DC with me in 2011. Whoo hoo! I can't wait! My blisters will have fully healed by then. I hope. Here are a couple of photos from the walk...

(Me)
(Anne was disappointed it wasn't the Playboy Walk but happy she still got her bunny ears!)
(I walk because I have boobies. Heh.)
(At the end of 3 days and 60 miles!)

So, now it's so long to summer and onward to fall and all the ups and downs it will bring (hopefully more ups than downs, though)! And I expect blogging will, once again, be one of the ups!! XOXO

The 3-Day Is Around the Corner...

Hello, my lovely bloggy peeps! Summer, she is almost over for me, even though we're only half-way through July. I'm not complaining either. It's been crazy-busy and I've had a bunch of not-so-pleasant things going on personally of late that have made me want to just crawl in a hole and wait for fall. But I can't do that yet...

In less than 3 weeks, I'm hopping on a train and heading out to Chicago to walk in my second Susan G. Komen 3-Day Event! It's a 60-mile walk over a 3-day period to raise funds and awareness for breast cancer research. I'm damned excited about it, too, as last year's walk in DC was life changing (and I want and need me some more of that!) and this year I get to walk with one of my favorite people on the planet! And I'm ready for 60 miles, too! But... I've spent so much time walking this summer (50+ miles a week!) to get ready that I've let my fundraising efforts sort of fall by the wayside.

Uh oh.

As you guys might know, all walkers have to raise $2,300 or pay the balance themselves! Yikes! Remember those 'not-so-pleasant personal things' going on? Well, one of them is (as always) lack of funds, so paying the balance due myself really isn't an option! As such, I'm down on my creaky knees, batting my eyelashes, giving the puppy-dog pout, hoping to generate some pity (and money!).

If you can donate, I hope you will. Just click on this link and it'll take you directly to my donation page on the Susan G. Komen site. The process is easy, with a credit or debit card, and my friends all over the world were able to donate last year.

No donation is too small (or too big!) and every single one is so very much appreciated! It's such an important cause and it affects SO many people, either directly or indirectly. But if you can't donate, I totally understand. I do hope you'll pass on the information, though, so that anyone else who might be willing to can do so. Thank you all so much!!!

Much love! Diane... XOXO

Is It Over Yet?

Lordy, it's hot our there... stinkin' hot. In fact, it's been stinkin' hot for way too much of this summer. I'm ready for it to be over... the heatwave... and maybe even the summer. Anyone else?

I wonder how much of my life I spend wishing away? I try not to. Truly. I'm trying to spend more time really feeling present... in the moment... and a whole lot of other new-age-y, touchy-feely crap... er, I mean terms. Yeah, that's what I meant.

Truth is? I'm pooped. I'm hot and pooped. I completely over-extended myself this summer. I've been walking about 50 miles a week (in the heat) to get ready for the Booby Walk in August (for which I'm so far behind in my fund raising effort, it's not even funny, but I still can't wait for it to get here, as I'll get to spend several days with one of my favorite people on the planet). Swim coaching, while loads of fun, is taking up more time than I expected. My mom's been in the hospital, and that's required running around like an idiot and a general disruption to the already-taxed routine. I'm trying to work and prepare for classes and I'm not being terribly effective at anything. And I simply can't work out a week for Ryan's and my annual camping vacation (though we've taken a short jaunt here and there). There's too much going on. Too many obligations. Too much heat. Too much just being tired.

And right about now, you, my wonderful bloggy friends (if I still have any wonderful bloggy friends, after being AWOL for-friggin'-ever!), are thinking, "Christ on a pogo stick! Quit yer bitchin', Diane! Weren't you the one complaining about how long and cold the winter was? Now you're whinging about how long and hot the summer is! Are you never happy?!"

It would seem I'm not, wouldn't it? Sigh. I am, though. You know that, right? There are good things happening. Ryan's ROCKING at the pool and her bulletin board is loaded with 1st place ribbons from this season. Those 50 miles a week I'm walking? Aren't even difficult anymore. I'll be ready for 60 miles in 3 days next month, no doubt! My work situation, which has been abysmal, is about to change for the better and it's likely I'll wind up with more work than I can handle very soon (no worries... you'll hear me whinging about that when it happens!).

So maybe I'm just hot. And not in that cool-everyone-wants-to-date-me way. In that damn-even-my-hair-is-sweating way.

So maybe if it just cools down, the world will be fabulous again. Right?

One can hope. 'Til then? I'm going to get some ice cream.